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Selected short notes October 2002 Latest * Boy girl This month * I never liked hot dogs October 30, 2002 * Boy girl Around 1998, there was a 20-year-old girl who lived near us in Tehran. She always had very short hair and went about her business on a bicycle without wearing the mandatory hejab. Those who didn't know her wouldn't notice since she looked like a boy. -- MJ October 30, 2002 * Maragheh Heard from a friend at a party in Berkeley: In the early 1970s, me and a friend went to Tabriz for a visit. We asked where the red light district was. A man recommended we go to Maragheh instead.. He said the prostitutes there were more attractive. We drove to the small nearby town and found the brothel. I was in the waiting room and reading Zan-e Rooz when I noticed one of the prostitutes. She was really good looking. She came over and said, "Did you see me?" I thought she was either mistaken or pulling my leg. How could a prostitute in Maragheh be featured in a mainstream women's magazine? She turned the page and there it was: her picture and an interview about life as a prostitute in Maragheh. October 30, 2002 * Do you still I wonder. -- B. Rastegar October 30, 2002 * Change and... The Iranian masthead used to be in Times-Roman font and capitalized. By the end of 1998, I preferred Helvetica font. Now it's still Helvetica but the letters are all lower case. I was thinking why this change? First of all, the original capitalized version was just too pompous. Now, the thin, all lower case looks simple and elegant. Or it could be interpreted as passive aggressive. Or felfel nabeen cheh reezeh... October 28, 2002 * I never liked hot dogs I spent years trying to trade handmade olvieh sandwiches for turkey and cheese. A pound of roast beef pleased me when I resented saffron rice drenched in broth from lamb back. I'd do anything to avoid the ancient cuisine laced with a Mother's love. Why couldn't we eat hamburgers and fries like everyone else? Shit, I already looked different; did I have to eat different too? The smell of grape leaves filled with spiced beef permeated throughout our apartment building. I was ashamed of that rich scent. Kids told me it smelled like camel diarrhea, I believed them. My Father's hands, infested with calices, worked from sunrise to make sure we could buy the rosewater our food was fried in. My Mother's tiny fingers picked for an extra hour just so there wasn't any raisins in my rice. But even after all that, I wanted a sloppy joe. Both of my parents, once among Iran's middle class, came to this country and worked without shame so our family could still eat Persian. I didn't know it then but my parents loved me through the food they put into my belly. Some days my brother and I would sit hungry at lunch, too ashamed to break out our oversized pita bread sandwich stuffed with joojeh kabob and feta cheese. Damn, we were some spoiled kids. Maybe someone would point and yell "Look they are eating towel head sandwiches." The whole table would probably laugh. Our cheeks would turn apple red as we smiled pretending ESOL had not worked. In fact, I couldn't wait for Ramadan so I'd have an excuse not to eat lunch. In those dark days all I wanted was blonde hair, blue eyes, and mashed potatoes instead of abgoosht. The truth is I never liked hot dogs. In fact, they made me sick to my stomach. They smelled like shit. They tasted like shit, but embarrassment tasted worse. Nevertheless I'd shove them down my throat without second thought. I'd devour those disgusting clumps of haram meat until I started to feel white. But I'm not unique; it was the same story with all of America's immigrant children. If it wasn't sangak then it was tortillas. In the end, shame is all the same flavor. -- Ramtin October 28, 2002 * Freudian last night a very dear friend of mine told me that he could see right through me. he mentioned that i had an endless cave of rage built up within my heart, simply because of the cards that i had been dealt in this lifetime. my verbal reflex was that the only emotion i felt was patience. i accept the reality of my life, not with apathy, but with passion. passion to press on, to not only make do, but to enjoy the path to this paradise known as the present. i drifted into sleep with that notion in my subconcious. then, i had a dream where i screamed at my dad and hit him. can you say freudian subconcious? October 28, 2002 * What a headache Yesterday was such a hectic day. I lost my purse with everything inside it... my health card, driver's license, social insurance card, student ID, both my Visa and bank client card and -- worst of all -- the keys to 4 different labs at the University of Toronto (where I'm currently working on my masters thesis) and the access card key to the whole building! By the time I inactivated my credit card, someone had used it twice for a long distance call in a call booth on campus (that's what the visa center told me) so I noticed that my purse had actually been stolen from the lab (I'm so khoshkhiaal to leave my bag out of the locker). And as my social insurance number card was also missing, I had to call the police. That wasn't enough because I had also lost the lab keys, so I had to report the case to university's campus police. They came over and investigated me... Anyway, now I'm a person with NO identity! What a headache! -- Bahareh Vali October 24, 2002 * Planet in need of therapy Someone I hadn't seen in a few months came to a dance recently and the first thing she said was how much everyone she knew had changed. Her exact words were, "Everyone's acting insane, like they're on speed or sumthing. You're the only one with semi-retained sanity." This seems so true to everything right now. War, terrorism, snipers are all that
