I dream of a white Noruz
UK-US-Russia trio are running the show
March 16, 2004
Well it's Noruz, the Persian New Year, the start of spring
-- and what better than making peace with adversaries
in the traditional Persian way? You see, soon it will be election
time here in the US and time to wag the dog's tail. What
supporters of President Bush need is a sudden boost in votes and
nothing helps it better than the capture of Al Qaeda's
leader-at-large Osama bin Laden.
You may have noticed that, once
again, news is getting hot on the track of the aging Osama. CNN
has a 30-second file tape on him with
a cane in his hand, descending from a hilly path,
which somehow reminds me of the path to Abshar Dogholoo, a spot
in the mountains
north of Tehran. It also reminds me
of the movie Ten Commandments. It must
be Osama's beard and the white robe, and of course the cane. But
Heston looked more handsome and well-fed.
There are a variety of options for Osama to make his Anglo-British
enemies happy and inspire chants of "the good old days are
hear again" during the Republican
Party Convention. Osama could be found in a dungeon ten feet under
while playing with his
X-Box, or inside a mosque in the heart of Kabul while making weapons
of mass destruction, or just in a get-away house playing with his
Axis of Evil. Similar scenarios, any of which would be a huge boost
for the Republicans at this crucial election year.
But then for
Iranian rulers, who are always ready to make concessions and
turn a dog fight into a kissing
ceremony, they may prefer to take credit for Osama reappeare in
a more peaceful way: repenting for all his past mischief. The Iranian
government would arrange this happy event
and on the seventh day of
Noruz announce to the world that Osama was seen near Shabdol-Azim
Metro Station disguised as Haji Firuz, dancing and jumping in
the crowd with a red uniform, funny hat, blackened face and half-ass
Oh what a wonderful
world this is! Osama in Shabdol-Azim could end
up as our classic holiday-season movie along with the West's 1947
Miracle on 34th Street or the 1954 White Christmas.
Our leaders can
let the world know that they have awarded Osama with an
honorary political asylum, known as Osama Cum Laude,
which is equal to an honorary doctorate from Oxford. They can annouce
that Osama "wants peace and tranquility for all mankind, including
British Prime Minister Tony Blair." They
can show him on TV dancing hand
in hand with with Khamenei and Khatami near the parliament building
in Tehran, singing and chanting:
Arbaabe' khodam boz boze' ghandee
Arbaabe' khodam cheraa nemeekhandee?
Arbaabe' khodam Elizaabet ghashangeh
Maa naft ne-meekhaaim, kheilee boo-gandeh
Nafteh Khzar ham maaleh Engilis shod
Shish dongeh Iraq maaleh aaghaa Bush shod
Jangeh zargaree sareh chaaheh nafteh
Por-kon to sheekam een shabeh hafteh
Arbaabeh khodam boz boze' ghandee
Bush eidee meedeh cheraa nemeekhandee?
This way Iran can influence the US election for the
7th time in the past quarter of a century. With a winning card
like Osama in their hands, they can exchange him for at least
another 25 years of iron-fist rule over a forgiving
My past comments that British plans in Iran -- going back 200
years -- are continuing, many skeptics started with their
monotonous sermon on
of the "conspiracy
theory". But then quite a few changed their mind when Prince Charles
visited Iran in February and did a political tango with Khatami.
It was a clear signal to the world as to who's running the show
in the Middle East is what we call "Jangeh Zargaree".
one major focus: to keep China's hands
off the world's largest oil fields.
Look at a map of regional pipelines and you will notice that
the flow of oil is in the opposite direction of China, who
incidentally, has developed very
friendly ties with Iran over the past two decades.
With its rapid economic advancement, China is a giant
on the rise. It could swallow Russia's half-corrupt economy
live if left un-checked. Russians have no choice but to succumb
will of the British and the Americans and that is exactly what
they are doing
now. Putin's re-election and victory this week was an affirmative
vote on this current trend. The UK-US-Russia trio is aimed
at controlling China's rising dependency on oil to fuel its progress.
million tons of oil
in 2003, which is 31 percent more than the prior year.
to come China will remain very vulnerable in the fight for oil.
The good news is that it's Noruz and we have to be happy and
celebrate the coming of Spring, but the bad
news is that with rivalries between China on the one side
British and Americans on the other, oil is and will
continue to be the most volatile subject of the next decade's
clashes and geopolitical rivalries.
There are few reasons
to make any concessions to Iran for the kind of
youth are dreaming of. Clashes between Islamic sects,
comical elections (what I call political insemination
members of Parliament in Iran and other countries
the region), and carte blanche to the West in exchange for
survival of the corrupt
regimes will continue.
While Osama would make an excellent
Haji Firuz, the joke remains on the people of
the region, sadly. .................... Peef
Farrokh A. Ashtiani is the founder of PersianParadise.com