December 3, 2003
25 January 2003
I hadn't heard from anyone for a couple of days. I started
to do stuff again. Like shopping, going to the movies and feeling
a bit alive again. I tried to do stuff, which would make me forget
about this whole hell hole I was in.
I tried to concentrate
on other things. Things I had neglected in a while. Which were
so much more worthy of my love and trust,
than those other animals, wouldever them may be. For instance,
my baby sister, who I loved and addored.
One day I walked into her room, she had gone out. I looked on
her table, a piece of paper, with her funny childish handwriting,
style; I tease her. She had written a poem about me.
She had sensed that I was in some kind of trouble, who wouldn't
notice? I tried to be my ussual funny self, but my eyes revealed
the full truth. My eyes which so every now and then, would fill
up with tears. Of course she noticed.
She had written a poem in which she wished me to laugh again and
MEANT IT. She wished I would forget about every thing and every
one and concentrate on her. Give her some attention.
My poor baby, one of the few persons who really needed my attention,
who really deserved my attention, I had been neglecting. What a
fool I am...
That day when she came back from school, I took her out and we
talked a lot. I explained (up to a point) what was
going on in my life and why I had been acting so strange lately.
completely understood me and supported me.
Just 15-years old and already so wise. She said to me,
I'm really glad that we have a relationship where we never
argue. We tease each other without getting upset. I have
friends and I have seen that not
one is this way. So it's not something that I take for granted.
You should focus more on the people who are here for you
always. Like me, mom, dad and your friends here, who you've
known all your life."
"I know, azizam, you're so right. I have to
close this big chapter of nightmares and just never look back."
And so I did.
Once back home, I told my mom what had happened -- not everything
of course, I didn't want to hurt her more than I had
to. And so I convinced her to change our home phone number. Just
4 more days and this door would be locked forever. I would
again start afresh.
I went to a hairdresser and got a whole new hairdue. I let them
cut my long
black hair, short. With spiky red stripes. Which made me look
With my sister, I went to a body farm and got completely relaxed.
That day I didn't think of THEM even once.
I was finally tasting freedom. Without any obnoxious creeps, who
trying to ruin my life >>> To
be continued >>> Previous
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