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Anyway

November 7, 2003

New drugs for women

D A M N I T O L
 
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.
 
ST. M O M M A'S W O R T
 
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.
 
E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N
 
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.
 
P E P T O B I M B O
 
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.
 
D U M B E R O L
 
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.
 
F L I P I T O R
 
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
 
M E N I C I L L I N
 
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person . Can we get naked now?"
 
B U Y A G R A
 
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.
 
J A C K A S S P I R I N
 
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.
 
A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T
 
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.
 
N A G A M E T
 
When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.

Sent by Babak

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