January 11, 2006
This essay is in response to the concerns of many single young
and middle-aged Iranians who complain about the Iranian dating
scene. Specifically, it is in response to an Iranian man
in a forum who once complained that Iranian women dont like to
date Iranian men and marry outside of their ethnicity.
states that for various reasons Iranian women have changed since
the generation of our parents and grandparents; whether
it be the 1) current regime, 2) lack of religious and moral values
(Iranians raised or born outside of Iran), social problems, Iranian
women in western societies not being able to balance freedom
with modesty, mardaye Iraani badan, ect, it still doesn't change
the fact that they have changed.
From my experiences, I
think Iranian men emigrating from Iran to the West tend to be
more nationalistic and take pride in their background than Iranian
women of the same caliber mostly because of the animosity of
the current regime towards women.
I believe that the MAJOR reason
(but not the only reason) ma Iraaniha etehaad nadarim va as ham
dige bademoon miyaad is caused
by our lack of religious, spiritual and moral beliefs. Chera
pesar irooniya kamtar ba dokhtar irooni ezdevaj mikonand? Chera
dokhtar irooni kamtar ba pesar irooni miran? There's gotta
be deeper reasons besides that Iranian men think that Iranian
women are a headache and Iranian women think Iranian men gossip
after they break up them.
Ponder this thought: was it worth
it to throw your religion all because of a corrupt regime? You
must be wondering why I'm raising the issue of religion since
we are talking about
relationships. When you practice a religion in moderation
and instill morals and some religious beliefs in your children
they will tend to stick to their own kind. This applies
to Iranians who grew up outside of Iran and to the newly arrived
Iranian immigrants in the west.
The Iranians who arrive
as immigrants have seen such a misuse and abuse of Islam in Iran
that the first thing they do when they arrive in Europe, America
and Canada is to distance themselves from it. They hate
anything with Islam in it. It doesn't help that image portrayed
here is negative, some of it true some of it unjust. Ma
iroonia kheyli do roo baazi dar miyaarim. When it's to
our advantage we say we are Muslim or Iranian when it's not we
say something else. I mean what happened to being strong
and standing up for something?
Let's take an
example. I studied at school with a large
Lebanese population whom I interacted with freely. I would
say that the Lebanese are more open-minded than us in a lot of
ways. What was interesting is that all the Lebanese guys
were interested in Lebanese girls and vice-versa. They
never bad mouthed each other. You wanna know why?
they were open-minded they never forgot their roots, religion
and morals because their parents (esp. fathers) instilled that
they were Lebanese and Muslim first and whatever else second. That's
why they all have a strong preference to marry their own kind. They
were Lebanese Muslim or Christian and for overwhelming majority
they were only going to marry their own. This is evident
and prevalent in Pakistani, Afghani, Greek, southern Italian
and other tight knit cultures.
Now let's take the example
of Iranians in America and the west. Most
of the girls grow up having fathers or mothers (mostly fathers)
who bash Islam and everything about it without studying it. How
do you expect Iranian women to be moral in the west when most
of their fathers bash religion? Having some religious beliefs
in moderation (any religion Islam, Bahai, Christianity, Judaism)
provides the morals that we humans need to guide us. The
new trend among Iranians is to be spiritual and they identify
their religion as spirituality; when you ask them what spiritual
is they pause and can't answer you.
Iranians are all about this
superficial and shallow Persian pride when most havent either
never been to Iran or havent been back
in along time. Pride in culture and heritage is important
but religion is the foundation and the root that holds a heritage
and culture in tact. Before Islam, we had Zoroastrianism. Now
we have Islam. Preserve it in your kids and teach them
the right way.
