|Truth shall triumph
Notice of Resignation from Three Kings of Orient
By Fatema Soudavar Farmanfarmaian
December 18, 2002
We Three Kings of Orient, Zoroastrian Magi of yonder and yore, hereby notify
all good Christians that we will not participate in the celebrations of the coming
Christmas in the United States, due to circumstances beyond the powers that, in the
olden days, were bequeathed to our race.
We beg for forgiveness for this inconvenience, but the most noble scribes of US Immigration
have sent word out to us that those who, like us, were born in Iran or happen to
be of Iranian descent or extraction, are deemed a threat to their land, and they
therefore see fit to rescind our visas. This has caused us to think and reconsider
Should we apologize for all else that has crept from our faith into that of the Jews
and from there, to that of the rest, and that goes for Christians and Moslems, including
our Moslems of Iran. For whatever transgressed from our faith must have done so insidiously,
unbeknownst to ourselves, though whether the intent was subversive or not, it must
be decided by the choice officers of Great Intelligence who have such experience
in saving your great land from external assault.
Thus, we apologize in this Holy Season for having given you notions of Salvation,
of a Resurrection, of the Day of Judgment and concomitantly, of Paradise and of Hell,
of Angels, Archangels, and of course, Messiah, all of which, we must hope, will not
taint your good faith so adversely that they will too suffer expulsion at the hands
of the those most worthy scribes.
But Satan they can keep, and indeed, we express our deepest gratitude for your having
usurped the principle of evil, Ahriman, who showers the work of creation with counter
creations that wreak havoc on earth. Even though our Prophet, Zoroaster, has said
that Ahriman will end up a loser at the end, we fully sympathize that Satan-Ahriman
should not be welcome there. We have a suggestion: send him to Hollywood where he
will find a role made to measure.
For the rest, we do not understand why the scribes of your land treat us so. If we
traveled afar to revere the Infant, it was only because of Zoroaster's promise that
a Messiah would come (we call him Saoshyant, but you can say Bob or Tom, if it's
easier for you), and this Savior would cleanse the whole world of its sins, so that
bliss may then bless all the virtuous ones who had followed the path of Ahura Mazda,
God of Light and Wisdom, whom Zoroaster worshipped.
Verily, verily, we had waited at least for some two thousand years, and were beginning
to show some impatience with this much-awaited promise, when, lo and behold, a Star
arose in the sky above and beckoned to where a Messiah was born. Now the world of
creation would be cleansed of the Lie (that's the foremost symbol of evil and of
sin) and all the attendant evils that Ahriman had brought forth to the work of the
good creations of Ahura Mazda.
Should such allegations seem subversive to some, or potentially fraught with danger
or harm (which is why we did not get our visas, we think), we will not interfere
if you so choose to purge your beliefs and your feasts of other intrusions from our
most sacred faith, though we put you on guard that once that is done, the laundering
may leave precious little behind.
Thus we show that we are verily of good thought, of good word and good deed, that,
in keeping with what Zoroaster proclaimed, our existence has been devoted with much
zeal to the cosmic battle against manifestations of evil and sin. In this very spirit,
we pledge to you now that we shall do our best to cooperate with your mission of
cleansing your country of our race, so that nothing remains of Iranianness.
As a final measure to ensure against risk from heretics like us, we suggest that
your King submit a bill of law to the Noble Elect of your House of Senate, asking
them for a change in the date once chosen by Fathers of the Church of Nativity. It
is well known by now, that, as pragmatic priests, they decided to opt for the popular
feast of the winter solstice, the birthday of Mithra, our Sun God and model for Savior
before the time of Zoroaster, of whom they, however, knew not that he moved south
for well-earned vacations during dark and cold days which were celebrated as his
Once again, this was done without our knowledge. Had they had the good sense to consult
us, of course, we could have helped, since we knew when the Infant was born, having
traveled afar to attend the event. After two thousand years our astrological charts
have suffered the blows of the passage of time, and our memory is not what it was
in our youth. Which may also be why our visas expired.
Should the choice of a date of replacement be fraught with the thorns that are strewn
on the path of most laws, we suggest that your King and Elect perhaps ask their good
Wahhabite friends in Arabia Felix to provide them duly with an alternative
day from their own calendar. It is lunar, of course, but not alien to Jews nor Christians,
who calculate their Passover and Easter by its means.
