June 26, 2005
iranian.com

About Shokooh

QUESTION
Religious wife is no fun

Dear Shokooh:

I am a 45-year-old Iranian male living in America for most of my life. I recently married a 24-year-old girl from Iran. She had spent all her life in Iran and was brought up in a conservative family. I, on the other hand, am very liberal and like to explore new things and navigate in the un-chartered territories. Specifically, my problem is that I would like to engage in non-conventional sex. But she resists me with all the traditional and religious taboo-like pretexts she had been taught growing up.

I have had multiple relationships with multiple women sometimes at the same time and I am used to having various forms of sexual acts. But, when I decided to get married, I thought it would be a good idea to marry a pure person. That’s why I decided to marry someone from Iran. But, after a short while I started missing the kinds of things I used to do with other women. I want those liberal sexual adventures! This problem is becoming so big that I am afraid our marriage is about to fall apart.

I was just wondering if you could shed some light on my predicament.

Yours Truly,

Cyrus

REPLY

Dear Cyrus,

Sometimes, when we are mired in a life situation, things become so chaotic that it is difficult to see. The simple becomes complex, the clear becomes blurry, and the obvious becomes obscure.

I think the best I can do to shed light on your predicament is summarize the issue and suggest that you read my summary many, many times. Here it is:

* You are a sexually unconventional man who thought it was a good idea to marry a much younger “pure” woman who is “traditional and religious.” Now, you are upset because she doesn’t want to engage in liberal sexual adventures with you.

* Think hard about that. In fact, read it aloud a couple times.

I believe the best next step for you and your wife is to seek the assistance of a licensed therapist qualified in marital counseling. A therapist can help guide you towards a better understanding of yourself while creating a safe and open place for you and your wife to have a frank discussion about your sexual preferences. This conversation sounds like it is long overdue.

I wish you and your wife much luck,

Shokooh

Top

About
This column is for general educational purposes only-- it is not a substitute for medical attention, counseling, or therapy of any kind. The Couch and the staff of this website urge you to seek immediate medical attention if you are in an urgent, harmful, or potentially dangerous situation. Psychiatric emergencies or urgent matters should be handled by calling 9-1-1 or going to the nearest emergency room.   Please note that your emails will not be answered on an individual basis and your confidentiality cannot be guaranteed. Top