you hear about on the news. Nothing happy. It's incredibly depressing to come home
from a long day of sophomore year and only see more awful news on TV. And it's not
even like any of it makes sense! If everyone just calmed down and took care of their
own countries for a while wouldn't the world be happier? It's like the planet is
one family needing therapy. Gah, it's so annoying. October 24, 2002 * Cloud
Hameed Gorani's email to friends: Hello Gang, October 23, 2002 * Begging regular hours During the first six months after the 1979 Revolution, my father used to write
me about Iran's short Spring of Freedom and how it had affected Iranian psyche. The
hope for a brighter and happier future had made the people more honest, generous
and caring towards one another. October 23, 2002 * Danial Cyrus Mousavi Elaheh and Vahid are the proud parents of a big baby boy born this morning, October
18, 2002 at 8:28 AM. Danial Cyrus Mousavi weighed in at 8 lbs 13 oz or 4 kg and 10
grams and was/is 21 inches or 53.3 cm tall. They will be at the hospital until Monday
- you can reach them at Fairfax Hospital... October 23, 2002 * Pink point A couple attending an art exhibition at Canada's National Gallery were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three very black and totally naked men sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis. The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assessment. He went on for nearly half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African-Americans in a predominately White, patriarchal society. "In fact," he pointed out, "some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society." After the curator left, a Scottish man approached the couple and said, "Would you like to know what the painting is really about?" "Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?" asked the couple. "Because I'm the guy who painted it," he replied. "In fact, there are no African-Americans depicted at all. They're just three Scottish coal-miners. The only difference is that the guy in the middle went home for lunch." -- Forwarded by Behnam R. October 21, 2002 * Painful, determined a whole hell of a lot has happened since i last let you all in to what has become my reality. lets just say that i got kicked out of the house, im homeless, and i have just had my first encounter with public transportation, all in a few days. things have been painful, to say the least. i am that much more determined to make it though. its like i have so much to prove. ill write more this weekend... when i get my mind together... -- L B October 21, 2002 * God & Sharif University Joke on how Sharif University students consider themselves smarter than the rest: Three students were in an airplane; one from from Tehran University, one from Isfahan University and another from Sharif University. The plane crashes and they end up at the gates of Heaven. They see God sitting on a great white throne. God asks the Tehran University student, "What do you believe in?" "Well," he replies, "I believe in power to the people. I think people should be able to make their own choices about things and that no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do. I also believe in feeling people's pain." God thinks for a second and says, "Okay, I can live with that. Come and sit to my left." God asks the Isfahan University student, "What do you believe in?" "Well," the Isfahan student replies, "I believe that the combustion engine is evil and that we need to save the world from CFCs and that If any more freon is used, the whole earth will become a greenhouse. And we'll all die... Waaahhh." God says, "Okay, that sounds good. Come and sit to my right." God then asks the Sharif University student, "What do you believe in?" "I believe you're sitting in my chair," the students says. -- Forwarded by Sourena Mohammadi October 21, 2002 * That place you might refer to as "Ostorallia"
salam! My name is Vida! i'm from downunda that place you might refer to as "Ostorallia"! i live'n melb and i'm currently finishing year 12... here's a logo i designed as part of one of my projects for a Persian footbal club. i love football and every thing that comes with it... heehee... i like meeting new people, so if you're from melbourne give me a buzz!:) -- Vida October 18, 2002 * Jaaye Khayyam khaalee Me and four male friends got together for dinner at Nader's house last night. We drank, smoked and had sabzi polo with fresh tuna. -- I was looking at a book by a Spanish photographer. The photographs were amazing -- on a whole new level I'd never experienced before. Each one was a masterpiece. I noticed I wasn't looking at the pictures for more than a split second. It made me think and I scribbled this down: "I cannot appreciate beauty. It's too powerful. I cannot withstand it. I surrender." -- Farhad sang a few songs with his guitar, including a couple of his own. One was country-music style, "Shi'ite Joe, what a man / Came here all the way from eye-ran" and the other was an Iranian ballad a la Fereydoun Foroughi, "Zhaleh... ey dokhtar-e baa eshtehaa... ey ezhdehaa..." (Zhaleh... You, the girl with an appetite... You dragon...". He also suggested it would