Fun to be fat (for now)
Will I be fit enough to play football
with my twins
the local park?
January 6, 2005
Thank goodness I am fat. At 15 months old, my twin
sons delight in launching themselves at me, arms waving above their
heads and throwing themselves over my stomach. After the initial
attack, they try to take bites out of my midriff. Siavash will
simply bite hard and hold for a second or two. This has the effect
of making me scream in a comical high pitched voice which makes
him laugh >>> Photos
Kourosh will also bite hard, but then try to tear
a chunk out of me with teeth tightly clenched. This has the effect
of making me scream in a low pitched voice and almost pee
myself with pain which makes him giggle. Fortunately they have
and I have a large stomach. Most times they cannot get a
I know biting to be a bad habit in a toddlers (or
anyone for that matter) and Varinder, my wife, will not tolerate
it. If either
twin bites her they are taken to a corner of the lounge and left
there. Usually they understand this action to be a punishment and
cry hysterically until we pick them up, kiss and hug them.
last occasion when I put Siavash into a corner (the monkey bit
the joint of my index finger and I could have sworn I heard it
crack) I turned back to see that I had accidentally placed him
near his toys. He was happily playing with them and never realized
he was being given what we call, 'time out' punishment.
But I have never been a disciplinarian and never will be.
Another bad habit I have allowed Siavash to get
into is poking my belly button. And I mean a really sharp, painful
his index finger. I don't volunteer my belly button. He has
learned to lift my shirt up and put his finger in. A little about
my belly button: it is extremely hairy; it collects fluff and
depending on how much I have exerted myself through the day will
fluff into a hard, damp lump.
The trouble is that I am sure Siavash
has compacted at least a teaspoon full of fluff deep into my
belly button over the past weeks. How do I remove it? With a
knitting needle? With a fishing hook? Perhaps I should grow the
my little finger and fashion a compacted fluff removing tool
Belly buttons aside, we are looking forward to our
first proper holiday in many months. Last summer it was Northern
where despite the cool weather we had a fantastic time with
German friends. Next month we will return to the Royal Mirage
in Dubai after four years. Only this time we will have the
We have booked three seats on the flight (let the
twins share one seat) and have organized a nanny to be with us
most of each
day and in particular the evenings to help with the boys.
The idea is to lie on the beach and enjoy the sun; to watch the
sand castles and paddle in the clear waters; to watch them
run butt naked shrieking and laughing. When you have kids,
of watching them becomes a leisure activity in its own
When last in Dubai V and I were a couple with no
kids and no savings. We were free and spontaneous. Now we have
and we need military
style organization just to leave our front door to feed
the ducks. Everything takes twice as long and with the
do a faltering run, we find ourselves having to catch
them first before
we can dress them. I find myself breathless and covered
in sweat by the time we are ready to leave.
on the future: will I be fit enough to play football
the local park? Will they run circles around me and
tease me as I try to shepherd them to the car to get home?
tease them for having a fat dad?
Back to now and Dubai. Varinder and I agreed that
our New Year resolution would be to start a detox a diet.
the diet was due to start I gorged myself one last
time on rice and
Thai curry (made by me). Unfortunately I am still
gorging myself because, somehow, I am trapped between my normal
and the detox diet - which has yet to start.
point of the diet was for me at least to look good
for the beach
But I am not vain. I don't care how I look and
never have and never will. What is the point of having
flirt with you when you are married with twins?
What is the point of
having to buy a new wardrobe of clothes? What is
the point of girls secretly asking you to rub lotion onto
beach? Perhaps I will start my detox diet after all >>> Photos