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America

God bless the best
I think very highly of this capitalist superpower, nevertheless

By Nima Bina
July 1, 2004
iranian.com

Awright, hear me out: I watched and LOVED Michael Moore's movie, I tend to vote Democratic, and I think Bush is ruining this great country of America. Yet I hang out with rednecks all the time here in The South, ride around in pickup trucks, and think Oklahoma would have beaten USC in College Football.

And despite its many shortcomings, I think very highly of this capitalist superpower.

Iran continues to make a BIG mistake. I've lived in the States, Iran, and Europe. And contrary to what people say, I strongly believe that the real Great Satan is in fact not the US, but the Europeans. Quoting Iran's first ambassador to the US in the 1890s: "The Americans are actually closer to God than we are". Here's my argument:

1. Who has fucked Iran the most? No, seriously. Didn't the Brits mediate the tragic Golestan and Turkemanchay treaties? Funny how Nezami Ganjavi is today the national poet of the "Republic of Azerbaijan". (I'm an Azeri from my father's side btw). Same goes for Herat. And it was the Brits, not the Americans, that initiated Ajax. Right? The Brits are weasels that would even stab Americans in the back if they could. And it was the Brits that carved out Iraq and the whole fuckin "Middle East" in the first place.

Question: What would the world be like if The Brits were the sole superpower today? Answer: Iran would probably be in 23 pieces.

2. Then come the Russians, truly oghdeh'ee imperialists. They're still at it, shamelessly trying to steal The Caspian, and playing Iran in Bushehr. Miras Farhangi should register the power plant as a National Heritage when finished, its so fucking old. Thank God the Soviets crumbled to their doom. While Americans died in Tabriz supporting Sattar-Khan, the Russians set out on raping escapades, depositing our treasures at St Petersburg, and replacing Persian language with Russian in Central Asia.

Question: What would the world be like if the Russians were where The US sits now? Ask how the "blacks" of Russia (AKA Chechniyans) are faring today.

3. Do you think Europe really cares about Iran when defending their "critical dialogue" policies with Iran against the US? What a farce. If you get stuck in Amsterdam for the night because KLM screwed up your connecting flights (as they frequently do), chances are you may have run into or at least observed some unpleasant confrontation with the customs agents at Schipol Airport.

It's happened to me twice. I can never forget the image of the young customs agents yelling at elderly respectable Iranians who did not have a US passport, talking to them in an insulting way, and treating them like scum. As if The Netherlands was about to admit a new group of third world asylum seekers, further crowding up their country with more and more "black-heads". Now that pissed me off. Shit, even the Americans took down those "Aliens" signs in airports.

Question: What do you get when Europeans become a superpower? Answer: Hitler, Stalin, Lenin, colonialism, racism, ad infinitum. By Jove, even racism here in the US has its roots with the Europeans.

4. I am so tired of reading the ubiquitous bitchings on this website written by ungrateful Iranian Americans. (example: "Worse than blacks" by Ahmagh Khan). This administration has by far been one of the worst America has ever seen. But they only used the power vacuum created by lame-ass democrats. We all owe this country BIG TIME.

I always remember that there are thousands of better and more qualified people than me in Iran dreaming of going to college here, and having my fair chance of going to Harvard for a PhD, while still working for Dominos Pizza. This is the only country in the world where you can start from shit and climb your way up to success. It all depends on one's orzeh.

Question: What would the world be like, if Europeans had control over everything? Jews couldn't wear yarmulkes, Muslims couldn't wear scarves to school, Mormons couldn't wear their thingies under their clothes, and you probably couldn't even wear a beard, no matter what shit you believed in.

5. You think you're being discriminated against? Well fight it! Get involved. Change your world. Remember that everybody here is an immigrant, and ignorant people are everywhere to be found. I always challenge my local rednecks by knowing more about the laws of the land than they do. Know the laws of your land, and vigorously apply them to your needs.

In which fuckin country can you actually meet your Representative in Congress and tell him what you think in person? I gave my Representative a stone replica of a winged bull from Persepolis that I bought in Iran. I am happy to announce that I've had influences on his recent perspectives on Iran. We owe this country BIG TIME. We owe it to ourselves, and to the motherland of Iran. How? By helping America becoming a better place for all future generations.  

Conclusion 1: "Dast baalaaye dast besyaar ast" (Persian proverb: "There is a power higher than each and every power")
So, in the current world (where decent people rarely have a chance of leading the world) which one would you rather have? George W and hypocritical conservatives? A system in which you can at least voice your opposition against the Patriot Act, or the War, or whatever? Or would you rather have racist Europeans that rain hell on earth every time they gain supremacy on the planet?

I swear the God, these Europeans don't give a rats ass about human rights, the environment, the third world, or Iran. The only fuckin reason they do what they do is to piss off "the arrogant Americans." Oh yes, it's hard to have somebody better than yourself, especially after centuries of setting up colonies so big the sun never sets in them. Kinda shits on your ego.

Fuck, you can't even get free refills anywhere in Europe like I do here in Captain D's or Burger King. Capitalism fuckin works! It can even be tailored to fit an Islamic model. That's what Haddad Adel (my former highschool teacher) really meant by referring to an "Islamic Japan" as an economic model. He would have to swallow a lot of pride to say "Eslam e Amrikaee".

A civilization is measured by the number of libraries, universities, great cities, and centers of culture it harbors. Khoda-vakili the US stands unchallenged on top of the world on this one. The undisputed champion for decades to come.

Conclusion 2: This is one helluva country
All you have to do to see this reality is to pull your head out of the media's ass and its sorry negative ethnocentric hypocritical showers of BS, and take a look around: The numerous excellent universities, the endless opportunities, The Supreme Court, The Legal System, the staggering variety, the diversity, the great highways, the great wilderness, the accomplishments, the feeling of being free, the architecture, even things like Judge Hatchett, Jay Leno, the great centers of civilization like LA, NY, Atlanta, Seattle, Austin, Boston, MoTown and their Pistons, Rasheed Wallace, Tiger Woods, Andre Agassi, Donny Hathaway, James Brown, The O'Jays, K-Mart, Walmart, ... I can literally go on forever.

There is a reason this country is excelling in its powers. There is a reason this country is a superpower. There is a reason this country is blessed. Prophet Mohammed once said: "Persians will reach for the heavens to seek knowledge." Shit almighty, if this Union of 50 sovereign States ain't the heaven of knowledge, where else can it be?

Having America as a close friend is in the supreme interests of Iran, whether Islamic or not. Period. May wise heads prevail in Iran, and may this land continue to be blessed.

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