Where do socks go? Who am I going to
By Simin Habibian
November 7, 2003
I wonder if this only happens to
me. I have not been talked about it publicly until now and I
hope I am not in this
alone. I am sure it is happening to many of you out there
but you rather not talk about it. Maybe you think it is
not that important of a matter. At least I am brave enough to
bring up this mysterious issue. Believe me,
is real and not a cultural thing.
It is a universal issue
that has no boundary. It is happening every day in every civilized
and modern society, with just a few exceptions, yet people
tend to ignore it. If I had not done experiments myself,
I would not be writing about it when all these
important events are happening in the world. It is there and
it is real, so let's deal
with it. Please help me help the world. Here
Most of you have
done your laundry at one time or another. If you are a normal
human being with
feet or even one, then you or members of your family must own some socks. Every
time I do the laundry and take the clothes out of the dryer, I fold them neatly
and put them in the basket. I always fold the big pieces first
then go to the underclothes and then the socks... and it happens over and
over again: I end up with a few lost socks.
At the beginning I did not think much about it
and tried to ignore the issue, after all they were just socks.
But years later, this mystery has become so intense that it has
kept me up at nights. I find myself having recurrent nightmares
about blue, brown
and gray single socks laughing at me viciously and dancing
around the washer and dryer and then disappear one by one, while Ralph
Calvin Kline, Tommy Hilfiger, Ann Kline, Liz Claiborne and other
fashion designers make scary
faces at me and sing: "So long, farewell, Auf wiedersehn, good-bye..." and
I wake up all tense and sweaty, thanking God that it was
Where do these socks go? Does anyone wear them?
Who needs just one used sock of many colors? Who am I going to
When my children lived at home, I encountered
a bigger problem. They constantly accused me of throwing
away or losing their socks. I convinced
myself that the kids might have misplaced
them somewhere. Now it is only my husband and I and the mystery
goes on -- and
The laundry is being done every week and the socks
keep disappearing every single time. For a while I thought I
am imagining things or I am
a mountain out
of a mole. So I decided to calm down and do some detective work and
come up with a rational answer. First I tied each pair of socks
to each other
a few pairs in the machine. You guessed it, they got lost again.
times I have almost ripped the washer and dryer apart, looking
for a hidden hole
someone might have installed inside, even though, they are
Maytag brand and have
never been repaired and no one but my family and I access them.
Our washer and dryer are in the kitchen and there
is a long big white
where the steam and lint are discharged. I made my husband to
replace the duct with a new one. I checked
every inch of the old duct and turned it upside down and inside
out very carefully, but no luck.
Is there is a sock
monster living in every washer and
dryer no matter what brand they are or where in the world they
I did some research and found out that these monsters,
or whatever they might be, are multiplying in
anywhere else. I think the reason is that water
is cheaper here and
people wash themselves and their clothes more often than
other parts in the world.
I am at the point of gathering more evidence to
report the matter to higher authorities. I don't think it
to do with terrorists, since this problem has existed ever
since washers and dryers were invented. It is like a close
of the strange socks kind!
My other theory, which makes more sense, is
that there are creatures living on other planets and for some
reason they have become
attracted to smelly earthling socks and constantly steal
them. How? I have no clue.
That is why I am
importance of the matter please
matter seriously. Do your
own experiments and investigations and come up with
an answer. Take a few minutes of your busy schedule and help
of the disappearing
In the past few months I have collected all
the single socks and put them away in a drawer that is now full.
I think someday,
somehow, somewhere, these lonely single socks will
be reunited with their lost pairs.
Simin Habibian is the compiler of One
Thousand & One
this page to your friends