We all have gone to Iranian parties and heard some
irrational person say how Islam is the root of all Iranian problems. Although
religion should be separate from government and the current regime
in Iran should go, how many Iranians Muslims do you know who
actively practice their religion or at least have some sort of
respect for it? I can count them on my hands & fingers.
fall into the category of I have the utmost respect for all religions
and since I'm Muslim I reserve my greatest respect for Islam. How
many Iranians that you know of can even say that? Many
I know ridicule it and think somehow we can assimilate better
in other societies by putting down our roots. Please don't
argue back that we were attacked 1400 years ago by Arabs and
we were forced to convert. We attacked so many other cultures
who adapted our culture and so many others (Greeks, Mongols,
ect.) attacked us; yet we are the only ones who are so bitter
about it. That argument is baseless.
date an Iranian you can find out how moral she or he is by asking
her what her parents attitude is towards religion. Try
it on your next date (lol). If his or her parents have
a negative view of religion chances are he or she will lack the
morals you might be looking for.
Some parents blame all
their problems on the religion Islam. I
hate to break it to you if your daughter is sleeping around,
it's not because of Islam it's because you failed to raise your
daughter right with morals; same goes if your son is a drug dealer
or user. They still have not educated themselves enough
to separate akhoonds and political Islam with Islam as spiritual
guidance. Most enlightened people have realized that politics
and religion should be separate; what most Iranians intellectuals
fail to realize is that our problem is not Islam as a whole;
it's the current regime and politics mixed with religion.
all these parents (mostly fathers) bash their own roots esp.
religion, what's a young Iranian girl going to believe? Absolutely
nothing. When you don't believe in a religion
you don't care as much about morals and dating outside of your
becomes more commonplace.
If you want to date outside your
religion and race it is all right but for those of you who say
that Iranians need to stick to Iranians then raise your children
the right way (in moderation not like fanatics) with morals and
religion so they are more likely to stick to their own kind. I
know some of you are wise guys and say what you want us to do
put hijabs on our daughters' heads? No that's not what
I meant. I mean use your brain and teach your kids the
good of religion and morality.
I am all for Iranian men and women
who marry outside of their ethnicity and introduce our rich culture
and heritage to theirloved
ones but when they marry out of hate for their own kind and shun
them away, well that disappoints me. Some woman
before was trying to rub it in that she is engaged with a Canadian
fiance. Well good for you and I wish you the best.
am in a serious relationship with a non-Iranian Muslim simply
because I have found her beauty, loyalty, care and morals superior
to the five other Iranian girls I had a previous relationship
with; but I have no ill-will towards Iranian women; I just feel
are not compatible and have very little in common. I have
seen it and compared Iranian families and reached this conclusion.
it's important for you that Iranians stick with Iranians then
make sure your children and their generation grow up right. I
wanted an Iranian girl that was raised like me. I dated
five and couldn't find it. It was important for me until
I saw I was not compatible with my own kind. I blame the
parents not society for this lack of unity, distrust and hatred
among the Iranian dating scene. I gave up and raised the
white flag like most of us have.
I grew up in a conservative
household who does not agree or like the current regime in Iran. However,
we never forgot our roots as Iranian first and then as Muslims. I
look at the other families my family mingles with at social gatherings. They
all drink excessively and curse at Islam the religion.
is even funnier is they all wonder why their daughters dress
so provocative and why they don't date or marry their own kind. Sorry
to break it to you but when you fail to instill morals, religious
beliefs and cultural beliefs in your children esp. your daughters
they will lose respect for you and your identity.
next time you Iranians look at Arabs, Afghanis, Pakistanis, Turks
as lower than us and say they are "dehati" (village
people) at least they don't have the problem we have when it
comes to dating our own kind. Ask yourself why are their
women more loyal than ours? Why do their men mostly date
their own kind?
It all comes back to their parents raising
them with religion and morals. There is something
to be learned from them. Although Iranians are the most
educated Muslims and Middle-Easterns and the most successful
immigrants in the States, it is not an excuse to lose our sense
of morals, religion and our roots as a whole. We must be
able to balance the two. There can't be a trade-off between
education and religion.
Once again, I wish all Iranians
whether they date/marry Iranian or non-Iranian nothing but the
best. By the way on a lighter
note good luck to my boys next year in World Cup 2006 in Germany. Zende
baad Team Melli.