is not enough
The never ending story of love
May 25, 2004
What do you do when you cannot let go of the past?
How do you teach yourself to keep an open mind despite any bad
experiences you might have had in the past or present? We’ve
all had our share of experiences which sometimes set us off from
our life paths and also keep us off for a long time to come. What
do you do you in such cases?
Some of you might have read some of my previous
articles, specifically my first one called “The
key”. I wrote
that article at a time in my life when I was just so lost inside
my own thoughts and emotions, but has much changed from all that
time? I am reaching my mid twenties and find myself even more unstable
now than I was back then. What is the meaning of marriage and love?
How can you be sure to pick someone for the rest of your life who
is compatible with you and your own environment?
Since the whole incident with my cousin and the
arranged marriage which never took place, I did not have any desire
be in touch with him and managed to do so. But of course news has
a way of spreading really fast amongst family members and I found
out not too long ago that he was engaged to be married. And now
it has been confirmed that he did in fact get married. So why am
I upset? Why does it bother me? Is it because I still love him?
Well a part of me will always love him, there is no doubt about
that. But that is not the problem.
For the last three years I have been with someone
who has given a new meaning to my life. He has been there with
me through all
my ups and downs and showed me a whole different definition of
love and partnership. Who could ask for more? When you think about
your future regardless of whether you are a man or woman, do you
not want to be with someone who will not abandon you when the sun
stops shining and the dark clouds start appearing? Most of us would
say yes including myself. Yet in my head all my previous beliefs
are being turned upside down. I do not know what to think or feel
I am not sure whether I believe in the concept of
marriage. It is hard enough to find a match, but to have to also
out with your environment such as opposed family members or the
long distance which causes complications, that just really sets
you off after a while. And you start wondering well why bother
when all you are getting is opposition? Somehow when you find
someone and end up having to part from them, it becomes harder
to open up to someone else. But when you do, you end up getting
more attached to them and that in itself is lethal for you because
what are the guarantees that this new relationship will work out?
When I heard about my cousin’s marriage I
asked myself whether he is really happy. Did he marry for love
or did he marry out of
loneliness both of which can be very strong motivating factors. I said this when I was going through my situation with my cousin
and I will still say this again after my last relationship: love
is not enough. It gives you a
lot of energy but it also forces you to come to terms with certain aspects of
your personality which you cannot change.
I have always known that in order for
me to ever marry someone, I would really have to love that person as a friend
and also be in love with them. But I think one thing which I have also realized
is that I need complete harmony between the two most important realms of my
life, i.e. my romantic relationship and my family. You can’t run from your family
and you can’t just easily detach yourself from someone you love.
can you do? Well that is what I have been trying to figure out for myself
for the past couple of months now. And the only thing that I have
been able to come
up with is to give up this whole concept of marriage, even though it would
be hard for someone like me who does believe in certain traditions
we have. I think
that in my mind I am trying to convince myself that it would be just easier
to give up something as precious as marriage and kids rather than
trying to combine
two completely different worlds which repel each other in every sense that
you approach them together.
The search for an answer continues though and I
hope that most of you out there who do find themselves in similar
shoes do not give up and continue
and find some kind of solution to either destroying or bypassing their
obstacles in life.
May is Mamnoon
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