be really funny to sing "Silent Nights" in traditional Persian style. -- Two of the guys were talking about their classmate. "We learned all the curse words from him. Once we asked him, 'Saa'at chandeh?' And he said, 'Koss'." He had been accepted into the university, but the religious vetting board (gozeenesh) would not let him in. So he went and did his military service instead. For two years he fought in the Iran-Iraq war -- in the front lines. The war really fucked him up. But he took the university entrance exam again and this time got into dental school. He graduated, got married and had a kid. One day after work he had a heart attack and died. He was in his late thirties and healthy. -- One of the guys told a story. He and his buddy were in Iran. They were completely stoned. They went into a store to buy something. But they couldn't remember what they wanted to buy. The shopkeeper waited and waited. "I said, 'Az een cheezaa daareen?' And I made an incomprehensible gesture with my hand." The shopkeeper threw a bag of heroin on the counter. He thought they wanted drugs. They were so shocked that they immediately sobered up and remembered what they wanted to buy: "Aghaa Peef Paff (insecticide) daareen?" -- Nader had recorded "Baraka" on his TIVO machine. I had never seen it before. What a wonderful film -- mesmerizing. There's a scene of Victoria Falls. And I thought that's where I want my ashes to be buried. October 17, 2002 * Sniper humor The sniper serial killer in the Washington DC area is still on the loose. Some of his victims have been random persons at gas stations. Fearing for their life, people are avoiding outdoor activities as much as possible. Today Radio Alice in San Francisco offered to give two tickets to the World Series baseball game between the San Francisco Giants and the Anaheim Angels to anyone who did the most outrageous thing. A listener called and said he would pump gas in Washington DC for a day. October 17, 2002 * Nokare Agha Chatting with someone in Iran
October 17, 2002 * 10 minus 4 Film critic Farrokh Golestan did a review of Abbas Kiarostami's latest film, Ten for the BBC Persian Service. He said censors in Iran had forced the director to take out four scenes from the film. So Golestan gave Ten a six. October 17, 2002 * I'm not even kind or considerate Every time I cross the Bay Bridge into San Francisco, I look toll operators in the eye, smile and say "Thank you" when I pay my two dollars. I want them to know that I see them as human beings, not machines. My token act of kindness. October 16, 2002 * Journalism award for iranian.com travel feature Ron Wurzner has won a journalism award
from the Society of American Travel Writers Foundation for his article and photographs
featured in iranian.com, "America,
welcome".
October 14, 2002 * Evolution of Michael Jackson
See here -- Forwarded by Sheila Dadvar October 14, 2002 * Test results Mrs. Smith goes to the doctor's office to collect her husband's test results.
The lab tech says to him, "I'm sorry, ma'am, but there has been a bit of a mix-up
and we have a problem. -- Forwarded by Mahdiyeh Javid October 14, 2002 * Indian films in Abadan I just finished watching "Ghost World", directed by Terry Zwigoff, who chose a clip from an Indian film "Gumnaam" (1965, directed by Raja Nawat'he) for his film's theme. The clip was so fucking funny that I laughed my ass off, I tell you. I watched it on DVD, and it had the Indian song and dance thing in its entirety. Talking about Indian movies, I vividly remember this movie theater in my hometown of Abadan which showed Indian films most of the time. And, teenagers like us -- Bache-haa-ye- Footbaalist-e- Teep-e- Javoon -- used to go there a lot. Just to laugh silly. And we laughed loudly to the point of being obnoxious. I remember there was this kid among us who was born in Masjed -i- Sulaiman but
raised in Abadan. His dad, like mine, worked for the National Iranian Oil Company
(NIOC). And, man! Was he funny! No matter how funny the movie was; HE was funnier.
October 11, 2002 * Missing friends
It's been almost a week since Reza and Leila left San Francisco. Their departure was almost overnight but unavoidable. I just hope they will be back soon. I miss them dearly. I have a lump in my throat... I took this short video a couple of moths ago when we were having cold cuts and wine on the roof of my apartment building in Albany, California. Low quality RealAudio / High Quality AVI October 11, 2002 * Great song
Flash animation "Bordee az yaadam" sung by Vigen and Delkash (?). October 11, 2002 * And I am George Bush This quote has been forwarded by at least five different people in recent days in response to President Bush's "war against terror": "Beware the leader who bangs the drums of war in order to whip the citizenry into a patriotic fervor, for patriotism is indeed a double-edged sword. It both emboldens the blood, just as it narrows the mind. And when the drums of war have reached a fever pitch and the blood boils with hate and the mind has closed, the leader will have no need in seizing the rights of the citizenry. Rather, the citizenry, infused with fear and blinded by patriotism, will offer up all of their rights unto the leader and gladly so. How do I know? For this is what I have done. And I am Caesar." -- Julius Caesar October 9, 2002 * Iftar at a bar Heard from a friend: One of my friends is a Black homosexual Muslim. One night during the month of Ramazan, at the end of his daily fast, we had drinks at a bar for iftar. October 9, 2002 * Smoke Bush not Iraq This is what the demonstrators shouted during the demonstration in London on Saturday, 28th September 2002: * Drop Bush not bombs -- Fathieh October 9, 2002 * Bribe There's a guy who sends me stuff to put in iranian.com. With every email, he includes a pornographic picture. October 8, 2002 * Time travelers I was in the car with my half-brother Jamshid Ghahremani Ghajar tonight, going
