Archive Sections: letters | music | index | features | photos | arts/lit | satire Find Iranian singles today!
Satire

Saddam's last hours
He never gave up

 

 


Jeesh Daram
December 31, 2006
iranian.com

When they took his radio away he knew there must be something in the news that they don't want him to hear, and indeed this was the countdown to his execution.

There was only 24 hours left in Saddam's life. His American captors told him that they are going to let him meet with two of his half brothers so that he can discuss his wishes with them. At this point Saddam had no doubt that his life is over.

Upon arrival of his half brothers into his cell Saddam ordered two Canada Dry drinks for his guests which were immediately delivered by the prison guards. Saddam always thought that if he ordered Coke or Pepsi he would be boosting the US economy and ordering Canadian products he thought shows his defiance to the Americans and his allegiance to the British!

Among Saddam's personal belonging that he kept in a shoebox under his prison bed were these items that he gave to his half brothers on his last day of life:

1- Small notebook where he kept records of his cooking recipes. His plan was to start his own cooking show on TV if he was ever released. He was thinking "If they released Martha Stewart, they will certainly release me!"

2- An unused condom. In reply to his brothers bewildered surprise he said, "you never know when you need one."

3- A tube of Preparation H for soothing chronic hemorrhoid due to just sitting and doing nothing. His half brother was so touched when Saddam handed him the tube.

4- Can opener: as we all know, any descent Middle Eastern has to carry one with him at all time. It can be used for many things including as a weapon in a fight with bad drivers.

5- Establishment of Sepaheh Danesh (the Literacy Corps)... Oh shit I lost track of mind and thought I was reciting the ten articles of the White Revolution of the late Shah of Iran... anyway ignore this one.

6- A picture of Queen Elizabeth, he adored her so dearly. He also liked Benny Hill and never missed his shows.

7- A bottle of Mevacor, to keep his cholesterol down! It was, however, a generic version since his HMO did not cover brand names.

8- A copy of "How to Win Friends and Influence People." You see what reading that book does to you?

They asked Saddam what he wanted for his last meal. He replied "as much as I hate Persians but I love their cuisine, so bring me an order of ghormeh sabzee with lots of Taftoon bread." Since Halliburton does not provide ghormeh sabzee in Baghdad they had to send an envoy to the local Persian grocer to buy a few frozen packages.

At five in the morning an hour before his execution he got into a verbal confrontation with guards and four-letter words were flying all over the place. According to reporter from Agence France Press the commotion started when Saddam saw that the breakfast was only bread, feta cheese and hot tea. He got pissed off and started cussing. You see he had requested kaleh pacheh (a medieval lamb dish consisting of tongue, eyes, brain and facial meat.) I know it doesn't sound like a meal and more like a crime scene but that's how things go over there. According to the eyewitnesses he attacked one of the guards and grabbed his balls (tokhmesho gereft), but then released his testicles on his own recognissance.

He never gave up! Comment

 

ALSO
Jeesh Daram
Features

RELATED
Satire

Diaspora

Let Me Tell You Where I've Been
New Writing by Women of the Iranian Diaspora
by Persis M. Karim (Editor)

Copyright 1995-2013, Iranian LLC.   |    User Agreement and Privacy Policy   |    Rights and Permissions