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Friday
May 4, 2001

Other HASR syndrome symptoms

Dear dAyi Hamid,

Enclosed please find my suggestions to your very thoughtful research on various stages of HASR disease. Although your essay is fantastically well documented and presented, the following facts and symptoms have been ignored. These corrections will make your article worthy of many scholastic publications.

* Pre Painting Period is characteristically divided into two stages for males and females of Iranian Diaspora. For men there is the search for buying rundown houses . In this stage they are interested in buying and investing into "Darbo-daagoun" houses. They develop a love for junk of any kind & high tendencies toward looking at any dump as gold mines ("Een Talaast").

Other variations are plans for buying print shops, laundromats, deli/groceries, and coffee shops. At this stage many wives become hostile. Think of the khanoum with a Luis Vitton bag (taghallobi of course) to have to serve a "Narreh-khareh Amrikaie" in a deli, or a coffee shop or even worse, aaghaa trying to do paperwork and communicate with the city to get renovation permits. Momken neest.

Talk & talk and more talk and harf and harf with possible partners are common prerequisites of this stage. This period of the disease is extremely crucial in future relationship-building and self-esteem developments of the subjects. From now, all related failures will be blamed on "Man Mikhaastam to Nagozaashti Syndrome".

HASR has also been observed to intensify when the "to nagozaashti" viruses gradually occupy the mind. Very often everything can therefore be "taghsireh deegaran". Please see dAyi Hamid profound research on blaming others "Man naboodam, dastam bood..."

* The most important syndrome you did not contemplate in your very thought-provoking and profound research was the emergence of expatriate men as "Arefs" and "Sufis", and women as astrologers, New Age experts, and spiritually-enlightened entities.

In this stage both males and females increasingly show signs of inflated ego. They will incarnate into Rumi, Hafez, Fourugh Farokhzad, Shamlou, Sohrab Sepehri, and the likes.

Women start lighting candles, listen to meditating tapes and many of course attend "Sofreh". In addition, the younger ones also attend Deepak Chopra seminars or listen to motivational tapes. Men at this stage start reciting poetry (albateh hameh ghalat), talk slowly and believe they are Pir-o-Morshed, Ba Yazid or at least Hallaj in exile.

* The most prevalent aspect of HASR disease, generally practiced in bigger cities like Los Angeles or New York where the Iranian movies are shown, is the "Movie Critic Syndrome". This, too, has to be dealt with in depth. Here I must declare as much as I truly commend you, and your amazingly similar Rod Steward features coupled with a "baa- namak" attitude, I was dramatically offended by your deletion of such an important stage.

Have you not noticed when upon viewing a movie from Iran, the subjects become all consumed? Have you not seen how they almost get over-excited and hostile? Their faces turn red while exhibiting extreme movements of hands and body, often crying, shouting or getting uncontrollably angry?

At this stage many subjects, while trembling, scream at each other constantly. Or if the director is present they keep asking irrelevant questions such as; Who started the revolution? What is the meaning of censorship? And who's side are you on?...

In conclusion, I would like to congratulate you on your very important essay and wish you good luck in your other endeavors.

Professor Hamechizdon
University of Southern Khar-dar Chaman
Dept. of Middle Eastern Literature & Cultures of Kharej Keshvaries

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