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XXX revolution
I would like the next Iranian revolution to be sexy and bloody

December 5, 2004

We are due for another revolution. And I'll be willing to participate in the next Iranian revolution only if the leader is a delusional cross dresser who aspires to be a crack-addict-rock-star with bad inflammation, violent temper and a knack for inserting sharp objects in his ... throat. That's my kind of a leader.

I'll not participate in velvet revolutions. That's gay. I also refuse to be a part of any kind of sit-ins, hunger strikes, passive resistance or nonviolence movements. I'm sorry but I do not sing Kumbaya. I would like the next Iranian revolution to be sexy and bloody. I have a few people in my shit-list that I need to pay a visit. I envision the next Iranian revolution as kind of like MTV meets Aljazeera: hardcore avant-garde rap yet politically incorrect and traditional.

I would like to form a revolutionary party with militant prostitutes and activist pimps. I also like to merge the party with fundamentalist drug addicts and radical panhandlers. I will form a military wing for the party and outsource it to the former members of Taliban who left Afghanistan due to the lack of adequate five-star vacation beach resorts.  I also would like to eventually elevate the party's status to Code Orange.

I will charge a twenty-dollar annual fee for all party members except those who are willing to participate in an experiment to study the affect of suppository chemical weapons. The party leaders will be selected among members who can survive a weekend of hardcore orgy with a group of pissed off lesbian grandmothers.

I can not see myself involved with a revolution that underutilizes the power of transsexual assassins.  I also refuse to contribute to a revolution that discriminates against midgets with out-of-control bowel movement. And I definitely will not have any part in a revolution that ignores the rights of custodial engineers who show up to work naked due to early stages of Alzheimer's disease.

I would like the next Iranian revolution to follow a certain codes of conduct. For example: the revolution should not start before 9am and should be closed for the day at some time around 3pm. Weekends should be optional. The dress code should be business casual and revolutionaries should be compensated for any overtime.

I also think that it's a good idea to provide the midlevel management responsible for supplying cocktail Mollotofs with company cars. And lastly, those who suffer from hangover due to a wild night of hard drinking should be excused from participating in the revolution until they are fully recovered.

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Siamack Baniameri



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My Uncle, Napoleon
A Comic Novel
by Iraj Pezeshkad
translated by Dick Davis

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