The joy of naughty kids
Kourosh and Siavash at 10 months
August 6, 2004
It was V's mum who cornered me as I was playing with
my twin boys.
'What goes pedar sag mean?' she smiled.
I looked around the room for help. None came. V, my wife, who
knew the meaning, rolled her eyes at me.
'It means your father is as dog,' I explained after
a long and pregnant
Her smile, in turn, wiped itself from her face as if someone
had slapped her.
V immediately tried to rescue the situation.
'You mustn't translate it literally, mum.'
But V's mum already had and her expression remained transfixed
to the floor.
There have been many cross cultural (V is Punjabi Sikh) shocks
since our gorgeous twin boys entered the world just over 10 months
ago. Since that exchange I have translated favourite daddy-to-twins
-- boz ghaaleh - kid goat
-- gooz beh rish - fart on beard
-- lontor - not sure about the meaning but could mean ruffian
-- mooshi moosh moosh - little mouse
-- nee nee moochooloo - little baby said in a baby language
-- doodool talaa - golden willy
-- choochooloo moochooloo - tiny willy
'Choochoooloo mochooloo' was the source of another shock. I sing
'choochooloo coochooloo' and 'moochool choochooloo' when changing
their nappies and in response to their miniature willies which
look so cute (and uncircumcised because my mum and V vetoed the
After V's mum heard me singing it she too began to sing
it to them. Before long half of the unknowing Indian community
were singing it to them at gatherings. Bottom line is they are
my monkeys and I can call them anything I like. Soon they will
no longer be monkeys, they will be toddlers and my goodness it
is shocking how fast time has flown by since they were born ten
Being fraternal (not identical) twins means they look completely
different down to their skin colour. Then we have their two completely
different personalities. Kourosh, who was born a few minutes after
Siavash, is a real 'vahshi'! He will scream if the time interval
between mouthfuls of lunch is delayed slightly. He demands full
concentration so that he always have something to chew when being
fed. On first witnessing this behaviour, our German friend, Pitt,
decided that he was in fact a werewolf >>> See photos
Another one of Kourosh's traits is to scream for no reason while
making a very aggressive face with eye balls looking like they
will pop out of his head. When his scream ends because he runs
out of breath I usually grab his face and plant a firm kiss on
which ever cheek I can pull over to me. I then call him a 'pedar
sag' and say 'Jeegh nazan!'. He will then scream again in protest.
A recent habit which I need to do something about is as follows.
Imagine you are holding Kourosh upright in your arms. You are both
at eye level with each other. In an instant your world becomes
blurred. Everything is inexplicably blurred and before you can
think why you hear a metallic noise on the floor a few feet from
This is what happens when Kourosh decides to snatch my spectacles
and see how far he can throw them. His reactions are too fast
for me to anticipate although I have begun to detect a particular
in his eyes before he lunges at me. Siavash, on the other hand
is our angel. He is calm, thoughtful, gentle and affectionate
- until, that is, he is playing with his brother.
Siavash then becomes a loud, aggressive and inconsiderate chimp.
He will steam through groups of babies and steal their toys/rattles.
He will shout loudly - our nanny swears she can hear them from
the house as she walks up the road every morning. He also take
great offence if either V or I say 'no' to him. He is our sensitive
baby in contrast to Kourosh and he will simply laugh off a command
such as 'no' and carry on like 'goor-e khar-e abdulla khaan'.
When they first began to stand on their feet and move around
V and I set about baby proofing the house. Picture frames, CD's,
magazines and plants to mention a few every day items were all
moved upstairs and out of reach. However they still managed to
stand in front of our HiFi and turn the volume control to maximum.
V thought our two 100 watt speakers were going to blow her eardrums...
and she was in the kitchen. The boys were standing next to the
speakers. They were truly in shock by the time V reached the
volume control. The look of stunned silence on their faces had
after them for a few days after making noises to see if their
hearing had been affected. We believe not.
Another behaviour typical of my SiaSia is the way he will gently
stroke your eye lashes while you sleep. If you don't move his little
hands away he will then try to peel your eyelids off - gently.
All the while sucking on the two middle fingers of his free hand.
When our very good German friends (virtually family now) invited
us to a villa in the old East German village of Dierhagen on the
Baltic coast we spent a long time looking into flights. After much
debate we decided the best way would not be to fly but to drive.
This meant getting a car large enough to carry all that we needed.
V gave me a budget - not quite big enough to get a Mercedes estate
320 CDI which I really wanted - but one which allowed us to buy
a Saab 9-5 estate with every possible option you can imagine.
car took V, Myself and the chimps in relative comfort through
France, Brussels, The Netherlands, Germany, Luxembourg and back
UK through Brussels. The trip took a month including our 2 weeks
in Germany. In total we covered 2,200 miles which by our standards
was a very long way indeed. And all the while, the boys, entertained
by their mummy in the back seat, behaved amazingly well.
During our month away, for reasons we are not sure of, the boys
developed by leaps and bounds. They began for the first time to
play together. They started to scream and laugh when V or I pretended
to chase them. They would squeal with delight when ever we would
cover their faces with a sheet or curtain and then suddenly pull
it away. None of these things had happened before.
most astonishing development was the way they suddenly rejected
baby food. The point of rejection was rather dramatic - Siavash
pushed his bowl away and the following day Kourosh did the same.
Suddenly they were eating toast, eggs, ham, cheeses and tomatoes
- for breakfast.
Our routine in Germany was to try and eat together with the boys.
We wouldn't put them in their chairs, instead they would sit under
the table (they love crawling into tight spaces such as coffee
tables or between sofas) while I passed pieces of buttered toast
to Siavash. He tested all his food by first bringing it to his
lips and blowing a very dribbly raspberry over it with his tongue
touching the bread.
After a few blows and once the
bread had been completely soaked he would throw it to the floor
a bite. Kourosh, sitting opposite him under the table, would
proceed to use the soggy bread to wipe the floor between their
the piece of bread had enough dirt and hair stuck to it, he would
cheerfully munch away. And so the bread eating production
line would continue until Siavash too would eat some bread and
they would both become full.
Their new behaviour and awareness inspired me to try new things
on them. Wouldn't it be nice, I thought, if they could each have
some kind of a comfort toy. Many babies and toddlers have comfort
toys they take around with them but ours had nothing. V
helped me choose two cute little teddy bears which were the perfect
size for them to hold and to cuddle.
But our scheme went pear shaped
the following day. I found them both with tufts of teddy fur
around their mouths. With six milk teeth between them, they had
in behaving like lion cubs around a fresh kill. Both teddies
were removed and placed under protective custody.
We are back at home now and as I write
this very line V has called to say that the little blisters we
saw all over SiaSia's body this
morning are, in fact, Chicken Pox. Which reminds me, not a week
goes by without one of gorgeous twins doing himself a mischief
and ending up at the clinic. Such is life with the naughty
twins. And how joyful it is >>> See photos
goodbye to spam!