... to the universe
April Fools, 2004
The United Nations is collecting messages
from every nation on earth addressed to other forms of intelligent
life in the universe.
The collection will be stored in an audio capsule
on board the Solaris spacecraft which will begin its journey into
deep space in the summer of 2005.
In your opinion, what should the message of the Iranian
people to "others" in the universe?
Email your message
Hello out there!
I donít know if you have a language, but even if you do,
I probably will not understand it. I am only human, and as such,
my knowledge and perception is limited. I have a feeling you may
understand my words. After all, man must be an uncomplicated and
simple life form to you. We are so simple that we think God has
created the universe just for us. Please donít laugh, Iím
serious! We feel we are the superior form of life and although
we have yet to succeed to know another planet, we believe to be
the only form of intelligence in the world. We unabashedly overlook
our limitations and believe that what we do not know must not exist
>>> Full text
Beware of religion, and anyone who claims to have
any right over you.
Gerye koneed mosalmoonaa, geryehaatton savaab daareh.
Aval befarmaaeen too, yeh chaai ghand-paloo noosheh
jaan koneed. taa baraat tareef konam....
Do you guys have a supreme religious leader? Or a
Guardian Council? How about a Majlis? Do you need any of
these items? We can lend you ours if you like. If you have them
WE CAN STILL LEND YOU OURS. You know what, you can actually keep them
if you want!
It's noon here, what's the time over there?
seen our mars-rovers by any chance?
Don't let our technology impress you.
We are emotionally imature.
Bani adam azaaye 1 peykarand
Cho ozvi bedard aavarad
degar ozvhaa raa namaanad gharaar.
Soon you will find out that "HONAR NAZD-E IRANIAAN AST O BAS".
Earth is a beautiful place but the people are
a bit strange.
PS: Keep away from Gazvin!)
Do you guys have British and Russian imperialists
up there too? If not, give us a call and maybe we can work something
I haven't seen or heard anyone in the
corporate media around here notice or ask questions about this.
Not even CNN (the most trusted
name in the news!) Given your superior intelligence, may be
you can shed some light on this and transmit this little point
all TV and radio sets across America, preferably the night
before the November 2004 Presidential election.
As part of Bush administration's
often hastily arranged attacks on Richard Clarke (the guy who
spilt the beans), the Vice President
called into Rush Limbaugh's radio talk show a few days ago and
announced that the reason Richard Clarke saw no significant actions
or discussions aginst terrorism in the months before 911 attacks
was because "he was out of the loop" and didn't know
most of what the administration we doing to fight terrorism!!!!
Aliens, could you use your alien powers to make Dick answer this
question: What kind of an administration keeps its own chief
national anti-terrorist coordinator "out of the loop" and
then be proud of having done so? Isn't this the kind of actions
that Clarke has criticized you for?
Dear Aliens, please also help
George and Dick find a practical way to save face and get out
of Iraq or involve UN in a leading
role, before too many more young Americans (and Iraqis) will
have to die to pay for this blunder that new-cons shoved down this
Dear space aliens:
If you ever make to Iran, please don't ask us to
take you to "Our
Leader". Your sense of humor may be very different from us!
1) Agha, befarmaaeed keh "kos" beh
zabooneh Alien chi misheh?
2) Which one are you ? Alien
EEETTTT GO HHOOOMEEE
If there are "others" in the universe you
better protect your land because the US and England will steal
-- First of all:
We are "e-ranian" not "I-rainian"
-- Can you locate Osama Bin Ladan?
-- Can you help Bush find weapons of mass destruction in Iraq?
-- KHAANEYEH MAA KAAHNEYEH SHOMAAST / Our planet is your planet
but could you please take off your space shoes before entering
-- Please use protection when you screw human beings.
-- Are there alternatives to Viagra on your planet?
-- What is the speed limit on your Planet?
-- Can you please contact Emam Zaman? Tell him to come out;
we're all waiting.
-- Do you accept Visa or American Express?
-- Do you accept collect calls?
By the way, I have a one way ticket to your planet.
I'm seeking an oceanfront accomodation with NOON barbari & Feta
Cheese & Chai for breakfast and Cehlokabab for lunch. Will
try local stuff for dinner.
By the time you receive this message from humans
on Earth, our elitist attitude thus preventing us from
uniting, has destroyed our race and habitat by means
of pollution, oppression, injustice, war, disease, and
famine. Iranian or other, we failed to see that we
were all citizens of one planet. Hence, our demise,
is also our legacy.
One Planet, One People, ... Please
Fellow Iranian Bahai
Iranian message should be the same for all aliens,
whether they come from earth or otherwise ...
Please be gentle with
us. Let us bend over and grab our ankles before you violate us
We are too humble to ask for lubricants.
AGHA SHOMA IRANI HASTEED?
Are there any mature men on your planet? If yes please send
PS: The only other requirement is having a penis
Could you send me a residency application for your
Life is a journey, love and peace, understanding
one another, unity, equality, balance, experince this life, and
bring back the time when we didnt have to fight and kill each other
for money or gas & oil & land.
Healthy living prospecting and peace and harmony.
I guess its too much to ask in this day and age?
P.S no English or Americans are welcome to give
ideas and start dividing people. Especially THE ENGLISH.
Do you fall in love?
Do you ever cry?
Do you know colors red, black green and pink?
Do you know what Spring is?
Do you see any sun or moon in your sky?
What color is your sky? Is it blue? what is blue for you?
