Letters

Write for The Iranian Editorial policy

Thursday
May 24, 2001

Regarding zabaanam lol

In a tantalizing collection of essays on Kharejeh Keshvaries our Departmental research presents a tribute to one of the best known intellectual questions to have shaped the field of Middle East Studies of kharejeh keshvaries.

The overwhelming interest in mystical and occult, practices of kharejeh keshvaries as compared with "dokhelis" have paralleled in the works of other scholars such as the renowned dAyi Hamid of iranian.com, Shahin Shahin (author of "Bahram's cousin"), and the renowned presenter of Arash the Persian Candidate for president.

In an attempt to explore the possibilities of a basic form underlying absurd practices of Iranian kharejeh keshvaries certain substantial research on their behavioral patterns and inclinations must be examined. In order to find the meaning of dualities in lives of kharejeh keshvaries, the followings are therefore those missing observations:

*1 - Aragh vs. Chianti... Our envoys who were initially motivated by empirical observation which emphasize realistic and immediate concerns indicate that kharejeh keshvaries refuse to adopt traditional sources of intoxication such as taryak, aragh (our own Zacharya Rozi's label that is) and instead consume the Chianti of that extinct Roman Empire, or the Cabernets of the country of "deje artists".

* 2- Zabaanam Lol Matters... Under the absolute tyranny of foreign substances similar to Zacharya's invention, kharejeh keshvaries demonstrate considerably higher orientations and excess toward "zabaanam lol" (In order to get due credit Zach's contribution needs to be mentioned over and over so that it won't be missed in The next PBS's documentary, Empire of Faith II). This is compared to less impious and unfaithful manners of "Dokhelis" who also clearly exhibit less curiosity and more innocence in dealing with zabaanam-lol matters. Kharejeh keshvaries traditional literary references to zabaanam-lol practices of our superheroes such as Ms. Forough, Mr. Sadi, Mr. Hafez, Mr. Rumi and Iraj are but misguided exaggerations.

*3- Women "Embrace" faster... Many female kharejeh keshvaries learn English faster and those who have a tendency to assimilate and "Embrace" in a faster pace refuse to attend chelo kabobis and in endless wars (instead of Waltz) avoid eating polo khoresht for dinner, before "raghs" with "sibil kolofts". (Please refer to that hidden treasure of kharejeh keshvaries, that controversial master piece of sociological inquiry: "Embrace")

*4- Exposure to zabaanam lol... While the recent debates about Bahram, Asghar, Dariush, Farhad, Arash and Freddy Mercury have been quite profound for the historians and experts of kharejeh keshvaries, focusing on long term consequences of "zabaanam lol" practices have attracted more attention. Our findings indicate that the increase in exposure to "zabaanam lol" constitutes a turning point for iranian.com Could it be the leading cause of its decline at the beginning of the 21 century? These arguments also deserve closer scrutiny.

*5 - However the most systematic approach to this phenomena is the Bahrameh-Gour and Shirin-o Farhad metaphores. An in depth psycho-analytical and textual analysis of the new version of Bahromeh-Gour by Nooneh in which she faces her fear of 'zabaanam lol" and creates an imaginary dialogue with her hero figure, deeply rooted in that irreplaceable Iranians psyche, is no other than Bahram-eh-Gour and his seven heavens (Bahram has a mansion in today's version).

This fascinating interaction occurs at the subconscious level of the author and further psycho-analytical analysis represent the number of "Bahram" in the text to be 13 times, and "zabaanam lol" to be numerous to count. In "Farhad" this fully "embraced" goddess who remebers "Ghashogh Zani" and "Falghoush" (how old should you be to remember this and then write "Dariush")... delves into her sweet nostalgia. In "Dariush", she does not let a servile spirit prevail, she is strong by her virtue of liberty...

We thus conclude a secret patterning of our literary tradition and come to realize the coexistence of dynamics between the Iranian Red Shoe Diaries of Nooneh and the traditional elusive techniques of womanizing in Bahrameh Gour, Shirin o-Farhad etc.

* 6 - Arash & Montesquieu... Now let us discuss the important category of Arash. By pronouncing the important difference between Arash's heroic climate difference in Los Angles and the Dokhelies climate this fantastical classification becomes a comparable backdrop with Montesquieu's and Voltaire's analysis. They all admitted that inconveniences of climate and culture leads to tyrany! Kharejeh keshvaries climate of full of zabaanam lol practices promotes pahlavans's (of Panbeh kind) and we all know what the other climate induces.

In addition when we trace the origin of that important piece of research on Hasr Disease, first coined by the renowned Swiss expert dAyi Hamid, we all conceptualize the fact that despite a few noteworthy exceptions kharejeh keshvaries have masterfully developed an over grown obsession for "zabaanam lol". This obsession is due to fascination tempered by intellectualism, liberalism, HASRism, Arashism, and of course embracism. It's force breaths and lives in the kharejeh keshvari's mind, body and soul and is eternally hidden in the mystical realms of our sacred literary tradition.

Results: Consequently, realizing their extreme innocence while celebrating their true abstinence (in their dreams of course), many non-embracing kharejeh keshvari men have come to the conclusion that in order to heal their wounded souls and protect their repected ego they are obliged to return to mother land and "az Iran zan begirand". They keep shouting profusely: "Pas az fardaa cigar ham bekesh"..

Be hold, O kharejeh keshvaries! History teaches us that in a few years the newly-arrived wives face cross-cultural encounters and subliminally "embrace". At the Southern Khar-dar-Chaman University, in our Dept. of Kharejeh Keshvaries we therefore encourage the overdue therapeutic discussions and dialogues which will lead to better exploration of the hidden issues of "zabaanam lol".

Professor Hamechizdon
Dept. of Middle East Studies of Litreture and cultures of Kharejeh Keshvaries
University of Southern Khar-dar-Chaman

Comment for The Iranian letters section