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Diary

August 14, 2003
The Iranian

Part 22

10th of January, 2003
Negin had left for Iran. I hadn't seen Omid in a while. I was just sitting at home, not touching the computer, but feeling really sorry for myself. My classes were to start in September. In the meanwhile I had no plans. So I decided to put my resume on a job site, maybe I could find a job which suited my study. I could earn some money and pay my bills.

While looking for a proper site, something inside me started tingling. I turned on the chat and went into a room. I saw Omid laughing and putting on music for some people. I decided I would stay around and maybe talk a bit. Omid said hi to me and continued his music and laughs. When I heard him talking I realized that it wasn't -- and never would be -- the same. The voice I once loved to hear and talk to, had turned into a voice of a stranger.

I turned off my computer and called Omid. I said:

"Omid this is nothing personal, but it's over."

I waited for a response. Omid went quiet.

"OMID BAA TO-AMAA!"

"Awi, haminjoori? Don't I have anything to say?"

"No you don't Omid, it's my call. Let's be just friends. This is not working out anymore. When I met you, you had a life. You still have a life, it's chat..."

"Ok Awi, I can't force you and it seems like you have been walking around with it for some time now..."

"Omid, you know as well as I do, that this isn't working out and let us just be friends and talk every once in a while."

Suddenly Omid said out of nowhere: "Negin chetore?"

"Negin?Chetor in vasat Negin?"

"I'm breaking up with you and you're asking how Negin's doing? Negin is doing fine, she is in Iran."

"Ahaa, mire pishe Abbas joonesh?"

"She will I think. Why?"

"Just because..."

And with that our conversation ended. It wasn't what I expected. In the middle of our break up, he asked about Negin. All I could think was this boy's brain is fried ...

15th of January 2003
It had been 5 days. I hadn't heard from Omid and I didn't go online. Negin called me and we talked. She was having a great time and she would go to Dubai to see Abbas in 3 weeks. She would see him on Valentine's Day.

"Awi, I'm so scared!!!! After a year of chat I'm seeing Abbas and ..I'M SEEING ABBAS... you know!"

Even though I was happy for her, I didn't think much of Abbas. He wasn't her type. But maybe I was wrong. I just want Negin to be happy and if Abbas made her happy than It was cool by me.

After our conversation Negin asked me to come online to talk some more. I went online with a secret name, so Negin and I could talk in peace. After a little chat, Negin went off to meet some friends and I wanted to take a quick look through the rooms.

I went into a room and saw Omid's nickname. I thought I should stay around to listen a bit. This girl I knew from Germany and who wasn't exactly my friend, went up the mic and said:

"Omid to khejaalat nemikeshi baa in Awi doost boodi aslan? Where is your taste?"

When Omid came up, I heard Shahram's voice saying: "Are baba, in Omid e maa shaans nadaare too dokhtaraa. Harchi aantike gire in badbakht miofte."

I was cooking from inside. I was just waiting for Omid to say something when I heard his voice: "Zendegi hamine dige, you win some you loose some. Bikhyaalesh..."

I was stunned. It hadn't been 5 days and already he had dared to talk about me like this? I dialled his number. He picked up.

"Omid vaaghean aadame bee-maraami hasti. I was your girlfriend and now you are letting people talk about me behind my back?? To be khodet migi mard? Too kodoom tavileh bozorg shodi where they call this kind of behaviour manly???"

It was Omid's turn to be shocked.

"Awi, bekhodaa harchi be in Shahram migam goosh nemide..."

"Hamoon Shahram o to beham mikhorin. You really fit each other, two losers, backstabbing charlatans. You were my friend Omid... I could say a lot of things about you. But I don't. You don't know the meaning of friendship."

"Yeah you're right Awi, who does understand the meaning of it? Does Negin?"

"What do you mean Omid? Harfeto bezan khodeto raahat kon..."

"Na laazem nist, because I'm not a backstabber, so I won't tell about Negin. I'm your friend so I'll give you a warning... NEGIN IS NOT YOUR FRIEND!"

I went quiet; what did he mean?

"Omid manzooret chiyeh? I have no idea what you are talking about..."

"Hamin basseh, Awi, hamino bass...you figure it out..."

Suddenly I felt like I had to do my very best to find out what he's saying. If I played my cards right, he would be stupid enough to tell me everything. So I said:

"Omid you think I don't know what's going on? You think Negin hasn't told me? You know Negin tells me everything."

"What did she tell you then?"

"Omid, don't play a fool, you know what she told me.. you know it damn well."

"Awi, dont tell me she told you that I LIKED HER?"

He said it...but I wanted to know more. Even thought my heart was beating so hard in my throat, I said:

"Aareh maloome, you think I broke up with you without reason?

"Awisaaaa, she's lying. I admit I don't have a clear conscience. BUT SHE STARTED IT, after you left, she called me every day. Why do you think I said I was going to sleep every two minutes? She called me and she played with my mind.. I GOT SO CRAZY. You don't know the stuff she said to me. Engaari jaadoom kard. I didn't know what was happening to me. That time I went to see her at her place, mahalam nazaasht. She said 'Awisa is my friend and I can't do this to her and I love Abbas'. She just wanted to see if she could take me away from you. To somehow create distance between us. Which she did... I'm so sorry baby, I have been such a fool..."

I was sitting in my chair, looking at the screen through the tears which were blocking my view. Trying to read. Not believing what I was reading. I didn't know how to react. Angry upset. Should I start screaming now? Or should be relaxed, not let him know my mind. The funny part was, Omid az cheshmam oftaad. I didn't care that much about him anymore. It didn't surprise me even. But NEGIN...my friend, my sister, how , why, when... I was heartbroken...

TO BE CONTINUED

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