But a word of caution may be due at this point: We cannot guarantee that, with us
resigning, the demons, disguised as Qaeda, will not act in our name and abuse the
reputation we gained from a King not well-known for being endowed with the virtues
to rule, even less rule the world, nor can we accept to be punished for deeds perpetrated
by them. But there is such a thing as justice, if not in this world, in the next.
Through the good agency of Ahura Mazda, Lord of Wisdom and Light, the virtuous shall
gain their place in Heaven and the sinners be banned to the torments of Hell. For
such was the wisdom of our Zoroaster that he so designed the Day of Judgment as to
purge His creation of the bane of the Lie. That is when each of us will account for
his deeds, and the sinners will go through the scorching ordeal of molten metal which
will flow from the core of the earth, while the same will just feel like sweet milk
(pasteurized, sterilized and free of bacteria) to the virtuous ones. Or in simpler
terms, we shall know who is who, who did what, and to whom. Then the Truth shall
triumph, and since the world of Light is the abode of the Truth,, then the Light
will be yours, oh ye Virtuous ones ó unless pipelines are bombed.
In good faith, we would like to counsel your King
, since it seems that he has an aversion to Writs of the Wise and Learned of his
vast Dominions, that if he finds it too hard to understand the above, it might do
him some good to consult with Wise ones whom the Lord God hath graced with a fine
intellect and who put it to use to show that, indeed, far from clash, there has been
dialogue all along between races and creeds since before history had begun, let alone
come to a crashing end.
To this end, we suggest Professor Mary Boyce of the shores of Albion and Professor
Shaked of the House of Learning, in a place not too far from the benighted place
where Jesus Christ was born. Should your King prove to be as averse to the minds
of the lofty and wise as he is to their writs, which is likely, we think, he and
all his Elect can consult the Friedmanns and the Pfaffs and Hoaglands and other Distinguished
and Merry Gentlemen of the Most Holy See of the World Government, and seek enlightenment
through their daily doses of counsel as proffered through their Writs of the Times
and the Washington Post, for the Lord, whom we know works in mysterious ways, hath
bestowed upon them exclusive use of ink and of scrolls, to guide one and all on the
May they be shown the Light, may the oil that ignites the abode of the Truth, never
cease to provide its bounty and light - though metal in the core of the earth might
then melt much faster than thought. May Light illuminate unmerry Gentlemen who, day
in and day out, warn of Apocalypse with a mien so 'ashen' that it veers too often
towards the Ashcroftian, and thus show them the way to the Joy of Christmas, just
as once, long ago, far away, we ourselves were guided by the Star to the crib that
sent forth the Holy Messiah.
It remains for us three to wish that your Christmas, no longer bedeviled by evil
intrusions, may bring ye happiness. May your prosperous land rise above the torment
visited upon it by the devious men of the Money Temple of unholy Wall Street and
their Pharisean helper who likewise bears a name that smacks of Iranian extraction,
for Alans were indeed an Iranian tribe who roamed far and roamed wide across Eurasian
lands at the time Christ was born, which might also explain why he has so conspired
to unleash such mayhem on your economy.
your silver dollar recover from treason and bless you with leisure, so that there
will be time to spare thoughts for the meek who, wretched as they are, await deliverance
thanks to intervention by your Great King of Kings. All of ye Gentlemen and ye Gentlewomen,
may nothing ye dismay, no axis, no evil, be they of your making. Make merry while
it lasts. (Or should that read 'make money'?).
P.S.: To give satisfaction to the powerful Tribe known as the Feminists, and to beg
forgiveness that Three Kings, not Three Queens, were chosen in those days of patriarchal
power, we would like to make good by choosing a female of our race to diffuse our
important message. Though she bears a name of Arabic Islamic origin, she is of Iranian
extraction, and does not represent the mullas who have been sullying our good name
with their harsh penalties for the bravest and best of our valiant youth. Molten
metal will tell.
Fatema Soudavar Farmanfarmaian was born in Tehran in 1940 and studied in Iran
and Switzerland. In Iran she was on the committe of a number of organizations, including
the Museum of Modern Art and the Women's University. She also did volunteer work
for the Deparment of the Environment, where she planned education for schools and
TV on environmental subjects. Since the Revolution she has been focusing on research
and writing. Her latest appeared in The Journal of the Society for Iranian
Studies (Summer/Fall 2000) called "Haft Qalam Arayish: Cosmetics int he Iranian
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