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July 30, 2003

Penis requests a raise

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary forthe following reasons:

-- I do physical labor
-- I work at great depths
-- I plunge head first into everything I do
-- I do not get weekends off or public holidays
-- I work in a damp environment
-- I don't get paid overtime
-- I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
-- I work in high temperatures
-- My work exposes me to contagious diseases

Dear Penis,

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

-- You do not work 8 hours straight
-- You fall asleep on the job after brief work period
-- You do not always follow the orders of the management team
-- You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas
-- You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working
-- You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift
-- You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing
-- You'll retire well before reaching 65
-- You're unable to work double shifts
-- You sometimes leave your allocated position before the job at hand.

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