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Letter

We'll have fun -- again
I promise

By Parviz
May 18, 2004
iranian.com

I met this angel a few years ago. We both were very good friends at first. The first time I saw her I instantly fancied her, but because I was in a relationship my conscience didn't allow me to ask her out (I wish I did). My relationship wasn't serious with the girl. I was going out with (two-faced such and such..), but it still didn't feel right asking my love out on a date.

After a month or two we were both single. I was working at this place, it was a boring job & I didn't have much to do, so I used to go on MSN a lot & I had her on my MSN contact list. I always chatted with her. She was always kind to me. Whenever I felt sad and down, she always came and talked to me and calmed me with her kind words, with her beautiful green eyes. She used to/still does talk about everything that mattered/matters in this life with passion. That was one of the reasons I really liked her. She was unbelievably different.

One day she came down to my workplace because my grandfather had passed away and I was very depressed. That day she made me feel like I was once again alive and not a dead man walking on earth. Because of my previous horrible relationship I at first tried not to get too close. I was scared, but I started to fancy her even more. She was/is absolutely different from other girls. I can't even compare.

One day we decided to go to central London to smoke a little bit of qelyoon and walk about. We were walking and I started singing the song "Maraa Beboos" to her. Iwas that night I took the risk and asked her out. I would have never thought she would say yes. I always thought I wasn't good enough for her. I even told her and she with her soft voice said to me not to think that way. She even told her mother how happy she was to go out with me. I was really happy that night and felt like I was in heaven/still am.

Throughout our relationship we had ups and downs that we dealt with. But I made one big mistake, one huge mistake that I really, deeply and truly regret, and that was not listening to her, which I thought I did. She always solved my problems. She listened to me. She basically did everything for me that she could have done.

One day she told me she was in love with me. I was all in tears -- never told her, don't know why. I should have, it was wrong to keep such secret from an angle who wanted me close to her emotionally. I was over the moon, I was very happy but scared that I might get too attached and then somewhere along the line things might go wrong. But I was already in love with her. I had to listen to my heart and my heart was saying "yes, love her, she will never hurt you, she will protect you, and you will protect her."

I always acted tough because I thought by keeping an angry face I could deal with my problems. Sometimes I took out my anger on my love, but she kept quiet and told me that wasn't the real me. She kissed me and calmed me down. She insisted to sit and listen to my problems. I told her everything.

She basically knows everything about me. From the day I was born to this day, she knows it all. She recommended me to a councillor. She even found the address, emailed them. She talked me to go back to university, and I did. I ended up leaving university after having many problems within my household. She told me it was ok. She once again listened, and told me everything was going to be fine.

Anyhow, I've come to realise how wrong I've been. I basically want to apologize and tell her how much I love here and that I will always be there for her.

"D" I love you (eshghe man), no matter what. I'm a changed man, and I will not prove it to you by repeating the word "sorry", I will prove it to you by my actions. We'll have fun again, I'll promise you. And I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for listening to me all this time. It's my turn to listen to you properly. I will always remember this poem you wrote to me. It will live within me and my love will grow stronger for you:

He came, placed his finger next to mine,
And began to draw a line with me.
It followed itself through to the growing of a Rose.
Who's scent, pale and melodious, grew within my senses.
Dancing within my spirit, the offspring of joy, it found its home within my heart.

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