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And the winner is... the Shah!
Reached for comment, the late Shah rolled over in his grave, and said, “If I had known these people were this pathetic, I would’ve cashed out a lot sooner.”


June 27, 2005

As the results of the 2005 Iranian presidential election poured in, Mohammad Reza Shah Pahlavi appeared to be the clear-cut winner. With 99.9% of precincts reporting, historians everywhere declared him the winner in a landslide.

This was a stunning victory considering that the Shah has been dead for almost a quarter of a century.

Also on the ballot was "Initiative 1953", in which the Shah also won a decisive moral victory. The people have been heard: the Shah was right all along!

Perhaps nowhere was the surprise more keenly felt than at Mossadegh headquarters in Paris. Spokesman Dr. Matin Ferferi exclaimed, “for 52 years we have held steadfast to the belief that if the Shah had not deposed Dr. Mosaddegh in the 1953 coup d’etat, Iran would be enjoying a flourishing democracy by now. Today’s results show otherwise. Perhaps Mosaddegh was merely another personality de jour, and that it was only a matter of time before this nation blew it and voted some loser in. We can’t believe it! We can never condone the 1953 coup d’etat, but, in hindsight, we can certainly appreciate the tough choices the Shah had to make in those days. These people are losers.”

Reached for comment in his resting place under the Farouk Mosque in Cairo, the late Shah rolled over in his grave, and said, “If I had known these people were this pathetic, I would’ve cashed out a lot sooner.” He said he has been feeling very well and resting comfortably lately. He spends most days playing poker with Kourosh, Shahpour, Abolghaasem “Hakim the Dream” Ferdsoi, Abbas “the sibil” Safavi, Amir Kabir, Mosaddegh, and a few others.

“We don’t bother much with everyday politics of Iran It’s too depressing,” said the King of Kings. “We’ve all been burned by it sometime or other. Now and then conversation turns to what’s wrong with these people. We all sit around stunned, but then somebody says ‘they get what they deserve’. We look down and see it’s true. Then we get on with the game.”

The Shah added, “Did you know that poker started in ancient Persia? Used to be called Aas Naas. It’s a heck of a game. Say, we need a woman in this game. When are you sending Shirin Ebadi up?”

Iran’s new head of State, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, did not appear surprised at the news conference.

“This is what the revolution aimed to achieve all along. A revolution dedicated to the mostazafaan (downtrodden), today, is on the verge of making all Iranians mostazaf. What could be better?”

Asked about whether his feelings get hurt when he is compared to an ape, the president-elect replied, “Not at all. I’m an engineer so I know all about the science behind it. An ape, which is a primate, is perfectly suited to rule over a bunch of jackasses. What the Iranian people resented all along was being ruled by snakes who belong to the reptile family and much lower on the evolutionary chain than the jackass.”

Meanwhile, in Los Angeles, the Young Shah, ended his hunger strike in style at a luncheon hosted by the Iranian American Republican Council (IARC) at the Shahrzad chelo-kababi.

Asked weather he was prepared to return to Iran to save the nation, he replied, “Ab zereshk, please!”




Book of the day

My Uncle, Napoleon
A Comic Novel
by Iraj Pezeshkad
translated by Dick Davis
>>> Excerpt

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