Let me be the first to do my part in launching
a preemptive strike to save the innocent!
By Behrouz Joon
January 12, 2004
I was just listening to a nationally syndicated ultra-conservative radio
talk show host in the San Francisco Bay Area (one whose humanitarianism
tugs at the cords of my heart).
He was suggesting that rather than sending aid to the survivors
of the earthquake in Bam/Iran where estimates of casualties are
running as high as 40,000 people, we should send them blankets
infected with Small Pox.
He "fortified" his position
by stating that as distasteful as his suggestion is, it "would
be a preemtptive strike that would save the lives of innocent people
here in America by striking at the heart of the "terrorists".
I'm all for saving the lives of my fellow man so
it got me to thinking...
The National Academy of Sciences' Institute of Medicine
reports that every year some 98,000 innocent Americans die in hospitals
accross the U.S. because of preventable errors by medical providers.
As a concerned citizen (one "armed" with
a superbly evolved bumper sticker/30 second soundbite/it was in
a commercial once
so it must be true mentality), I have decided to do my part to
remedy this threat!
As part of a preemptive strike, immediately after
finishing this article, following a well deserved bathroom break
can I say, I'm lactose intolerant!) I'm getting in my car, driving
over to my Cousin the Cardiologist's house and slapping the shit
out of him! (Didn't like the bastard to begin with, he lives in
a $7 million house by Stanford University Hospital.)
I am but
one humble man, but let the battle begin with me! Let me be the
first to do my part in launching a preemptive strike
to save the innocent!
Next I'm going to have a steak for dinner.
readers are no doubt aware, cow flatulence (fart for those who
might need a dictionary on that one), is a significant cause of
depletion. By doing my part to rid the world of the harmful beasts
I am "lunching" a preemptive strike to help the environment!
No sense in being afraid of Mad Cow Disease, I'm quite insane already!
If you're so touched by this article and my
self-sacrificing life path that you too need a bathroom break,
don't worry... iranian.com will still be here when you get
After being born in "Eye
and growing up "bi-cultural" on three different continents
(a kinky way to say I'm mentally confused and emotionally screwed
up) Behrouz Joon (my stealthy nom de plume) lives and practices
law (which means I'm still practicing and haven't gotten it right
yet!) in the San Francisco Bay Area. His hobbies include subjecting
the world to his tasteless and juvenile humor! Vist his weblog.
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