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Going Dutch
My ideal Iranian man is not



Charlotte Najafi
October 26, 2006

I really did enjoy reading your article "Disappearing dignity" regarding what makes Iranian women special and I just wanted to let you know that I have had asked myself the same questions but of Iranian men?!

As one of those last remaining Iranian women with a healthy sense of humor, dignity and self-respect, educated and able to speak up to 5 languages, living in Europe and in love with Europe's history, churche's, cathedrals, museums as well as my own roots and for always in love with my own country and heritage, I went through the same periode of my life! And, sadly enough, I never met that wonderful Iranian man!

They were not able to appreciate me or even accept the fact that I did know more and better and had more experience on travelling and being a so called "donya dideh". Or, they forced me to accept their point of view's of how life is or they just ignored me or the worse, they wanted me just because I am 1.80cm, slender and pretty and in many ways not like an average Iranian woman! (I mean just the flesh and blood was important to them but not the whole package!), I am sure you understand what I mean.

Anyways, I gave up and began to live my own life, without a man and rejecting their helping hands or even the family and friends well-meant suggestions or what ever! Till I met a Dutch! A younger Dutch man, good looking, educated and self-disciplined with a good back-ground. (Not able to speak more than 2 languages but with a good job and still in process of becoming a successful and professional man).

So, I did go for it and wanted to see if there is a difference in a man who has never been in Iran or even heard of, let alone eating Chelo Kabab! And I have to admit that since then we have been the luckiest couple on this planet, we both have chosen not to have kids (cause I don't want to raise a child on this planet and make sure that my child is going to be among the loneliest on this planet in the future, if there is any future for these generations and those yet to come, not mentioning the effects of Global climate change and even worse, global dimming!) and we are living together for more than 6 years and meanwhile, I have created my own Iranian man! My Ideal Iranian man out of a Dutch man!

I did educate him, I did show him where I come from, what is all about Iran and what Persians have dedicated to this world, their share of a civilized world and what they did to make this planet a better place to live on for thousands of generations to come after them. He adores Iran, he loves Iran, he loves our carpets, our music, our religion, our culture, our personalities, our familial relationships and our point of views!

This has had two effects, he has become indeed my soul mate, the one I hoped to find in an Iranian man whom I could speak Persians with and share my feelings better with, and he became a stranger to his own family! The negative part off course! But he has chosen for me and Iran and he even considers to convert to Islam in order to get an Iranian passport which enables him to travel freely to Iran whenever he wants and wherever I want to be or go to!

I wonder whether I have been going too far cause I begin to realise that that image of Iran I have created might not be the right one as I haven't been in Iran myself for many years and can not cope to get connected or have friendships with Iranian who each time appear to think and act completely different that I am used to and whether he is not going to be in shock once he faces the reality.

Anyways, let's come out of this, dear stranger, do not feel alone or sad! You are not the only one, there are also Iranian women who are looking for that Mr. Right of Iranian origin and couldn't find him, but one thing is for sure, you can find love and a good companion in anyone of any origin or background, as long as you don't forget who you are and keep being yourself and do exactly what real Persians did after being taken hostage in their own land by Mongols, Arabs, Greeks... you name it! They began to educate them, to open up their minds, eyes and hearts! And what was the result? You will have noticed it yourself during your life, perhaps travelling through Europe or even many other countries. You will see these influences throughout the whole world, with an exception for Japan or Pan Asia!

So, do not give up, keep your faith and keep your heart open! You can also educate any Iranian young woman of the new generations! You have to forgive, forget and look into the future, trusting yourself and your abilities and knowledge of the past and what your parents have taught you. Am I right?

Have a good day,
May the force be with you,

The Netherlands,
(The place where you will meet many of those kind of Iranians you have mentioned in your letter! Very sad, but well, what can one do about it? The result, I am emigrating to Canada!). Comment


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Charlotte Najafi




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