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Email to God
The whole world envied the United States for having so much, yet this man alone has managed to humiliate us beyond repair

April 14, 2004

I watch the TV screen in horror for the umpteenth time and wonder when-if-the war in Iraq will come to an end.

It is now a year and the killings are as real as day one-except now we know who has the upper hand and there are no WMD's to look for. With Saddam out of the way, the world is wondering what we're doing there.

Knowing the Middle-East the way I do, I'm not buying the democracy dream. Those guys are brainwashed to believe in leaders and masters and kings. They will not follow a government where every "hammal's" vote counts. Even under the facade of democracy, there will be a strong dictatorship.

Iran is a fine example of that. I guess the US thinks differently, or at least it has to save face. Nobody really knows, but I bet God does. Knowing how busy He must be these days, I decided to write Him.

The problem is we've been out of touch for a while, so I thought perhaps I could drop Him an email. After all, who has the best cyber access from up there? I don't even need to worry about the latest virus, bet he has a Mac.
CC: (I threw in that copy just in case his mail gets sorted by his secretary first.)

Dear God:

You may not remember me, but you and I used to be real close when I lived in Iran, partly because I called you daily for my many needs. When you moved me to this country where there were no more interferences with my decisions and I did not have to follow the latest European fashions-in fact no one seems to care about my appearance-I found a semblance of peace and did not see the need to take up your time any more. But, please don't take this lack of communication personal. I do think of you often and in times of need, you're the first on my mind.

I have a few issues that have been bothering me and lately tend to disturb my peace. I wonder if you would be kind enough to give me some answers. I have put these questions to many scholars and so far none of the answers make sense, so please, if you wouldn't mind, take a few minutes. Consider this one of those phone surveys which I'm sure you, too, get them at dinner time.

First, and foremost, I was lead to believe you invented religion as a means to unite men around the world. As a writer, I am most curious about your books. Although they seem different, the storylines and the resolutions are very similar.

Of course, since they are all under your name, I'm not worried about the copy right, but it does raise the question as to why you, who saw no one follows what you've suggested, felt the need to write them over and over?

The narrator in all your books comes across as sincere and his message is quite believable. He -- yes, it's always a he -- tells the readers not to kill, advises them  against adultery, asks them to be kind and help the needy, and so on.

As clear as the messages are, unfortunately they are often missed. I have even noticed how in all of them the protagonist-you-promises rewards for good behavior, while the antagonist -we won't even mention his name-proceeds to terrorize your readers by depicting horrible outcomes if he gets his hands on them. Alas, no one stops to think about the end until it is the end, and by then it's kind of late, isn't it?

The amazing part is that these books are written in different languages, are published in different parts of the world, but the voice and the message is the same. Yet we insist they are different, and stick to the version our fathers bought perhaps at a wholesale price, even when it is in a language we do not understand a word of.

I look around and see how religion, not only has managed to drive a wedge between citizens of the planet Earth, but it is the main reason for most wars and genocides around the world. Your readers and fans fight over which version of your books is more authentic and valid, at the same time, the fans of each book are divided based on chapters. I'm curious as to who messed up your beautiful plan?

I sometimes wonder if you should have a summit of your profits and have a panel discussion to be broadcast all over the world. Our politicians do it all the time, except they hold diverse opinions and there's personal gain involved. With your profits so humble, and all holding the same belief, it is bound to result in the union of parties and get rid of religious fractions once and for all.

I look at your creations around me. No question, you know your business. So I wonder if sometimes you just test us. Or is this how you entertain yourself? I remember an old joke, (although only you would know if it is a joke or there's some truth to it.)

When God created France, He sat back and marveled at His own creation; His masterpiece. Then He thought that unfair.. So, in order to serve justice, He also created the French!

Dear God,

I sometimes wonder if you gave us our current president for the same reason. The whole world envied the United States for having so much, yet this man alone has managed to humiliate us beyond repair. And, don't you tell me Iraq was overpopulated and you needed some kind of a terminator to do the population control. Surely you did not need him to do your job.

When we lose someone, you send us aid along with messages of compassion to help us to overcome our grief. But in this case, allowing the forces to remain in Iraq, you have further disturbed a people's healing process. Or, could this be a little detail that may have been overlooked?

Dearest God,

Please try to take my last comment in its best intention. You know how much I love you and, of course, who am I to question God? But I thought perhaps Peter forgot to bring this to your attention, and hey, for once let me be the one to do something for you.


Zohreh Ghahremani


Zohreh Khazai Ghahremani is a freelance writer, poet and artist. She lives in San Diego, California.

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