 Satanic bathroom
Holy books in a unholy space
Omid Parsi
May 23, 2005
iranian.com
Bearing my share of personal guilt and
responsibility for the soaring rage regarding the desecration of the holy Koran,
I have decided to come clean and hereby formally apologize to all our Muslim
brethren, begging their forgiveness for having kept a copy of the holy Koran
among the stack of books and magazines
in my bathroom.
I can only say that I did so out of sheer negligence and ignorance,
though I fully understand that there is no excuse for what I have
done and whatever I say can neither ease my sentence nor be of solace
to our ragingly pure-hearted and zealous Muslim brothers
and sisters.
It has been my indecent Western habit to use my often long visits
to the bathroom to educate myself about all mysteries of life including
finance, architecture, religion, politics, wine, style, fashion and
gossip. I might as well further apologize to all the faithful of
the world as I cannot think of a revered book ever dictated by god
or man that has not at one point or another seen the inside of the
often filthy and
smelly bathroom of my tiny bachelor pad.
I shudder with guilt at the thought of having handled the holy Koran,
while seated on my toilet answering nature's call. I know that it
is of little comfort to my entaged Muslim brethren to know that I
have also handled the new and old testament, the communist manifesto,
Mein Kempf and even the Red Book
in the same manner.
I do declare however that under no circumstances have I, or any guest
of mine, ever used pages of any revered book or publication in liu
of toliet paper,
toilet plunger or cockroach splatter.
 In the end I expect and accept many times the customary ultimate
punishment for my unthinkable irreverence towards the one and only
truly holy book. I understand that my absence of malice will not
suffice to evade the ultimate wrath of the alimighty, but I just
hope that my coming forward as such can afford me some forgiveness
and ease my burden in the
afterlife.
Having got the most disturbing confessions off my chest, I would
like to say a belated last word to the pure hearted martyrs of the
recent pro-Koran unrest in
Afghanistan: Get a life!
I would also like to say to my zealous Muslim brethren: Come get
me, as I await my sentence! My
bathroom is yours...
Lastly, I would like to say to the Great Satan (a.k.a. the Great
Satan in the parlance of the faithful) that has spread much sin and
filth on earth in the guise of freedom and democracy: Enough trying
to win the "hearts and minds" of the innocently zealous
faithful
thugs through cheap appeasements...
The West, should ponder whether its aplogetic stance and meekness in handling
the Salman Rushdie affair and
the like gave the "faithful" the audacity to give us 9/11.
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Satanic bathroom
