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Middle East

Not too shaby
Demise of numerous tasteless archenemies

May13, 2003
The Iranian

Iranians are not known for geo-political foresight or preemptive diplomacy. Let’s face it, exporting heavy-hearted movies and pistachios are just about the only forte of this long forgotten and timid civilization these days. Envisaging the demise of their numerous tasteless archenemies and justice for the subjugated is hardly their specialty.

Yet that is precisely what is happening. Some may debate the details, but lets look at the specifics:

* ‘Its a second Qadissiya,’ said Saddam in 1980, invaded and gassed Iran. Now the U.S. has Mother-of-all-Bombed his regime to oblivion and liberated Karbala and Najaf.

* ‘All Shia's are heretics,’ the Taliban said, and started killing the Hezaras, then the U.S. Special Forces chased away the ever-colorful Mullah Omar and his Wahhabi gang on donkeys out of Khandehar. As a bonus, Marshal Fahim is to look over things now, although the title Marshal is a somewhat of a stretch.

* ‘Palestine should be free,’ the Iranians demanded single-mindedly; and voila, George W. Bush just published a well-timed Road Map. Granted by the time Sharon’s rogue regime is done with it, that vision would be more like that of apartheid’s Bantustans.

* ‘The Persian Gulf should be secure’ was suggested, and now we have five American Aircraft carriers patrolling the waters ensuring free flow of oil.

I can envision Foreign Minister Kamal Kharazi telling himself ‘not too shabby…’ while puffing away on a Hoyo De Monterrey Cuban Cigar and playing with his turquoise prayer beads. Surely, he must have his grievances with those neo-conservatives in DC designating his superiors as the next target of opportunity or with that quirky Russian nuclear reactor at Bushehr; which the Americans will sooner or later take out. But by and large he must be a happy man.

So cheerful he must be that he is probably working on the draft version of his next wish-list for other world events. These potentially could include:

1) The exile of the Mujahedin agitators from Iraq to the Bikini Atoll in the Marshall Islands. For good measure, lets have their ringleaders sent to the sun-drenched Guantanamo Bay; they will definitely enjoy the Mojitos.

2) That mischievous Hezbullah crew in Lebanon is undoubtedly bad PR and makes the homegrown conservative antagonists in Iran look like Swiss Boy Scouts. A peace deal between Israel and Syria should put an end to them with no cost to us.

3) Remember who cuddled up to Saddam in 1980? That nuisance Arafat. So an unintentional ‘oops’ shooting (to death) by the Israelis may be welcomed.

4) Oh and please... please - some accidental sinking of those stinking diesel-fueled submarines the Russians short-changed us for.

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