September 25, 2003
20th January 2003
I hadn't talked to Negin in a week or so. I didn't go online.
It felt useless and a waste of time. It felt like I had done nothing
in the last year, which I spent behind the computer. It wasn't
just a feeling, it was a fact. I really didn't do shit for the
last couple of months, except wasting my time with people who
didn't even deserve my company.
The night I spent with Val, wasn't clear in my mind. All I remember
was seeing that guy. I still didn't remember who he was and where
I had seen him before and why the heck was he smiling at me?
was sitting at the dinning room table, talking to my parents and
Ghorme Sabzi, which I hadn't eaten in a long time, when
the phone rang. It was Negin.
I still hadn't told her anything.
I didn't know what to say. At night when I slept I even dreamed
about hitting her, shouting names
at her and she would just willingly sit across me or lay on
the ground bleeding and crying. She had hurt me so much that words
cannot describe. At times I even felt sorry for her,
I thought to myself that one should be pretty sad to do this to
one of her friends.
When I heard her voice, something
inside me broke. I started crying and through my tears I said:
"Negin, do you have something to tell me?"
"Awiii, chi shode? Cheraa gerye mikoni?"
"Negin, I'm asking you, if you have something to tell me?"
"Na, chi migi Awisa? Chi shode?"
"Negin, baa Omid rikhti roo ham?"
"WHAT???? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?"
"HAMINI KE SHENIDI"
"Awisa khol shodi?? chi migi, I'm with Abbas, you know that."
"Shut the hell up and start telling the truth. I can't believe
you did this to me. I was your friend for years, ghasam mikhordi
ke mesle khaaharet boodam baraat... Is this
you treat your sister? Wow Negin, damet garm. Just tell
me the truth."
"Awisa chi migi, divoone asabaanim nakonaa!!! Man baa Omid?
kholi to, divoone shodi.ki behet in chert o perto gofte?"
"Omid GOH KHORD, to oono baavar mikoni yaa mano?"
"Nemidoonam chio bavaar konam, he's telling me stuff..."
"Awisa goosh kon, I wanted to tell you, but every one adviced me
not to. From the day you left for Holland, he has
been calling me and stuff and I told Abbas and Abbas was like don't tell Awi.
I told Shima and Sonya and even Sepideh. They all
told me not to
tell you, because it would hurt you. I kept telling
Omid he should not call me."
"Negin chert o pert nagoo, goosham mage
deraaze? You are some one who wakes me up in the middle of the night, just
to tell me Omid is chatting with a girl, now you're saying that you didn't
tell me because you were afraid it would hurt me feeling?
I don't believe
you for a second. You're too smart for such a crappy story. You made up this
just to back you up, when something like this
happened. Negin binaamoos tar az to nadidam taa haalaa. Actually
I feel sorry for you, you sank
so low. Khob daste dovomiye man behet chaspid?
BANG and I hung up. I felt soooo
relieved. Even thought "daste
dovom" was a nasty thing to say, it was
TO BE CONTINUED
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