November 12, 2003
21 January 2003
I had come to a point where I just cried and cried. I know
THEY weren't worthy of my tears, but I just couldn't
stop crying. I felt so unbelievably cheated, I
could just scream. I didn't scream, I just closed my eyes
and thought about every second, every day of the last six months.
I remembered every little detail, which I had missed. How could
What a cow I was. How didn't
I see them flirt when it was so obvious? How could I have been
I always thought of myself as a person when knew a lot
about men. How could I miss it? I always knew people the second
them. I, on the other hand, have always been a mystery
for others. Only my close friends and relatives know me
and actually even they don't know me completely.
That day I walked
around with the feeling that I had failed. The thing I knew about
myself, my one strong point, had abbandoned me
I felt weak.
My phone rang. I could just imagine who it could
be -- certainly not a person I was longing to
talk to, but I picked it up and heard Negin's voice.
"What do you care?"
"Awisa man doostetam!"
"HAH! Two more friends like you and
I wouldn't need any enemies. Why did you do it Negin? Just tell
me why? Just be honest
for once and stop telling me it isn't true! If you want us to
friends, I have to know."
"Awi, I've already told you the truth. The only mistake I
made was to not tell you."
"Negin, I don't believe you, I
"Awi, bekhodaa, I'm swearing to you on my father's grave. BE
GHABRE BAABAAM GHASAM!"
"Negin, alaki ghasam nakhor, once
you even swore that I was like a sister to you. The Omid
know is too much of a fool to come up with a story like
this. If he wanted to ruin you, or ruin our friendship,
be so modest!"
"Awi, bekhodaa. He liked me and he called me. I even told him
not to call me anymore. I told him I was going to tell you.
you think he waited until I was in Iran to tell you this.
He knows I can't do shit here. He knows I have no control when
I'm here. He would never say such a thing in front of me.
bikhiyaal. Until you are ready to tell me the truth, I have nothing
to say to you."
"AWISA YOU BELIEVE A BOY INSTEAD OF YOUR FRIEND?"
ARE THE ONE WHO LET THAT 'BOY' COME BETWEEN
US. TELL ME SOMETHING, WAS IT WORTH IT? WAS A FLING
WORTH OUR FRIENDSHIP?"
And I hung up. I started having doubts.
I knew Omid wasn't that smart to make up such a story. But Negin,
on the other hand, could
have hidden her story, with back up plans and all. She had
Shima and a couple of other people about what Omid was
doing. About the fact that he was calling her and ofcourse about
the fact that
she didn't want to have anything to do with it.
I knew Negin
for more than two years. I knew her smart character. She was really
ZERANG! And I knew that if this was really
the case, she would have come and told me straight away. She
have hidden it from me. This was where she made her mistake.
was the point I would never believe. That's why I
didn't trust her word anymore. The Negin I knew wouldn't
hesitate to tell me what was going on.
And it wasn't the first time she had stolen a boyfriend.
What did she do to Nahal? Abbas was Nahal's boyfriend first,
even though it was just a chat relationship. Negin
and Abbas were also just chat friends. But what Omid
and I had was real.
I was so confused. I layed down on my bed. My head was bursting
from the pain. My lips were dry and my eyes red. Ghalat
kardam ke raftam
too in chat. I wish I could undo it all. Wish I'd
never met these people, if you can call them people. HEYVOONAA!
My heart was filled with hatred.
TO BE CONTINUED
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