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Relative visa
I should have the right to refuse entry to any relative

By Farid Moghadassi
January 8, 2002
The Iranian

Yes, everybody's worst nightmare is the combination of relatives and holidays. More specifically having Iranian relatives visit you from all over the world. Don't get me wrong, I love my relatives but only in the beginning when greeting them at the airport. Anything after that is nothing but torture.

The process of interacting and spending a lot of time with one another creates misery, jealousy on their part by learning of our American lifestyle and also brings back awful flashbacks from Iran. Very seldom does anybody ever enjoy the company of a relative after a few days.

As a tax paying U.S. citizen, I expect services such as denying visas to all my relatives who are trying to come here whether to visit or live. I am tired of having to constantly pray with my family for an embassy to deny visas to my relatives who are trying very hard to come here to America.

Every American citizen including me should have a VIP list at every embassy so that I don't have to deal with those relatives that bring me trouble. The VIP. list consists of close relatives and not some spare second cousin who lives in Qazvin who you have only seen once at some funeral.

When a relative shows up at some U.S. embassy in Turkey or Dubai they should not only worry about getting a visa but also worry about finding their name on their relative's VIP list. The privileged few who do succeed and receive a visa will be shocked to find that their visa lasts only for five nights and six days.

No relative will ever be allowed to stay for two to four months.

Americans who do not have Iranian relatives have no idea how much this visa will mean to us. We take our relatives to Disneyland and Universal Studios and next thing you know they are on top of you thinking about getting a Green Card.

The holidays are a time of relaxation not a time to have to deal with an Iranian radio station blasting from one side of the room -- where the elder guests lounge -- and an Iranian television channel blasting from another part of the house -- where the younger, fresh off the boat guests hang out.

You should not be dealing with some relative screaming and begging for someone to magically burp out a Green Card for his kid. Whatever happened to the days when we had to ride a donkey for days to make way into Turkey to apply for U.S. political asylum?

I refuse to pay some lawyer to get a Green Card for yet another relative who promises to repay my money but doesn't. As a U.S. citizen, I want to enjoy the American dream that they promised me and not have to chase down lawyers for Green Cards.

It's not my fault some relative could not recognize the fact that after the revolution the country was a bad place to raise a family. I don't know much but I do know that I made the right decision to come here to America and I hope no relative will burst my bubble.

Because of my relatives' huge tea consumption, our kitchen has turned into a tea brewing factory. We order sugar cubes by the box and Lipton Tea has decided to shoot a commercial in our house using my drinking-tea-like-crazy relatives. My great uncle collapses if his teacup is empty. Amidst all this commotion, you can hear my wife screaming for help as in-laws decide to attack her.

I used to love the game of backgammon but now with the relatives playing this damn game every minute of the hour, I get a sudden twitch in my neck when I hear the dice hitting the table.

Some people might think that I am cruel but those people have no clue that my wife left me because of my relatives. She took everything except for the 650 sheets of lavaashak that my relatives brought me from Iran.

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