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Dumping on the regime
On civil disobedience


May 10, 2007
iranian.com

Albert Einstein's sub-section of theory of relativity which is called special relativity offers some consequences one of which states that "two events that appear simultaneous to an observer A will not be simultaneous to an observer B if B is moving with respect to A". Interpretation of this single consequence in field of political science offers similar results.

When our fathers used to remind us that the entire Pahlavi regime and the clan of Ghajar before them as well as the religious leaders were collectively a creation and direct results of decades of British interference in Iran we used to laugh at them in our ignorance, doubts and skepticism because we were no longer a part of that period's history and our inherent lack of trust to recorded history. Nor are the youth of today aware that when they chant "down with America and Israel" they are merely serving the wills of the British spies and the British government that wants America's hands cut off from Iran.

It's only recently that a few contemporary Iranians are gradually coming to understand that their true enemy is not and has never been Israel or America but rather the same shrewd British who sent spies to Iran from India -- e.g. Khomeini's father -- and continue having their key puppets running the shows in Iran. But for as long as US government does not declare publicly that its number one enemy in the west Asia are the British and not Muslims; the falsification of the truth will continue and America has to pay the high price of invading countries to curb the British domination. If Iran's building an atomic bomb is so bad why doesn't US encourage the British to attack Iran single-handedly and US keep out of it? That's because US is aware that the British are the best friend and sponsor of the Islamic monarchy.

Because Iranian modern history and its documentation are filled with lies, flattery and lascivious lopsided compliments to the kings and religious charlatans; it leaves us very little trust in our history because with change of each dynasty all heroes become villains and vice versa. Those whom would have ended up in prisons of Shah are now heroes for crimes that they have committed and their images are the garnish of the official Iranian postage stamps. So the joke is on us.

And why are we getting so upset and defensive when someone makes a movie such as "300"? If it was not for Xenophon of Ephesus and Herodotus of Halicarnassus we wouldn't even have a recorded history and everything would have been subject to similar arguments that are offered in such trash movies. We help collection of thousands of signatures to protest a trash movie and unaware that such signatures are basically a mere database for more SPAM. Each time you sign a petition you help the Spammers and not the Iranian heritage.

Such deep mistrust of our recorded history and constant falsification by the west has been forcing Iranians to rely on what is most tangible to them. Googoosh and Forough Farrokhzad become their heroes but they forget Kassravi. They worship Khomeini but forget Amir Kabir; they welcome British spies in Iran and in exchange force their educated brains to exile in foreign lands.

This shifting of points of view puts generation after generation of Iranians in clash of political opinion with each other. Today's youth blames us for bringing Khomeini and we blamed America for bringing Shah back and taking Mossadegh out. This absence of unity when you add to it the diverse ethnic mosaic of Iran has created for lack of words a perfect zoological garden that although all animals are captives of the same environment yet because of their diversity will look at each others as pray and predators with no common cause. Mistrust your fellow countryman unless proven otherwise.

So with this long overture let me ask you a question. Do you really think that our main issue and agenda as a nation should be the freedom of Iranian women to have the choice of not covering their hairs? Is this the only agenda left to resolve? The British supported the regressive radical Islam offered by Khomeini and the school of Islamic Brotherhood incubated in London and took us about 100 years back and now we are fighting to get back what we already had a century ago -- our women could go out without a cover!

So here is my point: Could you show me one nation on earth that its female population has achieved true freedom but you cannot find adequate public restrooms on the streets of its capital? You see, you could not name one and that's what I am trying to get into. What good would such freedom offer a nation of 70 millions that when nature calls they have no place to go to relieve themselves when away from home? If a nation wants to achieve freedom of speech, thoughts and expression it certainly cannot reach that goal without having sufficient public restrooms.

Next time when shit happens try to line up your priorities: is going to the restroom more urgent or resolving the ethnic unrest in Chechnya? That is precisely why the Russians and all former Soviet states have not achieved the freedom that they were dreaming of even after two decades since the Soviet empire broke up, because they do not have enough public restrooms. And that is precisely why everyone wants to come to America where with the exception of some McDonald's that charge 10 cents, to take a shit everywhere else is free.

