While many of us spent the entire last year arguing if Ms. Aghdashlou
is prettier or Googoosh guess what happened? The British team won
July 1, 2005
In recent days there has been many complaints about the result of the presidential
election in Iran. Calm down fellow Persians and ponder on this Persian poem:
Nekouhesh makon charkheh nilofaree raa
Boroon kon zesar baadeh khiresaree raa
Toe chon khod konie akhtareh khish raa bad
Madaar az falak chashme neak-akhtaree raa
The English translation is something like “when you voted for the Islamic
Republic back in 1979 did you really think you bought a goose that lays
When Islamization of the west Asia started in early 70’s one word of
caution to the wise man was to not set his expectations too high. Did you really
there would ever be a realistic presidential election in Iran under this adulterated
constitution where facial hair is the ruling party’s platform? And were
we all so naïve to think that there would be changes for the better?
First of all let’s dissect the election process in Iran and then we touch
on other issues. Iran proved to be the only country in the world that the number
of its presidential candidates is larger than it’s population! For god
sake did you see the pre-election confusion that they created by dropping all
those names? Well it was only to numb your senses, the same tactic that FOX
television uses in this country!
While many of us spent the entire last year arguing if Ms. Aghdashlou is prettier
or Googoosh guess what happened? The British team won again! Yes, you snooze
you lose. The election came down to two final candidates the American favorite
Mr. Rafsanjani and the British underdog Mr. Ahmadinejad. The last few days were
spent with huge sums of money distributed among the poor in southern Tehran and
the rest of the country to buy votes -that you will only hear about 35 years
from now (see Time magazine of July 2040 for details).
The name of the game was which powerhouse can cheat more on vote tampering
and they even went as far as inviting several consultants from Florida’s
Election Committee to learn from them about the art of winning a losing election.
then again Iranians themselves wrote the book on how to cheat on anything.
Ask Jack Straw the British Foreign Minister he will tell you how every time
the Iranian Embassy in London his pocket gets picked and he loses his wallet,
Don’t despair my friends, time is on your side. You see when you get old
you will forget about all of these just like our parents did and the ones before
them. When Islamization started by the British the goal was to give the nations
of the west Asia the choice of having “Islam” or the “oil and
uranium” and the understanding was that you can’t have both. As we
say in Persian “you can’t have both -to eat the dates and to keep
the donkey.” And since we were dubious about our choice the British decided
on our behalf and told us that the best is if we choose Islamic government and
they keep the access to the cheap oil and the abundance of the uranium and other
resources in Iran.
So what you see is not the result of apathy by a nation that failed to vote,
the nation did vote, but their votes were all seized and are archived at the
British embassy and instead duplicates were provided that showed Ahmadinejad
won. In other words you did put your bet on a rigged horse race and lost your
money. Poor Ahmadinejad, did you see his smile, even he was astonished and
shocked himself of winning! He thought when they told him we want you to be
president they were kidding, but no sir the British don’t kid you and
they stay by their promise as long as you are willing to sell your country!
But let’s not spread rumors on Mr. Ahmadinejad. If you read the lopsided
news out of BBC website that serves the British government they claim that “some
say Mr. Ahmadinejad has ‘blood on his hands’” But I don’t
think that is true and most likely the only blood on his hands was when he sacrificed
a lamb a few years ago when there was a circumcision ceremony in a relative’s
house, so that should make you relax now. And for all practical reasons he
may end up to be a good president if he only shaves a little bit around his
Trim it a bit and he will be socially acceptable and that is what matters because
we know he is not going to have any powers anyway.
Here is what was really funny? How bad can it get that even Mr. Rafsanjani complained
of vote tampering after the election? He should have taken his complaints to
the heads of the Free Masonry lodges in Iran and the Ekhvanol Moslemin that are
running the shows behind the scenes!
Now you may wonder why Ahamadinejad? First of all he is fairly unknown and
offers that little chance of a change from the status quo, even if it’s
for worse. He is also anti-American (what the British want and in-line with
and he has the capability of projecting a radical anti-west religious zealot
that can sustain the hostility towards the west leading to further sanctions
by the US and to better oil contracts for the British in the Caspian Sea were
the British Petroleum is currently running the shows.
Most importantly for as long as this Islamization continues, Iran will not
be able to tap its uranium to create enough electricity to sell to all the
countries and to become an economic powerhouse. The issue is not the “bomb” my
friends; the problem is that Iran is sitting on diverse natural resources that
if the Islamization goes away it will become one of the most economically advanced
countries in the world. Iran is not and should not look for the kind of economic
mobility that India and Pakistan is looking for and are engaged in, which is
to become textile manufacturing for the west and call centers of the western
credit card companies.
The scarecrow of the nuclear bomb has created havoc on Iran’s progress
and the only solution to that is that Iran voluntarily allows hundreds of western
observers to attend its facilities periodically and monitor the progress, yet
with the condition to not interfere with Iranian affairs if it indeed intends
to create energy and not the bomb. You see a pragmatic president would have
done that, and that is why the British installed their man on the job to make
hostility with the US continues.
All of these puppet shows are in the name of “democracy.” Yet for
the price of all the daisy and cluster bombs that were dropped on Afghanistan,
Iraq and the Balkan’s in the past decade, we could all be sitting in
Bali sipping on pena colada on our retirement with enough money left over to
bingo! Forget about democracy, viva Samuel Adams light!
Afghanistan is heading full speed towards democracy. Under the auspices of the
allies Afghanistan now boasts and enjoys the freedom of having a few women not
to cover their hairs, but at the same time they are back to be the number one
opium producing country in the world with its biggest market, Iran! So you can
clearly say that the Afghan democracy is spreading through Iran and Turkey in
form of heroin and opium market and from there to the rest of the world!
“Una mas cervesa por favor!”
Sorry, I was talking to the waitress
and got a little distracted.
But you know Arizona is the only place in the world that cannabis grows in
the sky? That is true, on a recent trip to Arizona I heard on the news that
middle of the night bales of marijuana were dropped from the sky and the
police seized it. I guess it must have been the harvest season up in the
It all boils down to the question of “where did democracy originate from?” Well,
allow me to present some references:
When Alexander’s army camped in Shiraz, they had
the opportunity to taste many Persian food and in particular the famous Shirazi
Salad. He loved it so much that ordered his top-ranked officer who was named
General Corpus Stupidus to write down the recipe and take it to Macedonia
with him. Years later the Greeks in their brilliance were still wondering
make enough changes to convince the world that this is not a Persian recipe
a Greek creation.
The solution came in and around 301 BC and on a hot day after the Battle
of Ispus when the Greek leader Antigonus ordered a ceasefire and sat for
lunch and some
of the generals asked him what solution can he offer to change the infamous
Shirazi Salad to be called Greek Salad? In his impeccable wisdom and unmatched
he played with his mustache for a few seconds and replied:
“Add one black olive on the
top and double the price. That is a Greek Salad.”
And the rest is history. Next week we will talk about how Ahmadinejad was
involved in brave covert operations in Iraq during its war with Iran. Reportedly,
who was a member of the Special Forces used to take the pilgrims to Karbala
for half price and he personally drove the bus round trip!
Farrokh A. Ashtiani is the founder of PersianParadise.com