His unlimited pass
Two poems
By Dokhtar Sabz
May 9, 2000
The Iranian
His Unlimited Pass
there was a time my iranian side could take over when
pointless college philosophy and frat party beer
bootleg phish and jon's ethnic minnesotan heritage
all became a bit too nauseating
a quick call to the parents, a bit of farsi rolled off the tongue
and I was whisked away
to my other reality
until he fucked it up.
thick eyebrows and a too confident strut
insanely infectious laughter and a love for gormeh sabzi
so kindly handing me
My Very Own Panic Attack
that returns with a vengeance every time he does
a kiss with accented-farsi whispers
kids of immigrants with irani-amrika theories rolling a second joint
he lived in my american bubble
but with an unlimited pass I had offered him
to the iranidokhtar inside
like addictive daytime tv and hafez colliding in my already screwed
up brain
he combined both my realities with his shadows
that continue to tease me long after he left
while there once was a time I practiced effortless leaps between worlds
letting one comfort my soul when the other had just hurt and exposed it
now I'm caught on a border
as both realities shoot holes through me with his memories
(listen iranipesar, i'm talking to you
granted i've fallen in love with you
but i'm demanding the pass back
you ducked out of my life
but forgot to return my sanity
you're being an ass.)
i want to fight against his shadows
but he took my weapons too
leaving nothing but a crowd of whispers
and my naked body
lost in the newly molded worlds of my mind.
Ache
i walked home from your party tonight with a soaking face
and you know i never cry
i walked home with a devastated and chilled body
because i know it will never taste yours
did you feel my eyes tonight
studying where your hair meets the back of your neck
did you hear my heart beating through your words
wishing i could be their subject
do you realize how much i want to hate you
and yet the degree in which my soul rebels
