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Love

Damn you!
I will have my heart broken a thousand times

By Mitra K.
April 28, 2004
iranian.com

You know, I can sit here and argue with you. Call you names. Tell you how cruel a person you are, and how you broke my heart. But what's the use? How is it going to change anything? What's done is done. So I'm not going to waste precious time saying that shit.

Instead I want to thank you. No, there is nothing wrong with your hearing; I did say I want to thank you. I learned a lot from being with you. In some ways I learned about love. I mean you are the first person I have fallen in love with. By being with you and loving you I understood myself better. I realised things about myself that I had never noticed before.

You made me believe how beautiful I am, inside and out. With you, I learned to be more confident and self assured. I discovered that I am one of the few really virtuous and good-natured people in the world. No, I am not kidding. You will not find anybody more honest and caring and mature and calm and independent than me.

By loving you I learned to love myself. I want to thank you for that. You also taught me a thing or two about Iranian men. Like how damn gheyratee they are. How over protective of their women they are.

I want to thank you for bringing excitement and joy in my life. You know, for a while I had found Nirvana. I had reached ultimate happiness. I mean, how many people in the world do you think are truly happy in their life? Not many. With you I learned about life. How intoxicating it is. How pure. How good it can be to us sometimes.

I also learned that when you wish for something really, really, really, really hard it becomes true. I did not try to make anything happen. I just wished for someone to love, and you popped into my life. I mean I was not searching for you. I wasn't looking around for that "Persian Prince". So I guess that goes to show that just when we stop searching, trying to make pleasant things happen, and become extremely frustrated and just totally give up, that joyous event that we have been waiting for our whole life finally happens.

But, the same way you just appeared out of nowhere, you disappeared. Maybe this is the way it's supposed to happen. Maybe this is all planned. I mean, they say everything happens for a reason, correct? So perhaps this is all for the better. I also learned to look past you faults and mistakes and love you for who you are. I'm sure you did the same thing, because after all no one is perfect and flawless. I want to thank you for the fun times we had together.

We laughed, we cried, we.... well, anyways. Thank you for listening to me. It's not often that I show my true feelings and emotions to fellow human beings. But with you I was comfortable. I could tell you anything. Because I knew you would not judge me or think any less of me. You loved me no matter what. Merci.

I want to thank you for something else too. You have given me a topic that I can write endlessly about. Love. You. Thanks to you I can now relate to all those songs I hear on the radio. The ones about broken hearts. About once having something, then it is suddenly taken away from you.

I now wonder, is this the way it's always going to be? I mean you fall in love, think it's going to last forever, and then you just lose everything. I think to myself does god hate me? What the hell did I do to deserve this? You want to hear that after you I never want to fall in love again, don't you? You want to hear me say that I will never find anybody as loving and caring as you, eh? Well you are absolutely wrong.

Yes, I did think that way for a while, but then I said to myself what is the reason for my existence? Love. Love is why we are all here today. Adam loved Eve. So I'm sure I will fall in love over and over and over again. And I will have my heart broken a thousand times. But this is the way life is. No one said it was going to be easy. I just have to be very brave. I have to be strong. And think of it as a good experience when it's over.

Every time my heart starts to hurt I have to think about the things I've gained through it. I'll have many, many sleepless hours of darkness. I'll have to listen to Faramrz Aslani sing "Ageh Yeh Rooz" and cry myself to sleep many cold and endless nights. But it's part of the game. Not very fun, is it?

See, the way I see it is you have to live every day not expecting a damn thing, that way whatever happens it'll be like a good surprise. I think I lost my point between all this cherto pert. Oh yes, thank you, than you, and thank you...

You know, I don't know whether to cry or to laugh. I mean I just got my heart broken. I loved you more than anything in the world. We were supposed to marry each other and live the rest of our lives together. All the things you promised, you broke those promises. But on the other hand, I think life is too short. I shouldn't waste me time crying over something that has happened. These tears are not going to do any good. I have to get over you and move on. I know a part of me will always feel empty without you, but what can I do? Daste man nist ke.

So thank you, I want you to know that I will never ever forget you, and I will always love you. Adieu.

Saturday, Nov. 9th, 2002

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