Nesfe jahan away
She is leaving us, laying in that hospital bed, half the world away
September 16, 2002
It is a strange and daunting task, preparing yourself for a loved one's death. Not
death, I was wrong to use that term. I promised myself I wouldn't. Death refers to
the extinguishing of a flame. She could never die.
I sit in a room, surrounded by four walls. They are empty. The posters of Daei and
Azizi are gone, so are the paintings, and the thumb-tacked photographs and keepsakes.
The white-washed giants are caving in on me, I close my eyes and begin to gently
run my fingertips along the necklace that lays heavy against my chest. It's a slow
and steady caress, my fingernail scrapes along the fragile glass. Enclosed within
the glass piece around my neck that is dangling from a thin gold chain, are Arabic
letters. "Allah" it says, in gold. God.
I keep twisting the charm around and around. It was hers. She gave it to the woman
who gave it to me. It means something. It comes from a time when faith and conviction
also used to mean something. Cynics did not rule the earth. Miracles did happen.
She was bright and sparkly, like the diamonds I am staring down at. I keep feeling
around and a warmth fills my being. She was the pure one, the innocent one, the one
who guided me to my faith. She is as valuable as the God I worship. And she is leaving
us, laying in that hospital bed, half the world away. Nesfe jahan away...
I think of the innocent days of my youth when she and he would come to visit us.
This America was a great place, but it divided us from the ones who loved us best.
We made a home, a life for ourselves, yet we never stopped comparing it with the
land we left behind. Her dream was to come to us. Iran was nothing to her if we were
here and she there, alone.
So we started the process. Immigration, a pain in the ass. Is it true that it takes
an Iranian 444 days to get a greencard? What an irony. Where have I heard that? ....
And so we waited while she got worse. And then, as the
doctors kept her in that hospital, the papers came. The light at the end of the tunnel.
Now, a week later, she is home, on the road back to health. The illness they said
was eating away at her has disappeared. Our prayers were too strong to it to conquer.
And I talk to her now, and we plan the future. Maybe things will be ok after all,
maybe miracles do happen to ordinary people.
I wanted to share this with everyone I knew because it is true. I am not good at
writing about people I know and so I chose not to name names or anything like that.
I have never asked anything from God, but one day I realized that there was no harm
in praying and asking some higher power for a little push.
aybe it was a coincidence that everything happened all together or maybe its true
that he works in mysterious ways. No matter what, I am now a true believer. Happy