If Iranians want to bring down that callous British-appointed government of Iran they must first do what is unprecedented in any country in the world. We cannot do what Gandhi advocated in India -- peaceful resistance or Dr. King advocated in the south for civil rights. Those tactics will not dismantle the grip of the British in Iran. Arm struggle against the regime is not a practical approach so we have to use an alternative weapon that we all possess and can inflict emotional damages to the regime's image, and is environmentally less catastrophic than say using Molotov cocktail.

We Iranians are an innovative nation (case in point we invented Sheism that alienated us from the entire Muslim world) and today I suggest we do something that would bring that government down fast and expediently. Curious, well that is mass and united urination and defecation in all government buildings, streets, malls and hospitals and you name it. Imagine a nation of 70 millions goes against its government by taking a shit (golaab beh rootoon) anywhere as long as they can avoid arrest.

Women in particular will have the best opportunity to fight the regime since under the cover of black chadors they can squat anywhere and take a shit in any government offices. Go to Ministry of Justice and while sitting on benches waiting for your turn do what any brave Iranian should do -- take a shit. Go to Roodaki Concert Hall and while Beethoven Symphony No. 1 is being performed you do your own No. 2 and the entire audience take a shit all over their seats and leave the concert prematurely. Take a shit inside the metro stations and the moving cars! Avoid arrest and do it while acting as if you are reading a newspaper.

The British however were vigilant about such revenge by the Iranians and if you go to their embassy in Tehran you will see that more than half century ago they installed public restrooms outside their embassy (northern walls) which serves two purposes -- prevents the public to urinate outside their embassy and also it's their secret escape route in case of an emergency. The walls of the restrooms are made such that at a tunnel through the embassy will bring the ambassador under the shithouse and he and his entourage can escape any harm. So, Iranians should be united in their cause and at nights go around the British Embassy in Tehran and their consulates in any city in Iran and take a grand shit, in fact take the entire family out and call it a night in the town.

This symbolic gesture by people will make big news all over the world. No news agency can manipulate us by separating our men from our women and our gays from our heterosexuals, our Kurds from our Turks and our Jewish brothers and sisters from our ethnic Armenians, we are all to become a united nation shitting all over in the name of freedom of expression the Persian style. Down with religious monarchy and long live Iran. Fox News, CNN and BBC (in particular) will no longer be able to pick and choose the news and manipulate the truth. We will prove to them that our problem is not just our women's lack of freedom, both men and women are suffering in Iran, the children and the aged they are all victims of the regime and we can no longer wait, we have to take a shit at any cost, we no longer can wait!

Someday you'll wake up in Orange County, California and tune to CNN and on the top of the news you will hear that "thousands of Iranians took to the streets of Tehran and invaded banks and government buildings and shitted all over the offices! We advise our viewers to use discretion as some scenes are very graphic."

Oil export can be brought to a halt if our brave oil industry workers take a shit in the national oil company offices and checkpoints in the name of freedom! We forgive them for selling us short when Khomeini wanted them to go on strike and they did. Our brave brothers and sisters attend government staged demonstration but instead of chanting useless slogans take a shit at every opportunity they find while waving their feasts in the air, teachers to encourage students to shit in the classrooms. How many people can they arrest for a simple act which is forced by nature anyway? Plus what is their evidence in the court? How would the government prove that the dried shit in your dossier presented by the prosecutor belongs to you and not his own wife, unless if they do a DNA analysis to prove that hefty pile was that of yours which will be a tedious task anyway.

Now, you tell me which one is more effective? To let a part of your hair out of your scarf and get arrested and go to jail or as a man to wear a colored t-shirt and be taken to police station or instead just join the freedom fighters and start shitting all over that government and its establishments and what it stands for? Trust me if Babak Khorram-Din was alive today he would shit all over that regime in defiance too. You be the judge. I hope even the leftist Mojahedeen Khalgh in exile follow this advice and instead of spending their days and nights in Iraq playing backgammons and poker come to the mainstream and they also start taking shit in defiance of the Iranian regime.

Iranians abroad should follow the path and don't hold back. While in the US it can be a misdemeanor but to the best of my knowledge taking a shit in public in France is something normal, so Iranians should have no problem to do their "thing" at the Iranian government and airline offices anywhere in France and please do the same in Belgium and in Switzerland since they have done a lot of damage to us by harboring our criminals, and yes don't forget Canada since they still follow the British line and have the bitch's picture on their currency! How low can they go?

Don't hold back, leave a mark on pages of history; take a shit in the name of freedom of expression. Use your weapons! Victory is at hand. Comment

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