Things that make us look bad
March 4, 2005
As an Iranian, I'd like to be proud of my heritage
and background. However, it is hard when so many idiots out
there make us look so bad. No,
I am not talking about our politicians. I am talking about everyday average Iranians
like myself. Today, I've decided to make a difference and start to air
a list of what is wrong with us. My aim is not to change the world. I only look
to wake one sleeping mind. For now, I will discuss five topics and see how things
go. The list is long but I'll start with these:
We are the children of the Achaemenid kings and queens. We
have Persepolis and Pasargad. We had one of the biggest and most
empires of the ancient world. We feel that everyone should know
about our history, climate, capital, flag, language and etc. Anyone
who doesn't know it snows in Tehran is an ignorant fool.
Who could also think that Iran is all desert? Also, we are not
Arabs and feel that everyone should know that we are neither
Arabs nor speak Arabic. Everyone must also be able to find Iran
Give me a break! How many of you can find every other country
on the map? Do you know the capital of every other country? Is
Ethiopia a green country or desert-like? Does it snow in Morocco?
The Achaemenid kings were neither the first dynasty nor the last.
Persia was neither the first empire nor the last. Persia was just
an empire, like so many others that ruled much of the known world
and then became part of history. China, Egypt, Jordan, Lebanon,
Greece, Italy, Mexico, Sudan, Libya, Cambodia, and etc all have
historical sites that are at the very least, just as impressive
as what we have in Iran. Be proud of being an Iranian and your
history, but don't expect everyone to bow to you.
if someone thinks you're an Arab, correct them. But don't act
as if they just insulted your mama.
As Iranian men, we are open-minded when it comes to pre-marital
dating. We feel that men and women should be free to date and
This all changes when we decide to marry. At that time, we
become as closed-minded as one can be. We only want to suddenly
marry the gorgeous, naïve, shy and virgin girl from Iran.
The good girls living outside of Iran are not really good.
Get over yourselves. If you meet a girl and she is good to you,
then she is marriage material. It shouldn't make a difference
if she has had sex with you or anyone else. Also, the virgin girls
in Iran are no different from the ones living in Los Angeles, London
or Toronto. Good is good, PERIOD. Lastly, keep in mind that if
a girl is to screw you over, virginity, size of breasts, IQ or
living location won't make a bit of difference.
Iranian women are always looking for the
right man. We say that the 'right one' is the one who treats us
with respect and shows us absolute loyalty and love. In reality
the right-one must drive a car that is worth a second look. Titles
are very important. Doctors, professors and scientists get top
priority. Engineers are good as well but as long as the specific
our families and relatives.
Virginity is the Holy Grail everyone is after. If an Iranian
man says 'hello' it has nothing
to do with being courteous; he really wants your virginity.
Get over yourselves. Not every
guy is after sex. Some actually mean hello when they
say hello. Also,
be honest with yourselves and the rest of humanity. If you're
after the guy with the Benz and mansion, just say so.
Don't tell everyone you're after true love and don't
care if your husband is a taxi driver, as long as he's decent.
We feel that the Iranian clientele owe us a big thank you for
opening a business. They should feel proud that a new
Persian sign has gone up in Westwood or Yonge Street. We don't
like paying taxes but don't see a problem charging our customers
the same tax we plan on pocketing.
When food products go past the
expiry date, instead of discarding it, we put a SALE sign on
it and sell it to our customers. Non-Iranian restaurants keep a
appearance while the kitchen is dirty. But we are consistent
in being filthy in the front, and back kitchen.
You suck! If you don't plan on passing the retail tax to
the government then at least, for God's sake, don't
charge me for it. You should also realize that expired food affects
my body the same as your American and Canadian customers. We'll
trade a single honest Iranian business with 1,000 dishonest ones.
Lastly, don't expect us to thank you for opening a business.
Instead, thank us for our patronage and the money we are spending.
We are racist. We act as if God created the Persian race and
broken the mold. When we can, either verbally or actually doing
it, we discriminate against other races and people. We think we
are better than everyone else. At the same time, we always claim
to be victims of racism. If we don't get what we're
after, it's because of racism.
Listen up! Treat others as you would like to be treated.
If you hate the Blacks, Arabs, Jews, Bahais, Afghans, or Indians,
then you do deserve to have your ass kicked by
skinheads. Also, if you don't get the job you want or
your loan application gets rejected, it's not because you
were discriminated against. It most likely means you didn't
qualify or didn't have good credit.