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March 7, 2003
The Iranian

Part 4

23 November 2002

Negin, Omid and I were driving to Stockholm, which was 2 and a half hours away from Negin's place. Laughing, smoking, singing and almost dancing, we headed for the highway. We were supposed to meet Nahal, a friend of mine and an enemy of Negin, in Stockholm. I had warned Negin to put aside her hatred for Nahal and just try to get along.

Negin and Nahal's war began when Negin stole Nahal's boyfriend. YES, the very important and illegal Mister Abbas Khan e Chaghoo Kesh!!! Abbas Khan was Nahal's boyfriend and Negin used to be one of Nahal's friends. Things weren't going well between Nahal and Abbas joon (!!), so she asked her 'loyal' friend Negin, to talk with Abbas agha, to see what his problem is.

Did it work you ask? Oh yeah!!! A month after Negin's 'conversation' with Abbas joon, they fell in love, but unfortanatly THEY were not supposed to. Of course by the time they announced this matter completely and openly, Nahal had already smelled trouble. She called Negin every day and cried for hours. Then Negin called me and complained about Nahal calling her every day! She didn't know what to do, should she choose the brilliant Abbas or stay loyal to her cyberfriend Nahal?

From that day Negin and Nahal became sworn enemies and I was stuck in the middle of it. Because of the fact that I had seen Negin in real life, I stayed on her sidelines most of the time. Even though I thought it wasn't nice of her to steal Nahal's boyfriend, I thought what the heck? It's just cyber!! It wasn't as if she stole her real boyfriend? No ... THAT she would NEVER do!

My relationship with Nahal became colder and my relationship with Negin grew more and more every day. She had become my very best friend and I started to see her as a friend for life. After she met my parents and I met hers, we became closer and closer. All the Iranian parties we crashed together and soon we were known as the unbreakable twins -- until I met Omid.

But now that I was actually in Sweden, Nahal suggested that we should meet. So we did. In Omid's car, on our way to pick up Nahal!

Negin: "Man ke fekr nakonam in Nahal khaanoom tashrif biyaaran to see us."

I said: "No Negin, I'm sure she will come."

And Omid agreed with me.

Negin: "No way, I know this girl. She's too ashamed of her body, 'cause she's so fat and ugly."

I said: "Khodaa khafat nakone! Velesh kon. No one is perfect..."

Negin: "Yeah but she has no character what so ever!!! She thinks az damaaghe fill oftaade. She thinks all that. Vaghti raah mire be koonesh mige PIF PIF nayaa dombaalam BOO MIDI!!!!"

As we came to the square where we were supposed to pick up Nahal. I stepped out of the car and looked around. Omid and Negin were pointing and screaming: "There she is, There she is..." I looked around and saw no familiar face.

Suddenly this huge creature appeared in front of me. I recognized the face which I had seen in the webcam and in pictures, but then 4 times as big as I thought, with red cheeks, a face full of babyfat which gravity had drawn more and more in the direction of the ground. And then to top it all, her eyebrowes where very high arched, as if to compensate the fallen cheeks. She wore decorative contact lenses (hazel), which made her look more devilish than pretty.

I recovered from the shock, went up to her and hugged and kissed her on the cheeks. After me, Negin came out of the car and with a vicious smile hugged Nahal and kissed her. She looked at me with eyes like, "BEHET NAGOFTAM?"

The next destination was Sonya's place. And of course Sonya had to be in war with one of us girls or we wouldn't be regular Iranian girls. Funny thing is I'm always in a neutral position. Sonya was in a war zone with Nahal. Nahal didn't know we were going to her place. We didn't tell her because we were afraid she wouldn't show up.

In the car on our way to Stockholm, we had agreed not to tell Nahal untill we had reached Sonya's house. We all had high hopes of winning the Oscars for the Best Lie-with-a-straight-face performance, but the minute Nahal asked where we were going, we looked at each other funny and started to laugh. Our cover-up had no effect on her, as she was certain we were up to something.

Finally I told the truth. I saw Nahal's face becoming redder than it was. But she just said "SHIT" and looked out the window. I though "Khodaa ro shokr for the existence of ROODARVAASI, or else she would have knocked me to the ground."

Admitting that our destination is Sonya's house was a whole different story than actually finding the place. We twisted, turned, circled and even once -- I think -- bumped into a sign board. The sound of laughter and Negin's high voice screaming at Omid, confused us even more.

I said: "Omid, why are we driving in circles??? Poosidam too in maashin."

Omid: "Baby khob man nemidoonam kojaast. These two keep saying left-right, up-down."

Nahal: "Cheh 'Baby Baby-ee' mikone!!!"

Negin: "Areh baabaa. Tamaame raah hamine. The whole drive from my place to Stockholm all I hear is 'Baby this, Baby that'!"

Omid: "Haalaa chikaar daarin be baby goftane man? Hasoodi nakonin khaanoomaa!!!"

Nahal: "Inooo! Aadam shod!!!"

I said: "Let's just find Sonya's house. I have been in the car for 5 hours..My butt is asleep and I'm hungry. Omid, let Negin drive."

So we all changed places. Omid and I sat in the back and Negin drove. I put my head on Omid's shoulder, while Negin and Nahal were still shouting at each other. The exhaustion of the ride took its toll and I fell asleep.

I woke up feeling soft, sweet kisses on my forehead, which made me swoon and fly straight to heaven, just so that I could be dropped right back into reality. Of course I was in fact I was still in the back seat of Omid's white Golf. And I hear Negin's high and loud voice talking to Omid: "INGADR LILI BEH LAALAASH NAZAAR. LOOSESH MIKONI!!!!"


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