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How to suppress a bus strike
Make imprisoned leaders draw cartoons satirising the Holocaust. Invite BBC Persian to report on winner

 

 

February 8, 2006
iranian.com

News control - Events such as these can be pivotal for fascist regimes, so propose series of Holocaust cartoons -- headline grabber. Ask the BBC Persian section to go easy while we sort things out. The last thing you want is international attention.

Dialogue - Meet union representatives for dialogue and beat them into submission. Tests have shown that beating workers is a highly effective way of winning them over.

Prison - The best place to hold dialogue. It is converse group therapy for workers: they will leave demoralised. Offer the therapists a big chello kebab before they start their work. Our therapists perform strenuous and stressful work. They must be well fed. [Make note to run therapist exchange programme with North Korea.]

Redundancy - The best way to suppress dissent. Without food to eat workers and their families will have to conquer bellies before management.

Imprison leaders - Crucial to keeping worker morale high and ensuring your demands are met. Give them pen and paper to write prison notes, they like that imprisoned leaders. But keep them so hungry that they would rather eat their pens than to write. Naturally, beat the living daylights out of them if they snore after lights-out. Codified messages are often transmitted this way. Those who snore loudest often have the biggest ideas.

Torture - not to be used under any circumstance. We are a democratic country led by a working class hero.

Ideas - These are contained in teeth. Take the teeth out and they will lose their ideas. 

Art - Make the imprisoned leaders draw cartoons satirising the Holocaust. Invite BBC Persian to report on the winner. 

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