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I'm afraid, pops
"Dad, this the end of the world?"

By Peyvand Khorsandi
September 11, 2001
The Iranian

My antenna picked up this conversation from the Bush family phone line:

-- "Hot damn, Dad! They bombed the Trade Center. What do I do?"

-- "Okay George, be calm, where are you?"

-- "The Oval Room?"

-- "Oval? Get your ass outta there, you klutz!"

-- "Where should I go?"

-- "Hell, find a Starbucks, a MacDonald's -- and DUCK!"

-- "But Dad, what about the PRESS!?"

-- "Murdoch and Turner'll take care of that, say it was all filthy Brown fundamentalists out to kill White people. Go on boy, address the nation tell'em we'll rip those Muslim wife-beating sons'a'bitches' brains out -- and don't forget to commiserate!"

-- "They ain't gonna buy it Dad. We've been ripping guts out of the planet too long. First Seattle now it's a wave, I can feel it, we let our firms embrace the Taliban, let one too many Indochina kids sew sneakers, our pharmaceutical boys blocked AIDS treatment in South Africa and, well, I'll be a piece of Palestinian shit -- McVeigh! They're on to us, Dad."

-- "Listen boy, we ain't finished with our business as long as there's a drop of oil left in Afghan soil. Besides, Taliban boys have been good to us Texans. Can't let'em down in a moment of need... it ain't Christian. Just have to teach the niggas a lesson. Now talking of niggas, where's Colin?"

-- "You ain't listenin' pops -- we got hit! They hit the Trade Center. You said you'd whip their Jordanian asses out in the Gulf. You said there'll be no more Brown people left by the time you finished with'em!"

-- "Those were Iraqis, you little prick, now quit cursin'. I said where's Colin?"

-- "Fieldin' journalists."

-- "Good move. [George begins to sob] Whassamatter boy? Oh, stop being such a pussy."

-- "I'm afraid pops, afraid."

-- "You have no reason too son, you're President of the United States of America".

-- "[Sobbing heavily] But I am Dad, I am."

-- "Oh, dear. Barbara!"

[Pause]

-- "Dad, this the end of the world?"

-- "End of the world! Son, let me ask you a question. Did they bomb the White House?"

-- "No."

-- "Then it's only the beginning."

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