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Most stupid race of all
According to a new study, animosity will result in self-destruction

February 4, 2003
The Iranian

Although, the title of this article is not politically correct, readers are advised not to fly off the handle just yet because I'm not referring to any of the color-coded races as we know them. It'snot about anyone who's White, Black, Yellow, Red, or Strips. There is no factual evidence showing any of these "races" being more or less stupid than the others. But I have solid and undeniable intelligence confirming that they are all equally stupid! Therefore, if you are a member of the human race of any color, this is the time and opportunity for you to officially get offended by these racial slurs.

However, before presenting the case against humanity and to alleviate the hostility toward this writer, it is imperative to clarify a few points. First of all, I am one of you, a member of the human race and I have my valid driver's license and other photo IDs to support my claim. So rest assured that I am not an irresponsible crocodile, a pissed off rhino or some irritated endangered specie who goes around shooting his mouth and spreading racially insensitive accusations for the sake of retaliation. Therefore, although the facts may be examined for accuracy, the motives and intentions of this writer should not be questioned.

The truth is that under a very unusual circumstance, I have come across a highly classified document that was circulating among sub-humans regarding the human race. Due to the importance of the content of this document and the immense impact it has on the future of our race, I have decided to publish its finding. Therefore, I am taking tremendous risks by publishing this exposé. Undoubtedly they will try to silence my voice for revealing their conspiracy but as a human it is my obligation to share my discoveries with my fellow humans and I am willing to pay the price.

The document starts with an elaborate analysis carried out by the Center for Strategic Studies for the Survival of Sub-humans. Based on the careful examination of human behaviors in recent history as compared to sub-humans (animals, beasts, primitive creatures, ghouls etc...) our race was declared to be the most stupid race of all. The accuracy of their study and the impeccable historical data presented in this document is astonishing.

They have also concluded that our stupidity is inversely proportional to our technological achievements and social advancements. They are convinced that as we become more and more civilized we tend to become more segregated. They argued that the source of this inexplicable phenomenon that exists only in human race, must be our "intelligence" which they always refer to as human stupidity. They believe that the animosity among us is the pinnacle of our stupidity, which will result in our self-destruction as a race. This is how we have been portrayed in this report. This is how we are viewed from outside.

This document claims that humans are the only species that have an idiotic talent to create unjustifiable divisions among themselves based on color, ethnic background, nationality, gender, ideology and religion. This document also demonstrates another troubling fact about humans. It claims that only they have a ridiculous habit of choosing stupid leaders (even more stupid than their own followers!) and naively following their lead and commiting the most heinous crimes against each other without any remorse. The study proved that our leaders are a bunch of crooked nincompoops who are maliciously turning our simple differences into antagonistic conflicts in order to gain power.

They are apparently baffled and annoyed by our moral values. Their displeasure can be understood by reading this comment from the same document. They wrote: "In the name of peace humans always have wars. What kind of human logic is that?" (I am pretty sure the abbreviation stands for fucking.)

Due to the dark and gloomy outcome of human evolution, animals have concluded that evolution is not a viable option for them. They have issued a warning to all species and demanded a complete halt on their evolution until further notice.

In light of these discoveries, the report declares, "The human race is a clear and present danger. These jack asses are not worthy of this beautiful planet and must be eliminated." (At the bottom of the same page, in an explanatory footnote they formally apologized to all honorable jack asses for this improper reference.)

To accomplish this task, these low lives are carrying out a sophisticated plot to get rid of the human race. Obviously these bastards are way ahead of us. They have got us all figured out and they know what they are doing.

The chimpanzees are suspected to be the leaders of this anti-human movement. They must be the masterminds behind this elaborate conspiracy. They know we are doomed and won't be around much longer. No wonder they always mock us by showing their ugly teeth and mooning us! The mooning ritual can be a gesture symbolizing their defiance of the human race or maybe they are simply inviting us to kiss their ass.

But their conspiracy to destroy the human race is more sophisticated than what we may think. They work on different levels. According to the recommendations of this document, they have penetrated into our civilized societies. They have insiders among us, top level politicians and all kinds of leaders who have legal and moral authority over us.

Therefore, the presidents of our countries may look and act like stupid humans but they may actually be smart undercover chimpanzees relentlessly carrying out their evil mission. These undercover agents, have successfully used the weapons of mass sedation to tranquilize us, to make us as indifferent as possible about our fellow humans. They have made us immune to pain and suffering of others. They are systematically antagonizing our differences to expedite our self-destruction.

Finally I have a confession to make. The fact that the human race is on the verge of complete demise does not bother me a bit. I don't care about that. What concerns me the most is the fact that even baboons are making fun of us. That really bugs me. To preserve our human dignity, we really must have more self-respect and clean up our acts.

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By Saeed Tavakkol


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