We're not impressed
things I'm sick and tired of
May 23, 2005
I'm sick and tired of bloggers. Stop it for God's sake! Instead of
hiding behind your computer all day and all night and telling others to go
"lengesh kon," get your skinny ass out there and mix it up. Blow up some cars
and burn down some buildings. Get in a fistfight with a revolutionary guardsman,
chase down a Basiji in a dark alley and smack him around a little bit ...
gutless, keyboard warrior.
I'm sick and tired of Iranian women who write about
their childhood memories. Okay, okay, we get it: you were born in Iran, things
good at first, then it became bad, then you moved abroad and you were confused
and then you found a boyfriend and your parents made your life a living hell.
Who cares? It's overdone. Write about something else. We are bored.
and tired of the Googosh-Aghdashloo's feud. Ladies, please control your hormones.
Like any healthy Iranian man, when it comes to psychotic
quarrels between two women, I expect to see a catfight followed
by a wet T-shirt contest and mud wrestling. What's going on here?
please get two
Iranian women in their twenties to call each other names instead of two women
in their fifties? That should be illegal.
And you know what I'm sick and tired
of? I'm sick and tired of rose, orange and velvet revolutions.
The world has gone gay. "Oh, we
were out there on the streets, passing on roses, kissing and singing."
Well, fuck you. What happened to good old-fashioned revolutions
when you went out
there, kicked ass and got even with people you don't like? What happened
to burning tires, throwing rocks, Molotov cocktails and smashing windows?
What happened to the smell of teargas, sweat and blood?
I'm sick and tired
of expats who go to Iran once a year to bring back Persian rugs
and flash their undeserving American or EU passports at their
relatives who are trapped in that country. You might think you're cool,
but people in Iran think you're an asshole.
Why don't you stay
for a while? Get four jobs like everybody else; feed your family meat
and chicken once a month and inhale Tehran's polluted air for
a year or two.
See how it feels to run around for three days to payoff your water
bills and to get slapped by a bearded twenty-year-old for wearing a
I'm sick and tired of petitions. Here is an idea:
how about a petition to end all petitions? Better yet: how about
to let you shoot
the next guy who asks you to sign a petition? I'm in. Where do I sign?
sick and tired of LA Irooni male singers in their fifties who
models to dance in their music videos while singing to them,
"Why don't you tell me you love me ... "
Dude, she does not love you.
You are the same age as her grandpa. You are a pedophile. You can go to jail
I'm sick and tired of people who start
every sentence with, "Ghorboonet beram." These words mean that you will
sacrifice your life for me. Bullshit. You will not come anywhere
of sacrificing yourself for me
else. Stop kissing ass. We come from a gutless culture that throws around
meaningless flattering words to confirm sincerity. Stop it, we
are not impressed.
and tired of rich Iranian aghazadehs who convert their questionable fortunes
from rials to dollasr and buy multi-million dollar homes in Beverly Hills
and Brentwood. You wanna impress us? Invest in a haircut and personal hygiene
products. Take a shower for God's sake. Gohrmeh Sabzi is not
a perfume, chewing a gum will not hide your bad breath and using an underarm
deodorant will increase your chances of scoring with women.
I'm sick and tired of chain emails that invite Iranians to participate
in a referendum to bring democracy to Iran. Sure, I'm
all for it and I vote for anarchy. Please make a note of my vote and
do not bother me again.
Siamack Baniameri is the author of The
Iranican Dream, (Virtualbookworm.com Publishing, December
2004). Also see Iranican-Dream.com.