to a restaurant in San Francisco. He talked about this neurological study he's organizing
with UC Berkeley to measure the brain's sense of timing and anticipation. The way he described it was most fascinating. October 8, 2002 * Ab-tobehee I was looking at an old family album. I asked one of my relatives about a woman in one of the photos, taken in Iran in the 1930s. "She's so and so's wife. She was an ab-tobehee," my relative said. I asked what that meant. She said, ab-tobehee women were former prostitutes who had repented -- a precondition for marriage. They had "washed their sin by repenting" so to speak, thus ab (water) tobehee (repenter). I asked whether they were really prostitutes or were they labled so because they had had premarital sex? She said they had in fact been prostitutes. October 8, 2002 * What I want to do Heard from Ammeh Parvin: The daughter of one of our Iranian friends came home one day after finishing medical school. She told her parents, "You wanted me to become a doctor. Here's my medical degree; take it. Now I'm going to do what I want to do." October 7, 2002 * Persian mom Forwarded by Pedram Missaghi, A young Persian man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that he
is going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Mom, I'm going to bring over
3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry." The mother agrees. October 7, 2002 * Muslim extremist gay terrorist Iranian I was watching "Inside the Actors Studio" on the Bravo TV where the
actor Antonio Banderas was being interviewed by the host, James Lipton, in front
of acting students. Banderas was asked about his career. One specific question was
(and I am paraphrasing): There are around one million people with an Iranian background in the Los Angeles area. They are in this hostile environment and still they don't react to it. That makes me more angry. (See reply: Beh gheyratemoon bar nakhoreh!) -- Choghok October 7, 2002 * Send help Email from Dokhi in Washiongton, DC: Dear Jahanshah, Have you been eaten by your computer? If you're in there anywhere, drop me a line and I'll send help. October 6, 2002 * Long live peace
Yaadegaari az 8 saal jange Iran va Iraq. (Larger image) -- Sent by J Nik October 6, 2002 * Koocheh Shahid Francois Heard from a Tehrani: Our neighbor's son, Francois Boroumand, was 15 or 16 when he volunteered to fight in the Iraqi war. His father was Iranian and and his mother German (God knows why they gave him a French name). In the early 1980s, Francois became an MIA -- missing in action. For years, no one knew what had happened to him. Was he captured? Was he dead? The mother went back to Germany and the father stayed in the family house, waiting to hear news about his son. A few years ago the Iraqis sent some name tags belonging to Iranian soldiers killed on Iraqi soil. One of them belonged to Francois. By then, the father had turned into some sort of mystic. He even helped a couple of neighborhood boys quit drugs. Many streets in Tehran are named after martyrs of the war. Our street was renamed as well. Francois's father spoke to a few neighbors and asked for their permission to change it in memory of his son. But the name of our street is not "Francois Boroumand". It's "Abdol-Hossein Boroumand". We had never heard that name before. Maybe he was called "Francois" at home, but the name on his birth certificate (shenaasnaameh) was "Abdol-Hossein". Or maybe municipality officials found "Francois" un-Islamic. Mr. Boroumand, the father, died a couple of years ago, at his home on his son's street. October 6, 2002 * The night before
Last night I was making faces in front of the camera. This one was particularly wacky. I was going to give it this headline: "The iranian.com show is WHEN?" But I'm not nervous, just a little anxious. The show starts in about 4 hours, here in Berkeley. We're showing a documentary about Forough Farrokhzad. There's also going to be some poetry reading and music. It's the fourth iranian.com show this year. I know how to do this. Everything is going smoothly... I think I WILL become nervous if I don't stop writing. October 3, 2002 * Oh Champs Elysées
Joe Dassin was a French singer in the 70's. This song is "Oh Champs Elysées". Enjoy, October 3, 2002 * Paintings
October 3, 2002 * Quiet reflection
Veteran Gandhi followers in Gujarat spent the day in quiet reflection on Gandhi's133rd birth anniversary, October 2, 2002. -- Marjaneh October 2, 2002
* We don't even have oil October 1, 2002 (New York Post) -- A Finnish filmmaker has canceled his
visit to the New York Film Festival to protest the State Department's refusal to
grant a visa to an Iranian director. -- Sent by Darius Kadivar October 2, 2002 * Attention My daughter was moaning about nothing. I asked her why she was bitching for no reason at all? She said, "Charkhi keh sedaa nemikonad roghan nemizanand." (If the wheel doesn't squeak, it won't get oiled.) October 2, 2002 * Aries Scorpio talking: "I can't get along with Aries. It's all ME ME ME!"
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