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Persian lover
Women simply don't understand me

February 14, 2001
The Iranian

Like many hot-blooded Persian men, I am a legend in my own mind. I am better, faster, and stronger. I make more money and know more than anybody else.

Being possessed with great intellect and knowledge, I find it impossible to be humble. My talents dominate my social encounters. I do not compromise. I mean, really, how can I compromise when I'm right all the time? I am a wealth of information and I put in my two cents worth in any subject anywhere, anytime. In my world, everything is black and white.

People frustrate me all the time for doing things the wrong way. The way I see it, if it's not done my way, it's got to be the wrong way. I'm always successful in just about anything I do. If I ever fail, it's got to be the other guy's fault.

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful. I'm just being ME. Even though I have been blessed with qualities beyond anyone's imagination. The opposite sex finds me grossly offensive. They think I'm a nerd with obsessive-compulsive personality disorder. What do women know anyway? They belong to the kitchen, if you ask me.

I don't think much of women. I find them naive, agitating and incapable of matching my knowledge and intellect. I, however, tolerate them simply because the wheel of evolution has to turn. Well, to be honest, I really don't care about the wheel or the evolution; I'm just horny.

As surprising as it may sound, my social life has been lacking excitement. I'm a complex individual and women simply don't understand me. I can't hold a conversation with the opposite sex for more than ten minutes without getting slapped on the face or kicked in the nuts.

What's the matter with these Persian women nowadays? What happened to staying at home, raising children, taking care of the mother-in-law and pampering the husband? Where are those Persian women who worked the field for hours, went behind the bush, gave birth, and ran back to work?

I have not given up yet. I know there is a woman out there who will not insult my Persian-ness or hurt my ego.

Incidentally, I received an anonymous email the other day, which contained the web-address of a Persian chat line. Since friends are constantly playing pranks on me, I was unsure at first. But I have heard many success stories about these online Persian chat lines. I have heard of many who have found their mates online.

I was certain that a nourishing and virtuous woman was waiting to be blessed by my existence. If that woman happened to be a keyboard-banger, so be it.

I lunched my browser, typed in the address, and got online. There were many categories to chose from; I picked the obvious one, "find your soul mate". I picked "Persian lover" as my login name and was sucked, immediately, into the chatroom. Cyber ladies, watch out! Here comes the Persian lover.

There was only one other person in the chatroom. Her name was "Lady bug". It must be her lucky day, I thought.

===Lady bug===

Hay handsome. What's your name???

===Persian lover===

Hi there. I'm the Persian lover. How are you doing sweetheart?

===Lady bug===

Oh my ... the Persian lover! I'm sweating already. Are U a bad boy? Are U going to spank me?

===Persian lover===

Spank you??? I do not like to spank my soul mate. I'm a gentleman with principles. I never raise my hand on anyone... why do you want me to spank you anyway?

===Lady bug===

I like to be spanked when I'm nutty. I get out of line sometimes and need to be punished.

===Persian lover===

Well, if you insist. I personally think violence is not the answer. A relationship grows when both parties know their place, their role and functionality.

===Lady bug===

Oh yes. I like a man who's functional. I like a man who would tie me up and whip me every night. I want a man who would dominate me and put me in place when I'm bad. I want a man who likes to play Fireman or Doctor.

===Persian lover===

I am a Doctor!!

===Lady bug===

Oh my... do you have a big thermometer???

===Persian lover====

I have a digital thermometer.

===Lady bug====

You sure sound like my kinda guy. I want you to rough me up and smack me hard YOU BIG BOY. Now, you tell me what you desire baby...

===Persian lover===

I want a woman I can take home to my mom. A woman who would take care of my kids, cook, clean. I want a virgin. A woman who is modern yet traditional.

===Lady bug===

A woman?....what the hell do you mean A WOMAN?

===Persian lover===

What do YOU mean?

===Lady bug===

This is a GAY chat room... you MORAN.

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