August 23, 2003
16th January 2003
I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, I couldn't
get this damn thought out of my head. I was so betrayed. I was
so stepped on. They broke me mentally, physically in every way
I felt possible. It was like a hand was placed on my throat. I
couldn't breath. The only thing I did was lying on my bed,
thinking. The scenes of this drama played through my mind. Over
and over. I couldn't change my thoughts. I thought I was
going insane. I had to get out.
I was dressed in my worst clothes. No make up, nothing. It looked
like I had just left a battle field. I walked and walked, thinking.
I didn't know what to do. Who do talk to. Where to go. All
I could think was, WHY? Why did Negin do this to me.
I remembered Omid's words on the screen. How could I ever
forget, it was burn-marked inside my brain. I will never forget.
"Awi, mano jaadoo kard. She didn't even want to be with me.
She just wanted to see if she could create distance between us
and she did. I'm so sorry baby."
BABY! The thought of that word, once so loved, made me shriver.
I never wanted to hear that word again.
"WHEN DID YOU SEE HER OMID?"
"Awi, vaasta tozih bedam. She started to call me starting
from the day you left. I know I'm not innocent, but she started
started calling me and talking into me for hours. I didn't mind.
Because I missed you and needed some distraction. She started asking
if I could go see her. So I went, do you remember that night I
was with Shahram? That morning I drove with Shahram's car
all the way to her place, 2 and a half hours. I spend the day there,
you know Awi, nothing happened when I was there. I didn't
cheat on you..."
"Omid, you didn't cheat on me? What are you saying? Did you
go there for a cup of tea?"
I was laughing at Homan a couple of months ago. About the foolishness
of Iranian guys. About having their own rules about cheating. I
made fun of Homan, now my own loser ex-boyfriend was saying the
same thing. IS GOD PUNISHING ME?
"Awi, goosh kon. I wanted to, but she didn't let me. I kissed
her, she kissed me, but she didn't let me do anything. If
you know what I mean... She said, I cannot betray Awisa, she's
my friend and I love Abbas."
Pfff, how nice of her. She kissed
my boyfriend, but that's all and all this kindness is thanks to
the fact that we're
friends. Two more friends like her and I wouldn't need any
I didn't know what to say to Omid. Should I yell at him?
Should I tell him how much he hurted me? I really didn't
know how to react. I just sat there, watching the screen, thinking.
Did I believe Omid? I mean his story, doesn't seem like a
lie. If it were a lie, he would say that he did more than kissing
alone. He isn't that smart to make up this story, is he?
Negin do this to me? Just to see if she could? What do I have that
she wants? She has everything that I got, maybe more.
What does she want to prove?
In middle of my thoughts, my phone
rang. It was Valerie, she wanted to see if I was in the mood to
go out. When she heard my voice,
she paniced. When I told her what had happened, she yelled out
all sorts of stuff ment for Omid and Negin. I felt a bit conforted
by her use of foul language. I didn't mind using it myself,
but I didn't know what to call them... Backstabbers?
Val insisted on meeting me at home. So I took
a shower and dressed. That night she insisted on us going to a
bar and get drunk. Just
so I could express myself (I have the tendecy to that more often
when Im loaded). She took me to this bar recently opened by this
Iranian dude. We ordered our Margaritas.
I was starting on my
fourth Margarita and feeling a bit tipsy. When my eyes met a strange
yet familiar pair of eyes, which was
staring back at me rudly. The face which went with the eyes was
friendly and caring. Experienced yet boyish. Where had I seen that
smile, which made me weak in my stomach?
TO BE CONTINUED
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