Archive Sections: letters | music | index | features | photos | arts/lit | satire Find Iranian singles today!
Toilet humor

Shaash & awe strategy
To prove the invalidity of the urination attack strategy, I did some quick calculations

 

 

Mazloom
May 17, 2006
iranian.com

Neither urination nor atomic attack on Israel will destroy it. It has been said that if Arabian nations unite and it’s people line up at the borders of Israel, and at a single moment all of them urinate upon Israel it will be destroyed. This ridiculous notion (although it is to make a point) is even sometimes attributed to the late Ayatollah Khomeini, although the idea probably goes back to the first Arab-Israel conflict of 1948-49, long before Khomeini was any significant character in the contemporary history.

To prove the invalidity of the urination attack strategy, I did some quick calculations. A human bladder has about 500 cubic centimeter (cc) of urine capacity. Even though at about 250 cc a person begins to feel that he has to empty his bladder, for the sake of argument let’s assume the invading urinating soldiers hold on till the last minute to empty the whole 500 cc of urine, also let’s assume one billion Arabs and other Moslems and their sympathizers line up along Israel borders and they all empty their bladders at a single moment, that would create 500,000,000 cubic meter of urine. Giving benefit of the doubt to the ignorant and assuming there is absolutely no loss of urine to ground infiltration, one can approach what might happen next in two different ways:

1- Urine is going to spread evenly (not likely since liquid flows quickly from higher to lower elevations) throughout Israel, in that case Israel would be covered under 25 millimeter of urine, not enough to drown or destroy a nation.

2- Urination discharge would quickly channelize itself and flow downhill in streambeds, and become destructive only along its flow path. In 1995 a spillway gate at a California dam broke and 40% of the lake behind the dam (500,000,000 cubic meter) drained out in a few days before the gate was repaired. However flow from the lake remained in the river channel and no major flooding occurred downstream of the dam as the result of the failure.

Although this event occurred over several days, it could be shown that even in catastrophic dam failures (sudden discharge of urine) the destruction would be minimal. For example between 1918 to 1958, thirty three dams failed throughout the United States, causing over 1600 death and millions of dollars in property damages, but neither the United States of America, nor any of its States, or towns was irreversibly destroyed (unless it was decided that for safety reasons it was better to build on higher grounds).

In 2005, some parts of New Orleans, the site of the most disastrous flooding event in the US, went under permanent water from golf of Mexico, but life on higher grounds immediately returned to normal after it stopped raining. In glacier territories such as Alaska and Green Land there are geological evidence to show that when a glacier dam breaks any damage created is within the vicinity of streambeds. When the glacier dam that created lake Russell in Alaska failed catastrophically in 1986 it released hundreds of thousands of cubic meter of water per second. In the first hour of the catastrophe there was more water released than any would be urination on Israel, and this went on for several hours till the lake emptied out. Yet Alaska was not destroyed in the flood!

This ignorant idea has made decades of ignorant progress and evolved into a modern ignorant idea that if Israel is attacked by atomic bombs it will be destroyed. President Ahmadinejad (and all the presidents and leaders before him) has openly called for destruction of Zionism and wiping off Israel from maps. Iran has nuclear ambitions. Evidence shows that Iran has engaged in non-civilian nuclear activities.

Ayatollah Rafsanjani in a Friday Prayer said if Israel attacked Islamic countries with atomic bombs, Islam will not be destroyed, but if Israel is attacked with atomic bombs it will be destroyed. Attacking Israel with atomic bombs will not destroy it. Japan was attacked with atomic bombs but it was not destroyed. In the last month before the end of war with Japan there was more conventional bombs dropped on Japan than the atomic bombs themselves. But never the less Japan was not destroyed as a nation, because the United States, the country that dropped all those bombs on them in the first place, decided it should not be destroyed, and helped it to flourish.

In any atomic attack on Israel, Jerusalem will definitely not be attacked and destroyed. Other major cities such as Tel Aviv and Haifa will be destroyed, but most of Israeli military will remain intact. Israel in retaliation will drop one or two hundred atomic bombs on major enemy cities and targets. The United States will take side with its Israeli ally and destroy the remaining military and non-military targets that might be of any threat to Israel. Then the modern armies of the United State and Israel will quickly annihilate any remaining foot solders. Whatever remains of the enemies of Israel would not even be able to fend for themselves let alone conquer a nation. After the atomic war of wishful thinkers and Israel ends, the United States will go through great length to help rebuild Israel, as it did with Japan.

So, I suggest to the new atomic-urination-upon-Israel-strategists out there, stop training your precious bladders to hold maximum urine, and stop wasting your precious resources to develop atomic weapons because Israel will neither be destroyed by urination nor atomic bombs.  

COMMENT
For letters section
To Mazloom

ALSO
Mazloom
Features

RELATED
Satire

Book of the day
mage.com

A Man of Many Worlds
The Diaries and Memoirs of Dr. Ghasem Ghani
by Ghasem Ghani, Cyrus Ghani (Editor) and Paul Sprachman (Translator)
>>> Excerpt

© Copyright 1995-2013, Iranian LLC.   |    User Agreement and Privacy Policy   |    Rights and Permissions