Diary

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Part 19
New York, Sunday March 13

5:30 p.m.
Just kissed Peerooz good-bye. He has to go on one of his long business trips again in London. Will be gone for a week at least. If all things go well though, will be back in time for Noruz. I certainly hope so!

Monday March 14

6:00 p.m.
When I didn't hear from Peerooz when I got home from work tonight, I got worried. You know: nightmares about airplane crashes and such. So I called his cell. It works on an international frequency. When he picked up, he sounded not quite himself.

-- "Yes???"

-- "Hiiiii sweetheart, how are you? How is London? I got worried when I didn't hear from you."

-- (pause)

-- "Sweetheart?"

-- "Y... Yeah...Yes... I'm sorry I felt a bit jet-lagged... You know?..."

-- "Oooohh I am so sorry did I wake you?"

-- "...What?... Mmmm...Yeah..."yes..."Sorry, can I call you later?"

-- "Oh. Sure... I am sorry... Go back to sleep. Talk to you later, I send you my Lo-

Before I could finish the phone hung up. Probably a bad connection. I don't know why I felt a sudden chill invade my limbs. Felt kind of nauseous actually all of a sudden. A knot in my stomach. Must be getting under the weather. March has been unseasonably cold.

Wednesday March 16

3:45 p.m.
Am bored at work. Can't concentrate. Haven't heard from Peerooz in two days. No phone message. No email. Left him an email today. I don't want to call him again. He might feel I am crowding him, especially if it happens at a business meeting, it would be inappropriate. He is just busy okay? Why worry? He has gone to these trips before and was very busy.

Thursday March 17

11:45 p.m.
Just had a long conversation with Manny. We talked for two hours. Guess I am being a bit hysterical. A bit insecure. Thing is I still haven't heard from Peerooz. Manny has patiently been like the cuddly mom I never had. She jokes with me about my neurosis.

-- "Come on Naz, you are worrying yourself over nothing. He loves you."

-- "Are you sure?"

-- "Of course I'm sure. As sure as my name is Manny. Come on, the way he looks at you when you are out. You don't have any reason to feel worried."

-- "Are you sure?"

-- "Naaaaaazzzzz... Lousse nakon diggeh... Now you are just fishing for compliments. You know he is crazy about you. I mean, you have been practically joined at the hip for the past how many months?"

-- "Are you sure?"

-- "Boooorroooooo bAAAbbbAAAAA...."

I laugh but I am still a bit uneasy.

Saturday March 19

9:00 a.m.
I had such an uneasy sleep last night. Kept waking up every couple of hours.. My heart was beating so fast and the knot in my stomach was back, as strong as ever. I can't wait for tomorrow, when Peerooz is coming back. I am really going to have to talk to him about this behavior. I mean what if I did that to him? I have to find a way not to antagonize him. Tell him I respect his work schedule and I trust him, but I just want a little sign from time to time, just to know everything is okay with him.

Sunday March 20

11:02 a.m.
Dear Diary, I almost threw you out of the train window a second ago. I had gone over your pages, read over those stupid scribbles of happiness, that damn foolishness! Lies, all lies!...

Yet I couldn't do it. Because I want to keep you and remember. A stinging lesson for me. For next time. If there is a next time. Right now I don't feel like there will be a next day. As the increasingly greening landscape is taking me one step closer to my parents'house in Mount Vernon, I have started thinking that perhaps it would have been better to throw MYSELF out of the train window instead of you, pretty little diary.

I feel so nauseous even writing down the next words on your pages. This morning, like the stupid fool that I am, I woke up with such anticipation. I couldn't wait for that phone call that would tell me Peerooz has arrived from London. I even left him a message all lovey-dovey. God I am so damn stupid!

Like every Sunday morning, I went and turned the coffee machine on. Then I opened my door to retrieve my New York Post. Why am I subscribed to it? Is it for the brilliant news coverage? No. The sports section? No. The crossword puzzles? Hell no. This is my little weakness, like a piece of candy that I am addicted to every day. It is called, simple Page Six: the most famous gossip column in the City, it has got first hand knowledge of all the glitzy and glam residents of our City as well as the celebrities that sometimes make it their temporary homes.

This morning, as I turned to Page Six like I do every morning, my coffee mug in my left hand, the pages turned by my right hand, I came across this caption in Bold Font: Manhattan Model and "New Face" Cinnamon Jones Engaged (Photo on p.7)

Well to say the least, my curiosity was aroused. After all this was Miss Albino, the girl with the perfectly manicured hand on my Peerooz's shoulder the night he asked me for my phone number. The bitch on wheels who sneered the sarcastic comment at me at my Peerooz's party. The one he assured me meant nothing to him.

I turned to page 7. Under a smiling black and white photo of the Cinnamon in question and her new beau, this caption:

The happy couple show off Cinnamon's brand new Harry Winston rock at an Elton John AIDS Benefit held in London yesterday. Lucky groom to be is Peter Kia, up-and-coming Wall Street trader.

Still in disbelief, I look at the picture again: Though the black and white photo is a bit grainy, Cinnamon's new beau "Peter" is none other than MY Peerooz.

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