THE IRANIAN
Satire
By Aref Erfani
July 23, 1998
The Iranian
Today, I came back from my interview/test for U.S. citizenship where I was offered a chance by the Immigration and Naturalization Service examiner to change my name or pick a middle name. As I do not have a middle name, I thought I propose the following names and ask my friends to vote for the middle name they favor most. As you choose my new middle name for me, please remember that it will influence my life, career and future and YOU had a say in it :-)
Please pick your top two favorites from the list below and send them back to me in 1-2 order (1 being your most favorite). See also the names so far suggested. I will post the results in a couple of days :-) Feel free to suggest any new ones - none that starts with P though please, as my initials will then spell APE :-)
My List:
Akbar
Alejandro
Hector
Emanuel
Sahand
SabalAn
Sattar
Asghar
Abdullah
Aboli Abol-hol
Hovakh-shatar
Zein-ol-Abedin
Zein-o-dine
Buck
Chuck
Dakota
Colorado
Buffalo
Xavier
Santiago
Thor
Yoda
Bubba
Clinton
Lincoln
Kennedy
Ziggy
Zorro
Gholoom
Gholoomi
ShA-gholoom
Changeez
Spock
Mazloom
Viking
HakhAmanesh
Francois
Gilbert
Sullivan
Bob
Ghorrat-ol-eyn
Hazrateh-AghA
Giovanni
Guiseppe
Jepeto
Wally
Fred
Steve
Jack
Jim
Joe
Bo
X
My friends' suggestions:
Ghazanfar (Top Contender so far!)
Ghand-ali
Ghorban-ali
Zolf-ali
Khorshid-ali
Aftab-Khan (as opposed to what? AftAbeh? )
Nazar-ali
Tristan (what the hell is Tristan? :-)
Bud
Spud
Spock
Sulu
Zulu
Looti
Ghooti
Tooti
kAkooti
Data Pickard
Marco-Polo
Mar-Kopoloo
Charles (as in Bronson)
Charlie (as in Brown)
Chuck (as in Norris)
Chuck-e-Cheese (as in...yAroo topoliyeh :-)
Forest (Gump?)
Hunter
Gunther
Apollo
Joon
Jigar
Ernie
Bart (rhymes with ghArt :-)
DAyee-Hamid (watch out...here come the "lengeh-kafsh"s :-)
jahAnshAh
jahAn-dAr
jahAn-khAr
bakhtiAr
bi-ekhtiAr
bad-biyAr
Peezee (it means butt in EsfehAni slang!)
Deezee (as in Ab-gosht since that is 99.99% of your body composition)
Kalleh PAcheh
:-) formerly known as Aref
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