What can Woody Allen teach the
Shouting "SEX" doesn't really give
anyone an orgasm
January 31, 2005
I want to share an article
by my friend Fred Andon Petrossians. He is an Iranian-Armenian,
educated in Political Science.
-- Farshad ,
In one of his movies ("Love & War", I believe),
Woody Allen's character was praised by his "imbedded" partner
for his sex performance. Of course in those old days imbedded partner
was not a war reporter, but a sex partner sharing a real bed. Woody's
character commented on his performance with these historic words: "I
train myself when I am at home all alone." I believe the Iranian
opposition in exile could learn more from these words than any
other democratic manual.
Thanks to the Islamic Republic's brutality and lack of sense
of humour, Iranian political movements or parties found themselves
in the West (assuming of course they survived execution and tortures.)
We Iranians have every possible political movement found in Europe
or the U.S. There are so much variety and so little differences
when it comes to real things that Iranian groups remind us of shelf
after shelf of cleaning products.
For this period of time Iranians
have had in exile a King, a few Presidents, and a couple of Revolutionary
leaders (please "by exile" read London, L.A., Amsterdam
and other top Western places). Most of their activities have
been limited to a few demonstrations per year and writing to human
groups to reveal the regime's crimes.
Anyhow, the Iraq invasion
has revived hope in the heart of some opposition groups of overthrowing
the Iranian theocracy. (Apparently Iraq's invasion creates an "Iran
is next" attitude.) At present all these groups whether left,
right, republican, royalist or Mojahedin Khalgh have something
in common: Read their lips -- DEMOCRACY.
They say they want democracy for Iran. So far, so good. After
all, democracy is the sexiest word on a politician's lips these
days. Everyone from the owners of Guatanamo to Iranian theocrats
consider themselves a sort of messenger of democracy. I think only
Bin Laden & Co don't use the word. (Maybe because it is too
The Iranian opposition, who has spent years in the democratic
West, fill Persian sites, radio programmes, TV shows, and journals,
this word: Democracy. But during all these years of being in Europe
U.S., they have failed to organise a democratic front or union, a democratic
get-together, or even a democratic barbecue against the Islamic regime.
The question is how they intend to persuade Iranian people that they
are able to establish democracy in a country without any sign of democratic
action in exile?
Let's get back to Woody's story: He says he is good in bed because
he trained alone at home. Imagine if Woody walked around his room
shouting "SEX SEX SEX" without training. The outcome
would be disappointing. Sex isn't a mantra, and neither is democracy.
Without training themselves, the Iranian politicians can't be efficient
when it's time for action. Shouting "SEX" doesn't really
give anyone an orgasm.
The second thing -- if Woody Allen hasn't learned to train himself
all alone at home, how he could do this training in a crowded room
full of noise and people running around. If Iranian politicians
cannot train themselves during their peaceful time in the West,
how they be able to do so in the post-Ayatollah era with all tensions
that will surround them?
Maybe Iranian politicians are lacking Woody's imagination to
do their training all alone, or maybe they are waiting for Rumsfeld
or Cheney to train them. But this last one surely won't be in Woody's