The last waltz before rape
October 15, 2001
All her life she had chased her own reflection in the depth of their
eyes only to see it disappear... vanish in the dusk of their lust. She seemed
completely lost, a prisoner of their seducing stares in which there were
always hints of a violent ending.
But there was something dull and arduous about the stare of this man;
this roughhouse of ideas and ideals. She had looked long and hard into his
eyes, but the picture had not changed; she could not see herself. There
were no fading shadows, no disfigured shapes or shades, but an undiminished
emptiness; a complete void.
He gorged her with soft cunning whispers, promises and compliments. Yet
in the bosom of each word dwelled the budding eyes of a greater sense of
invalidation. She was submerged in a rhythmic coma that pulsated from her
lack of self-confidence. The confusion and the chaos emanated from years
of inner conflict had swelled into a tumor that ate away at her memory;
at her senses. She saw in any shipwrecked heap of a man the prospect of
an impregnable refuge; and in this man she could see no more and no less.
He reached calmly to hold and press her uncertain hands. Her breath sunk
back hard and coldly into her lungs. He sensed the vibration of its impact
and that thrilled and awoke the dark side of his imagination. She instinctively
knew that those hands had marched to conquer her. She tried to evade his
advances but his eyes grew wilder in dimension; swallowing and crushing
the vessel of her resistance in the abyss of his lust.
Suddenly he retreated his hands and stood glowing amidst the darkness
he had created. She looked again into his eyes searching for her own reflection,
but the picture had not changed; she could not see herself. There were no
fading shadows, no disfigured shapes or shades, but an undiminished emptiness;
a complete void.
Thousand and one unclaimed words were exchanged in between the peaks
of their distanced stares. Their thoughts danced timidly along and across
the frontiers of their dark and light thoughts; at the end the darkness
was the music accompanying their last waltz. A sigh announced her surrender.
She disrobed, disinheriting her pride. He disrobed, disinheriting his humanity.
The music played on and when the last note broke out the silence anew;
she saw in his eyes herself in entire. There were no fading shadows, no
disfigured shapes or shades, but an undiminished emptiness; a complete void.