Salaam Amoo Moji jaan-e aziz:
I know you hate commas. You say they come in the middle of sentences
and qualify them (they make you stop in the middle of the sentence to take
a breath and possibly think about what you are saying) and indirectly make
you think about reality. Also because commas remind you that you have to
deal with life's cruel facts and you like to deny reality whenever you
But I have been waiting my whole life to see the Iranian team win the
World Cup championships. I want to know: Are we going to win the World
Cup championships next year? Or are we going to be exterminated in the
first round? Please let me know now and reduce my anxiety.
The forever kind and loving Amoo Moji -- who hates commas passionately
-- said with much kindness in his voice:
Salaam be rooy-e maahet amoo joon.
Humm! You are anxious about Iran's performance in the World Cup -- after
she (no doubt) decisively crushes Thailand, Bahrain, Iraq, and Saudi Arabia
and qualify FOR SURE to the World Cup finals. No sweat.
Absolutely! We are going to be World Cup champions in 2002 and from
then on forever until the end of the universe. No doubt whatsoever!
After winning the World Cup next year (all games 3-0 or better, including
the championship game against Argentina), Iran is going to turn into a
perfect state where religion will have its proper place in public life
and the country's healthy economy will produce 160,000,000 well-paying
jobs and the brain drain will stop. Furthermore Tehran's traffic problems
will be solved forever.
Meanwhile our planet's pollution problems will go away, global warming
will stop, Israel will no longer rape Palestinians and the brutal war of
"civilized" humans against the poor and hungry people of Afghanistan
(oops! I mean terrorism) will result in total and permanent eradication
of all injustices and violence and no one will lie ever again.
AND finally the Earth is going to move just slightly off its axis so
that there will be no more earthquakes, floods or other nasty things on
our tiny and insignificant, yet wonder-ful piece of cosmic dust.
There will be no need for psychologists or religious preachers or reporters
or philosophers or advertisers... they will all get real jobs. In other
words everything in existence will be just peachy perfect my dear!
Given these indisputable FACTS, I am absolutely sure your little anxiety
about the future of Iranian football will be totally gone FOREVER! Poof!
Feel better amoo joon? Aafarin bar to pesar-e khoob. I kiss your anxious
forehead on which you have painted the colors of Iran's flag in order to
show how much you would love to see Iran's succeed in the World Cup. Baarikallaa!
Maashaallaah bar toh BILLIONS AND BILLIONS of times (as marhoom Amoo Carl
Sagan used to say about the number of stars in the universe).
With love uncontaminated by any hint of selfishness whatsoever (and
with no qualifying evil commas to remind anyone to pay attention to WHAT
Ghorboone-e rooy-e maahet,