I am starting to believe
I don't think events in life are a bunch of probabilities
By Ali Kazemi
November 8, 2001
I recently came acorss an article on "Ghessmat"
in this magazine. The author, probably a scientist, argued that many events
in life occur by chance and that external forces probably do not have much
of a role in determining what happens to us in this life. Well, I disagree
because of a miracle that happened to both me and my wife that made me change
I met my wife eight years ago in at a univeristy. I was a finishing my
training in medical school and she was a nursing student. We got married
two years later. We lived a perfect life and were extremely happy. One day,
my wife complained of pain in her belly. We initially thought it is just
regular cramps and did not pay too much attention to it. Howerver, the cramps
did not go away.
Finally, I called a colleague who ordered a CT-Scan. Few days later,
I get a phone call from my wife "Ali, It is a tumour, what should we
do?" I told her to just hang in there and I will be right there. I
don't know how I made the drive home.
When I got home, I saw her in the kitchen sobbing. I still could not
believe it. Immediately, the word "cancer" came to my mind. As
a physician I am the one who tells people about the fact that they have
cancer, now my patient was my wife, the person I love more than anything
on this earth. I thought whatever it was, we would beat it. I called my
friend, an oncologist, and got an appointment. Few days later we saw him.
My wife had cancer of the ovary.
When your loved one is diagnosed with cancer, your world stops. The most
difficult part is the tests that follow to see how advanced the disease
is. The blood tests, CT-Scans and so forth. The oncologist told us the tumor
was quite aggressive and she had to go through high-dose chemotherapy.
I could only imagine how my beautiful wife would look like, after going
through chemotherapy, which is practically poison patients take to kill
cancerous cells. During this whole ordeal I searched for studies that had
looked at the type of cancer my wife had in hope that I may find something
the oncologists didn't know about. Almost all studies pointed to one thing:
two-year survival is only 20-40%.
I took time off work and took care of her during her treatment. I Helped
her with the nausea, the hair loss; we basically went through hell and came
back in six months.
One day, I stopped at the hospital's chapel. I had never been in a church
or chapel before. I was never religious. But I went and asked god to save
my wife. I felt helpless. If medical science could did not have much answers
then may be seomthing else, a supreme force could help.
My wife finished her chemotherapy. She has been cancer free for four
years. My colleagues say it is a miracle. I am starting to believe in it
too. If medical science can't explain how she survived this beast, then
maybe there is something out there that is capable of this.
Unlike the author of "Ghessmat" I don't think events in life
are a bunch of probabilities. I think it is a more complicated phenomenon.
I usec to ask my grandmother why she prays so much and recites different
kinds of prayers everyday. Well maybe those prayers were not in vain.