Do you know what a flower is and how it smells?
Do you know how sweet tastes?
Have you ever seen God or heard of him?
Did he send prophets to you too?
Does he tell you what is right and what is wrong? What are they
I can tell you what all I said means in our planet "The
Have you ever heard of it? Please send me a line if you are interested
and we can talk.
I forgot, do you do emails?
We'll get you for that Ayatollah on the moon
bullshit. A practical joke has it's limits.
Citizen, Washington DC
Should you ever visit our beautifull planet and require
a landing site which may be dessimated during touchdown, please
consider our specially designed Alien-Friendly site of Qom, Iran.
Free pretzels provided after successful touchdown.
10,000 CMGI stock certificates available for sale. Can be
redeemed on planet earth for $100 per share.
1992 Chevy Nova for sale.
One owner. Widely known to be the best form of vehicular
transportation available in the galaxy. $40,000 used.
Don't watch CNN or any TV for that matter...
Ask from bigger and stronger nations to stop interfering
on the life of smaller and poorer nation including exploitation
of their resources.
Koobideh, PhD, koobideh, PhD, koobideh, PhD, koobideh,
"I bet you guys have very advancement uranium
enrichment technology. Maybe we can work something out?"
I nominate Hafiz's famouse poem for this message:
Asaayesh-e do geetee tafseer in do harf ast, baa dostaan mohabat
baa doshmanaan modaaraa.
H E L P
“Are you as stupid as us human being?” If
yes don’t bother us! If not please help us!
We are the Iranians. The cradle of humanity, culture,
religion, astronomy, language, music and whatever else you think
could’ve existed 2500 years ago. We believe that everything
originates from us. If you come to earth you feel otherwise but
don’t get fooled by what you see. We have a governmental
system that is NOT base on our traditions and true religion; they
represent the defeat of our nation to Arabs and with this system
of government we are reminded of our Iranian roots daily! (We just
don’t do what the government tells us to do and believe).
We are the type of people who act as if we believe
in the Arabic way of life, which we call “eslaam”,
but we are Zartoshti by heart. Our country is the largest in the
world based on some logic which may not come clear to anyone who
If you come to earth, make sure to visit “Esphahan”,
a city that has about 2-3 nice building, or Shiraz, which has a
nice garden with 20 some trees. Also there is a city called Tabriz
that has a circle with a clock on it. You can visit the north that
has forest. Yes forest with lot’s of trees.
Basically I don’t think you can find anything
in the world like Iran that has cities with some run down buildings,
poor and hungry people following dudes with turban who are Arabs
And lot’s of other things, like people with
all different languages. It is an amazing country; we also have
big big buildings in our capital city. Please let your people know
that “Honar nazd e Iranian ast va bas”.
We are not interested of hearing about your culture, just try to understand
that we are superior.
An Iranian Citizen
Tavalode Jomhurie Eslami Mobarak baad. This is what
people of Iran have to echo all around gallexies. April 1st forever.
Death to all the Iranian history. Long live the Republic.
Do Not Accept or Believe In Any Religion!
Never let Mullahs run your planet.
Please come and take Bush and Sharon away, they are
disgrace for human race.
I would tell them,
Dear Citizens of other planets,
Before we start any conversation , could you please
bring your dictionary if you have any first, and let me see if
we talk with the same language:
If they bring a dictionory for me I would l look
for some words like:
Child abuse, sex aparthide, unequality and fundemantal
Islam and .... and if they have the same meaning that our dictionary
in the earth has then I will tell them loudly:
Let's Unite and let's change the UNIVERSE! for a
better Universe where there is no unequality, child abuse and sex
aparthide, recism, sexism, agism,....... political Islam, terrorism!
Let's Unite and finally leave in peace!
TO DEAR OUTER SPACE RESIDENTS,
WE THE EARTH PEOPLE ARE VERY LONELY IN THIS UNIVERSE AND WE DESPRATELY SEEKING
IF INTERSTED, PLEASE CONTACT US OR VISIT US IN AN OPEN SPACE SO ALL CAN SEE
THAT YOU ARE FREINDLY AND REAL!
MAY FORCE BE YOU...
(AN ACTIVE MEMBER OF PLANET EARTH)
Look at us as who we are , as people, and not as
Let's unite and create a just world.
"Ah, my beloved, fill the cup that clears today
of past regrets and future fears. Tomorrow? Why, tomorrow I myself
may be with yesterday's seven thousand years." -- Omar Khayam
Eerooneeyaa are sick of foreign influence in their
domestic affairs. Lack of control over our own destiny makes our
natural resources would become more available to foreigners.
As Dr. Mossadegh, the only democratically elected Iran leader eloquently said: "Dast
az sarremoon var daareen."
I envision the formation of nationalist underground brotherhood forming to
topple those who pillage and rape our beloved mother land. A group of
men will start this.
Lenin, himself a Freemason, started his own
Communist version anti-Western Freemasonry sect. Today
the organization remains and influences Russia to this day.
Such an organization was formed in the 1920's.
Zoor-khaanehaa (places where traditional Iranian
martial arts were practiced) helped to organize the native Parthians
(Ashkaaneeyaan) topple the ruling Greeks (after Eskandar's conquest
The Sicilian mafia was started by a group of Sicilian
men who were enraged when the ruling French soldiers raped a Sicilian
girl. Ultimately the Sicilians rid their island of the French.
The brotherhood changed shape and remained.
Where have you been all my life?
goodbye to spam!