Falling in love with a dream
The friendship that had led us into falling in love gradually
has filled all the empty spaces.
July 7, 2005
Imagine falling in love with a cartoon character.
Imagine then rejecting all other offers of relationship
because nobody lives up to your ideal. "It's
one thing to hold out for the very best that you can
get. It's another thing to reject a pretty much perfect
proposition because you are so enraptured by an entirely
unobtainable fantasy", said he who proposed.
Pretty full of
himself, I would say.
So far, so good. So wise. So obvious. I thought to
myself. The trouble is, we don't always realise when
we are chasing rainbows. It wasn't as if the
voice in my head wasn't repeatedly saying, "Think
again about your great dream. Can it really ever be
Imagine looking through a kaleidoscope, spotting
a most beautiful pattern and then becoming deeply upset
because it has gone, and you may never see it again.
Well that was me! "You have to be in the moment.
You have to enjoy what's before you while it is there
and trust that what's coming up next, though it may
be different, will be of equal value and beauty", said
the other voice in my head.
Everywhere I turned my head I could
hear something, but deep down, I knew what I wanted. Logic had
in my planet.
It was as if something was moving on in my world.
And I knew it was time to let go. I was convinced
something else is ready to arrive. I so badly
wanted to embrace it.
"Time is your friend, not your enemy", said
M in one of the sessions I had with him. Yes I did
believe I am going mad hence M came to my life. For
a therapist he was quite good, he just sat there and
listened and sometimes the only things that he said
was a word of wisdom and then the time was up. Of course
I kept an itsy bitsy part of the problem away from
him, perhaps that is why he looked baffled all the
time; he was missing a piece of the puzzle. My cartoon
character had no part in his notes. I wasn't
sure how to tell him, I wasn't sure how to convince
myself on how I feel.
Time is your friend, not your enemy. That for sure
was true. I just needed to be patient. I just had to
make a decision and once I had made sure that is what
I want, I would wait.
You see, maybe I am misleading you here. I wasn't
really in love with Bugs Bunny or Tweedy, that was
a metaphor. No really I hadn't gone mad. I fell
in love with someone so far away, a dream so far fetched
that everyone including my mother had lost faith.
Maybe they were right; maybe I fell in love with a
dream. But guess what: my dream came true.
Time after all was my friend. Just when I was loosing
faith, just when I was so close to being shattered
into pieces, he came. There we were standing side by side
in the arrival lounge of a busy airport. And as he
embraced me in his arms I thought of all the things
people said and smiled. I didn't care what anyone
thought. The friendship that had led us into falling
in love gradually has filled all the empty spaces.
I was happy.
You see, people are not always
very nice to each other. They make harsh judgements and sharp criticisms.
say one thing in public and another in private. They
play tricks and set each other traps. They... well,
I needn't go on. You know what I am talking about.
Do you also know, though, how wonderful some people
can be? And how kind, how unselfish, how giving and
Eight months later, when we looked up at each other to
give our marriage vows, what people said had no place
in my mind, as though I had never heard them. That day seeing his
smile -- as he heard me say 'I do' -- meant the world to
me. I was complete. I was fulfilled with the joy I
had always dreamt of.
The day I wore a white dress and walked side by side
with him, the world was our oyster and nothing could
take away our hard-earned well-deserved happiness.